Full Swap that made for an awkward situation...

[SwingingForFun]

We went full swap for the first time w/ a couple that we had soft play w/ before. We decided to try a full swap because I know my husband really wanted to fuck the other girl. Although the guy wasn't as "endowed" as my husband I gave him a chance. Cause sometimes it may not be the size but how well you work the equipment. Well here's how it went. We swapped and my husband and the other girl went fully into it from the jump. He was pounding away at her and she was moaning and screaming. Meanwhile me and ther other husband was having difficulty. He just wasn't doing it for me. Instead of just going at it, it was like he was trying to hard to do certain things...and stopping a lot (just suddenly stopping and pulling out) when I would be close to getting into it. The whole time me and the husband was just TRYING to get into it while my husband and the girl was non-stop going at it. The guy ended ended up cumming and was done...I felt a little cheated and frustrated from not really getting any satisfaction in the act.

Now the awkward part...I like the female of the couple. We had some pretty good girl on girl action and both enjoyed each other. I know she enjoyed my husband and my husband definitely enjoyed her. But I don't enjoy the guy. He just doesn't NOT do it for me during sex or during oral. Have this ever happened to anyone? We took so long to find this couple because we've hung out outside of the bedroom and they are really cool people. I just think that if we decided to not ever play again that there would be awkwardness and we'd lose our new friends. My husband said we can just continue playing with them and for me to just not expect "the greatest sex experiment." I think this is unfair because he and the other girl hit it off together but me and the guy didn't. So I see it as him asking me to "take one for the team"...what are your thoughts on this?

[sexcupid]

Welcome to the board!

It is unfair of your hubby to ask you to keep playing with them just because he and the other wife are hot to trot. And it doesn't matter how long you took to find a couple, if it isn't working for you, it just isn't.

I will be honest with you, in my experience...it's highly unrealistic to expect great or even good sex out of a swing experience. Sometimes the stars align and things are wonderful...sometimes the expereince ranges from mediocre to average. I find that the more expectation you have on a situation, the less satisfying it can be.

Was it the other couple's first full swap as well? What precipitated the change from soft swap to full?

It was your first full swap, maybe you were anxious and things that normally would have felt good were instead annoying. During soft play had the other husband ever played with you (touching/oral/etc) or was it just the girls playing with the guys watching and then you have sex with your own hubby?

If it was the other couple's first full swap, he may have just been exceptionally turned on and his starting/stoping/pulling out was an attempt to keep from orgasming too quickly? Eh, even it wasn't their first full swap, some guys are just exceptionally turned on and have difficulty controlling their orgasm.

For me personally, I go into a swing situation with very little expectation...to the point of I don't expect an orgasm, I want to have a good time, and if my partner has a good time..then great. I will eventually get mine (either in going another round, finding another playmate, or with my sweetie). But I've also found (even in vanilla settings) that first times are not usually spectacular and that if I judged a playmate on their first performance, I would have missed out on some really hot sex later on. Ok, that may sound contradictory to my first statement here...but if there is any attraction between you and the other male, I would give it another shot. If there's not, go back to soft swap with this couple if you still want to play with them.

[tribbles]

So I see it as him asking me to "take one for the team"...what are your thoughts on this?

If you see it that way, then you do not do it. It will hurt your relationship, not enhance it.

[The Fuse]

Yes, welcome to the Board, SwingingForFun!

sexcupid pretty much said it all. The only thing I'd add is that only you know if you are not attracted enough to the other husband to give it another try. Go with what you feel. It does sound like he was a little too excited to give you the best experience he is capable of. And yes, the size of his penis shouldn't matter as much as how he makes you feel with his hands, tongue, lips, and the way he uses his penis.

But I have to ask, if he doesn't do it for you during oral as you said in your original post, why play with him at all? Either that, or ask him for what you do like. I almost always have to (as gently as possible) ask my partners to change up, because I am so sensitive that I feel pain where other women feel pleasure.

Whatever the result, we hope you stick around and participate!

[screaminggood]

Hi Swinging,

Yes, I've been in a similar situation. The girl loved my husband's big, hard cock....and I soon found out why: her husband had "small, limp dick syndrome."

To be honest with you, it's turned me off. I now look for threesomes instead.

Would you want to do a threesome with the woman? You can always phrase it that you have a fantasy of having the other man watching and see what their reaction is? But if you can't get it your way, it's not worth it. There are plenty of other flavors in this ice cream shop that y'all can try.

Good luck!

