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  1. #1
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    Default My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    My wife proposed swinging life style 15 years back to which I agreed. In the beginning we started with MFM threesome and eventually tried couple to couple interaction, my wife & single males without my involvement, me and single woman without my wife’s participation to accommodate singles who are not comfortable with threesomes. Every thing went well until 2001. My wife told me that she wants to try gangbang. We went to one private gangbang party. My wife was raved by six single males. The manner in which she was raved made me uncomfortable. However I was surprised to observe that my wife was enjoying tremendously hence I did not stop her from what she was doing. Later on I told my displeasure about gang bang. My wife asked me the reason. I said, the guys did not pay any respect, behaving as if you are slut. She said, look I enjoyed immensely. Our objective is get maximum pleasure and full fills our deepest hidden fantasy. As long as I achieve it then who cares what any one thinks of me. I am not going to marry any one. What makes you think that they did not respect me? I told, I did not like the way the group fondled your breast as soon as we entered the room without asking your permission or even bothering to introduce about them before touching. Then they never gave you any choice. They all pounced on you like hyenas and you were simply submitting to their deeds. They made few offending remarks which you ignored. She said, look single males who are not real broadminded are bound to react that way. In gang bang you have to compromise with few ideals. I did not agree to it and I told that let us work out the boundaries in swinging. She said, if you are not comfortable then it will jeopardise our marriage hence let us stop this swinging life style and be exclusive to each other. Since we could not agree on boundaries we stopped swinging. I became frustrated within six months and suggested threesome. My wife refused. She said, if you are comfortable then I will go to the parties alone for Gang bang and you can enjoy your own ways. If we both are comfortable with this then let us start again. Because I can’t agree with swinging that suits you only. Over period of time my desires have changed and I get strong urge for gangbang and don’t feel like going for threesome or foursome. If you don’t feel threatened by this then let us start again. Otherwise our marriage is first priority to me. I agreed for her demands and then we started swinging. She then regularly visits (once a month) gangbang parties for last three years. During this gang bang she started enjoying anal sex, oral sex which she used to hate. What really surprised me is her consistent interest in swinging. I know many broadminded couples who have lost interest in wife swapping in few years time. I have lost interest in swinging as well and I am not able to understand why my wife still desires gangbang. I have no objection if she continues to visit gangbang parties but I am perplexed for her prolonged interest in gang bang. Three years is very long period. Gang bang parties are ok for 2-3 times to full fill fantasy but three years are not understandable. I wanted to test whether she is badly addicted to GB parties and suggested that let us be exclusive to each other. She reacted very adversely and said, I can’t dance all the time on your tune. Now what is problem? I said I am concerned about you which she does not agree. I don’t want to impose my opinion on her but this time I am not able to communicate her because of her perception about me that my decisions in the past about swinging is impulsive knee jerk reaction. I am confused and would like input from experienced swingers.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    I agree with you. A lot of men (including myself) have a fantasy of seeing my wife enjoy a gang bang. But I would not want this to become a way of life with us, maybe just a fantasy or even a treat.......but not always. My wife and I have both agreed that if either one of us is uncomfortable with any idea or situation we are in the other will understand and it will not take place or continue. It sounds like your wife and you don't have the same understanding.
    I would suggest talking to her about this and expressing your concerns and ask her what it is she needs sexually. Maybe sex isn't the problem, maybe it is..........but I don't see a happy ending to this story if the two of you don't come to an agreement of some sort.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    I do not participate in Gang Bangs, nor is it a fantasy of my Mr.'s but I can empathize with your wife. I think a Gang Bang is a different kind of swinging. To me it is more of a fetish, and although your wife may appear to be disrepected during the bang, she is probably getting alot more out of it then she will ever tell you. Although these men are ravenging her, she is the ultimate center of attention. And she has the ability to be very, very naughty in the process. She is getting a different kind of respect from these me. It is not societal respect, it is respect from the standpoint that everyman wants her, and everyman there wants to play with her, and every man can play with her. I think she is actually in the position of power more than anyone else there. I would imagine that can be intoxicating.

    Now that you know why she wants to do it..... you need to figure out why you don't want her to do it. I read your post a few times, and the only thing I can figure out is that you are uncomfortable with it becasue it is not your fantasy anymore, and your wife hasn't met your comfort level by helping establish rules for the bang.

    I still think that there is more to it than that. What exactly makes you uncomfortable? What exact activities during the bang would you like for her to avoid? Are you having any jealousy issues with the other men because she is becomming more open to other acts? (Like Blow jobs and Anal Sex)
    Do you have a hard time respecting her because she is acting, in your opinion, slutty? Are you feeling left out?

    Now in our relationship, if Mr Indy asked me not to do something I would stop immediately and be with him. We have a good set of rules for almost any circumstance, and we are both very comfortable with them. To a certain degree I can understand where your wife is coming from. It sounds like from what you have written so far, that you guys had some rather liberal rules to begin with, and since you have been in the lifestyle for more than a decade, I think that is reasonable. But now, it seems to me you want to make changes to the rules, that maybe didn't exist before, or without reason. I am not advocating that there has to be a reason for every rule change, but I do think that since this is such an important issue to you, and clearly an ongoing issue between you two, you need to have reasons.

    If I were your wife and truly enjoyed something, and you allowed me to do it for a period of time, and then all of a sudden didn't want me to do it, or wanted me to restrict it, I would be confused and frustrated, and would probably behave much like your wife is doing.

    To me it is unreasonable for you to impose rules this far into the game without valid reasons.

    So again, my advice to you, is for you to determine what it is exactly that you do not like about her GB and to articulate that in a compassionate way to your wife. You then must sit without judgement and listen to her explain what exactly she likes from the GB. Hoefully when the 2 of you compare notes, you will be able to reach a compromise that serves both of your needs.

    At this point you are in a stalemate, and neither one of you are going to get any farther along without good, honest communication without judgement or hesitation.

    Mrs. Indy
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  4. #4
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    I noticed you made an almost identical post over 2 years ago.
    Previous post here
    Looks like Julie gave some pretty good advice back then. Did you follow through with it? I can't imagine letting this go on for another two years after recognizing the problem.

  5. #5
    Swingers Board Addict HotMoCpl's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    I noticed that you never mentioned getting involved in the gang band. If she getting the whole train (GB) then maybe you should get on board. Besides, I must agree with the person who said that she's really the one in power when she's got more guys to please her.

    All aboard!
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    "Heros go to heaven, survivors go home."- Some damn ol' gunt.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    I think that Northindycpl hit the nail on the head about the power your wife feels in these Gang Bang situations. And I also agree that you both need to regroup and discuss this further.

    One thing I find very interesting are your comments about respect. I can understand your viewpoint very well. After all, you had both been in the Lifestyle for about 12 years when your wife wants to fulfill a fantasy of hers. You have been living and breathing one basic rule of the Lifestyle - respect. And to you, it seems as though you view this situation as a violation of the rules and you see it as being very disrespectful to your wife.

    Also, I would be concerned about the safety of the situations. I am assuming it is not the same group of men each month.

    Perhaps what you need to do is to approach your wife with concern. I am assuming that she is in a club situation when these GB's happen. Instead of stating that you don't like it or putting her on the defensive, try "I am concerned about you. While I know that you can take care of yourself, I am worried about you when I am not with you because you never know when a situation can get out of control. But when I have observed you in these GB's, I can't help but to feel as though you are being violated and disrespected and it makes me angry that these men choose to treat you like that. I don't want to ruin something that gives you pleasure, but I can't get over these feelings that I have. What can we work out together so we are both comfortable with future encounters?"

    I am not expert, but may be a starting point for a good, open conversation. Good luck and let us know what happens.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    Honestly, to me it sounds like you want things on your terms or nothing. She was right to say that you guys should stop swinging when you couldn't agree on boundaries. And if you are going to be able to do what you want then she should be able to do what she wants. It sounds to me like since you aren't getting anything out of the GB's and don't particularly care for them that you think she should stop doing them.

    Does the fact that she enjoys gangbangs once a month make her addicted to them? NO. No more so than any couples who enjoys swinging once a month (or more), many couples enjoy swinging for much more than a year or two.

    All that said, if you really want to completely stop swinging and have told her so, that you want it all to stop and she refuses to do so, then you have much bigger problems and I doubt they have anything to do with gangbangs. Basically, she has lost respect for you (and based on what I've read, I'm not surprised), and from the sounds of it you are losing respect for her as well for her decisions to participate in gangbangs.

    At this point you guys need some serious marriage counseling to rebuild your relationship and work from there. The swinging has to stop if your relationship is to continue.
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  8. #8
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    There is always the possibility of addiction - addiction is not defined by how often or how much, but by the meaning the drug of chioce has to the addict - and if the addict is willing to risk everything of value to indulge in the drug of choice.

    There is really no way you, or some uninvolved counselor, or anyone else can truly know if your wife's behavior is a compulsion or recrecreation unless there are some regular extreme examples that wave red flags. Once a month is not a red flag. Nor does it mean she is not an addict. Either way, whether she is or is not, addicts rarely stop becasue someone else wants them to - they need to come to a point of recognizing they are doing something that is destroying who they are. Is your wife destroying who she is? That would be a big red flag. I would be careful of counselors/therapists. There are many who would say swinging is not healthy no matter what. I comend your openess and willingness to have your wife fulfilled. That said, after reading both of your posts, it seems to me that your wifes' desires go against some of your value systems, and you have a hard time seeing her as a slut or wanting to be one. Many women enjoy being a slut for a nite, and be treated as such. I 've had many a time myself that I felt like saying - stop worshipping me and treat me like the dirty slut I am!! This is sometimes confused with being treated poorly and being disrespected. Our society has taught us that if women are viewed as sexual objects, that this is somehow disrespectful. It is only disrespectful if she doesn't want to be treated that way, or if she is treated that way exclusively. These men can and do treat her that way, because that is what they are there for. That is what she is there for. It doens't mean that anyone is being bad or disrespectful - it only means that everyone is free to be turned on by what turns them on. I think you have a hard time accepting that your wife likes to get down and dirty and there is somehow something wrong with this - and perhaps you need to ask yourself how and why you feel the way you do.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    Thanks for your reply. I am not so much against her participation in gangbang but some how I had a mindset that woman’s desire for a repeated gang bang is an indication of some thing wrong with her. Because of this preconceived notion I handled this situation inappropriately. This is going on for approx. three years as far as I remember. After about one year of her participation I thought she is addicted and she needs treatment. I talked with one therapist and he confirmed that my wife is addicted and needs treatment. I talked with my wife about treatment and she was furious. Then I happened to discover this forum and wrote my situation and asked for forum member’s opinion about this. At that time Julie and few others gave very good suggestions. Julie provided me the link which revealed me that there are woman out there though minority who have this fantasy so I realised that my wife is not weirdo if she desires gangbang but her blunt refusal to seek therapist made me think that she is addicted and needs treatment. One advice that I like in my previous post was to talk to her openly and understand her needs & her point of view so that I can understand why she is doing the way she is doing. So I opened up the topic after I read responses for my earlier post.

    “Why you are refusing to meet therapist?”
    “Because I am sure I don’t need that treatment. You know in our society swinging is not considered as an alternative sexual life style so no matter what you say you will be branded that you need treatment. If you want to taste then ask your therapist whether threesome is normal in their view because threesome is normal activity for you.”
    “ Look you can’t paint all therapist with one brush. We don’t have experience about this so we can’t make such generalisation.”
    “ If we both decides to resolve this issue then we can discuss and work out the solution and for that we don’t need any therapist and if we can’t agree on some issue then no therapist in the world is going to make us agree on something that you or me don’t want to. So please don’t give me that bullshit again. We need to improve our rational thinking & understanding by empathising each others views. Can you tell me what is your actual problem?”
    “ My actual problem is that I am not comfortable when I hear some one call you slut or drag you, kiss you, fondle your breast with haste. I know that they are doing it because they know that you are available for them but total lack of etiquettes makes me uncomfortable.”
    “You expect that these blocks should treat me like delicate glass then I will tell you I am fade up with etiquettes and formal behaviour in swinging. That takes away my most of the pleasure because I concentrate on what I should talk, what I should do & should not. Am I pleasing everyone or not. These blocks are direct. Why they need my permission to kiss, cuddle or fondle my breast when they know why I am there for?”
    “Ok. Could you tell me what is so special in gang bang that liked you very much?”
    “I liked the intensity of lust I see in their eyes, the impatience to get me in bed, their begging for more sex, their try to impress me in bed. Every single male pays undivided attention to me. Nothing happens of this sort in couple to couple interaction because if male pays more attention to me then it will not be viewed favourably by his wife so swinging is more like formal process and hence boring to me. Whereas in gang bang when the group undress me I enjoy when they are mesmerised by my nude beauty. When I see that all eyes are locked to my nude beauty, when I sense their deep breathing, when I see their delayed eyelid flashing, it intoxicates me. The group try to compete with each other to get my attention. At one occasion one male took measurement of my vagina, inner lips, outer lips everything and compared with perceived good looking vagina as per vagina institute and told every one that my vagina stand out from others. I know it looks childish but it is pampering that I like. If I talk dirty the group enjoys it. I don’t feel any pressure about being tactful or diplomatic.”
    “Well. Even if I agree that you enjoy all this but fact remains that why your interest is sustained for a long period of time because after the novelty is worn off then it becomes monotonous & looses its charm. Gang bang can’t be an exception to this general phenomenon”
    “Gang bang are not monotonous because every gang bang is unique in some way. In one Gb party, after i was undressed they apply chocolate from breast to my legs and every one licked my body. Some one comes with some innovative sex game and i enjoy it. But in general swinging life style has short life but I take conscious effort to make it interesting because it pays me in terms of extreme pleasure I get out of it.
    “Don’t you think things can go out of control?”
    “I now make home work, do lot of planning and execute gang bang as per my terms. I screen candidates, see their photos, learn their real or nick names whatever they declare before we meet in Gang bang. Introduce myself confidently to the group. Call them by their names. It makes lot of difference. Tell them what is expected by me and ask what they want from this gang bang. Take everyone in confidence. There are always one or two stupid people in gang bang. Ask other members what they think and they will ridicules them and it takes your pressure off to defend yourself. Ignore stupid fellow. Express with body language and they fall in line. If I don’t want to offer sex to the idiot then I distract him by talking with him or showing over active in sex. Some block expect you as submitting female in bed but female aggressiveness puts them off or they loose their confidence as a result loose their erection because of performance anxiety intentionally created. If I like the guy and if he can’t maintain erection because of anxiety then I relax him and give blow job and when he regains erection then I took initiative and see that he succeeds. There are many block who can’t perform first time. So I have learnt the tricks of the trade hence I know how to control the mob. I can give you the anomaly of the teacher. How teacher controls the class? Same thing applies here as well. So don’t worry about situations going out of hand . No way.”
    “ Well I can’t win you in argument as usual but I still think that the best way to know whether we are addicted or not is to skip swinging for some period and see whether you get that withdrawal symptom for gang bang. Or else let us define the rules and boundaries for our swinging”
    “ Well to be honest with you I will suffer from withdrawal symptoms. It will be indeed painful for me to leave gang bang. Let me tell you, I never get orgasm while intercourse. You give me orgasm by licking my clitoris or by vibrator but not in intercourse. That does not mean I don’t enjoy with you. Same thing happened with other type of swinging but in gang bang because I am totally relaxed and enjoy the environment I get multiple orgasm when two boobs are being sucked by two people, one person busy in kissing and one is shagging me. I did not get this multiple orgasm in first couple of gang bang encounters but when I gained total control in gang bang then I have been getting so many multiple orgasm that i just can’t explain. I know how much I missed by not going for gang bang earlier than I started. but if that is what you are after then I will prefer to quit swinging but will not accept any rules and regulations. We are swinging for more than decades and it is going fine and now why suddenly we need rules? The need of framing rules says that some thing is not right now so better leave this swinging altogether because saving our marriage is first priority. Bottom line is trust and understanding.”
    “ look we should not be slave to our habits so at least let us take a break for a while.”
    “OK” she agreed and then we took break for six months. After that I realised that she proved what she meant. After six months I asked her if she still has desire for gang bang . She said yes. I then allowed her to participate in gang bang with the assumption that she will loose interest within year or two but my assumptions went wrong. She is still very much interested in continuing in her sex romp. I have not lost any respect for her gang bang but some how I feel like she should leave swinging. But from your opinion it seems that I should better leave it to her. I think i have become selfish in the process & creating hurdles in the pleasure of poor lady who has done so much sacrifice for my family.
    Last edited by Mogambo; 12-30-2004 at 12:08 AM.

  10. #10
    Flying solo SluttyWife's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    Hi Mogambo,

    Slutty Wife here. I have some experience in this area and my best advice to you is to keep on talking. :rollseyes I agree with others here that your wife
    is getting something out of her monthly GB parties as well.
    We might as well face it that gangbangs are about pleasuring the insatiable and all the "normal" etiquette in swinging truly does not apply. Part of the appeal of gangbangs IMHO is in the letting go and being sexually taken to some wild and crazy places. That's what's so titillating and about it, hubby! I personally LOVE and really get off on this sort of play...but like Julie said it really isn't swinging.

    Maybe the best way to handle this is to arrange your own little gangbang
    where you have more say about the quality of participants? Perhaps you could help put together a guest list of couples into swinging/threesomes and gangbangs so each of you could have more of what you seek?

    Yours, ;-*

    Slutty Wife
    "Too much of a good thing is wonderful!." -- Mae West

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict Nymph an' Satyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    Well, an occasional gang bang is fine. But once a month for three years- more than I am comfortable with. More than I suspect most swingers are comfortable with. All in all, I really haven't seen too many real honest to life gang bangs. In fact- I haven't seen a one. So I suspect most male halves would be a little put out if their spouse wanted a monthly fix like this.

    And so what if it's about control? You're damn right I control who my wife sleeps with. But the same can be said for her, she controls who I sleep with.

    I would NOT be comfortable with other men calling my wife slut, even if she is- coming from me it's with affection and even admiration...Coming from other guys, it can be simply degrading. Swinging is about BOTH our comfort. I think Mogambo has gone above and beyond in acceptance.

    If she can't back off of gang bangs, or step it down a notch or two- then there are real issues in the marriage. Where is the compromise in this relationship? Where is the give and take? Why is it all everything or nothing, i.e. accept my monthly gang bangs or stop completely? Who is trying to control who here?

    Sorry, I DON'T think Mogambo is being selfish. If his wife was mine- she would be living somewhere else. I wouldn't have a wife gang bang problem- because I wouldn't have that wife.

    Good luck dude- you need IT, and possibly a new wife.

    NEEDING a monthly gang bang? I don't think so....

  12. #12
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    I must say you have a VERY vivid recall of exactly what she said to you.

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict Nymph an' Satyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty
    I must say you have a VERY vivid recall of exactly what she said to you.
    Writing all of that would be an awful lot of work for a troll...wouldn't it?

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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    I caught my wife cheating on me about 2 years ago ,so i told her to do a gangbang and we would forget about it( i figured she would get enough).She did 6 guys . Icaught her again a few months ago ,so she said she would do a big gangbang for me ( that was my fantasy ),so she met a guy on the net and he said about a stag party,she said about doing 10 guys but he said there would be about 15 so she said ok.Anyway the guys talked at thier worksite and they saw a pic of her and now around 30 are going to be there,it doubled in a week and she says she told them she would do it so she will take all she can.My problem is that all the guys want to fuck her (no bj's) and she dont do anal,so can 1 woman handle all these guys by herself (ages early to mid 20's...she's 35)with guys this age word may spread ,so it could be more,and she wants to go alone and it's 100 miles from here.Have any of you women been in this kind of situation,if so ,how did it go ,and how was you after?And after you do this ,does it take more to satisfy you?and has any of you guys done this and how did you treat the woman and how was she after? I'm new to this so what does it mean when they say about it getting out of hand and what happens,does the woman have a say or do the guys take over and do what they want,and could this gangbang get out of hand or is it safe?

  15. #15
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    Default Re: My wife is addicted to gangbang. What should i do?

    Never tried a GB before, but I'm thinking it definitely has the potential to get dangerously out of hand. Especially when you hear that the guest list is spiralling out of control like that. She's not a friggin' carnival ride! You've got the "mob mentality" to be concerned about where they stop listening to her, stop playing, and start using her for real. Then there's the concern about STDs. Might want to screen for that. And then of course, after the party, there's the matter of discretion. With that many young jackasses having participated in their first ever GB, there will be plenty of, "Dude! You won't fuckin' believe what I did this weekend..."

    I know that GBs have been a good thing for some folks, but I don't know if this is what you two should be focusing on right now. The problem is your wife has been dishonest with you. Getting her laid by a group of guys that you know nothing about is NOT the solution you're looking for. The real problem is, she has no reason (that she believes) to be honest with you. Make her understand how important her honesty is to you.
    Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

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