[SwingingForFun]

Originally Posted by screaminggood

her husband had "small, limp dick syndrome

Well that was the problem with our first swap. It was a soft swap and the girl was REALLY into my husband and her husband had just what you said. I ended up feeling like a 4th wheel in the scenario. Even after that I know my husband was disappointed we didn't play with them again.
With this couple I enjoy the girl play and I know my husband enjoys her and vice versa. I went fully with the guy because I decided to give everything a chance. He may not do it for me in oral but perhaps he was a good fuck...which proved to not be the case. My husband said he doesn't want to go through the meet and greet and such with finding another couple...which I can see why cause the rejection sucks. I'm thinking about giving it another shot to give that guy a chance to "redeem" himself. Husband and I have spoken about this...it's not so much that I have expectations per se. Just that I am doing into this lifestyle for the pleasure but if he's not pleasuring me why stick w/ them is what I'm saying. I just found it a tad irritating that husband wanted to stick w/ them knowing the guy didn't do it for me...he kinda did the same with that other couple I spoke about above.

[tribbles]

Talk about why....I would bet he hates the whole dating thing and getting to know them cuz it takes a lot of time and then when the sex doesn't work great, you have to start all over.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by SwingingForFun

Well that was the problem with our first swap. It was a soft swap and the girl was REALLY into my husband and her husband had just what you said. I ended up feeling like a 4th wheel in the scenario. Even after that I know my husband was disappointed we didn't play with them again.
With this couple I enjoy the girl play and I know my husband enjoys her and vice versa. I went fully with the guy because I decided to give everything a chance. He may not do it for me in oral but perhaps he was a good fuck...which proved to not be the case. My husband said he doesn't want to go through the meet and greet and such with finding another couple...which I can see why cause the rejection sucks. I'm thinking about giving it another shot to give that guy a chance to "redeem" himself. Husband and I have spoken about this...it's not so much that I have expectations per se. Just that I am doing into this lifestyle for the pleasure but if he's not pleasuring me why stick w/ them is what I'm saying. I just found it a tad irritating that husband wanted to stick w/ them knowing the guy didn't do it for me...he kinda did the same with that other couple I spoke about above.

Hi and welcome, Swinging.

I know the rejection part of swinging isn't fun. Neither is bad sex, but they both happen. But if ya'll want to do this, you're gonna' have to sit down and figure this out. I personally wouldn't play with this couple again. It's too frustrating to watch your hubby and his partner getting their rocks off while you're counting ceiling tiles & making your grocery list.

And if you're not BOTH having fun (at least with the sex part), what's the point?

Try going to a club or meet & greet. That's how we've met most of our playmates. We like being able to see people in person right off, and decide whether we want to play with them (even if it doesn't happen that night).

Best of luck to ya'll,

=)

[SwingingForFun]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

It's too frustrating to watch your hubby and his partner getting their rocks off while you're counting ceiling tiles & making your grocery list.

That's pretty much how I feel. I don't want that "frustrated" feeling to be taken as jealousy.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by SwingingForFun

That's pretty much how I feel. I don't want that "frustrated" feeling to be taken as jealousy.

It shouldn't be taken that way. It wasn't working for you. If it doesn't work for both of you, it doesn't work at all. You know what you want and what you don't... good luck, and please let us know how it turns out!

[iapr]

Welcome to the wonderfull world of swinging. Unfortunately what you described is quite common and will probably happen again at some point. In all actuality it is probably somewhat rare that all 4 people come out of a full swap scenario thinking it was an awesome encounter. It is great when it does happen but usually at least one is left scratching their head at the end and looking at their watch.

I do not support your husband in trying to get you to go along with it at all. If someone is leaving you frustrated and awkward you should not have to put up with that again. I honestly do not know if there is anyway you can train this guy to be a better lay. Some people just do not have good sexual chemistry between and I do know if there is a thing in the world you can do about it.

In all honesty I think the real lesson here is not to invest too much time and energy into a "friendship" before playing. If you make friends with someone and people have an expectation of some kind of ongoing relationship then it makes it a whole lot harder to deal with when one turns out to be a dud in the sack.

It will be a bit painfull when it comes to blows but in the long run it is best to cut your losses and get out of this situation asap. anything else will just prolong it and make it worse down the road. Keep in mind though, that the other guy probably realizes that it isn't working between you two and he would rather not get together again either.

[SwingingForFun]

The couple is actually VERY interested in playing again. She said my husband was a great fuck (can't say I blame her) and he said he knows he has to work on his stamina and that I gave a great BJ and the sex was good. Very flattering...but what he's done has worked for him and his partner for so long that I find it somewhat unbelieveable that he will "work" on anything for me. Does that make sense? The sex WASN'T good and neither was the oral. Well we chatted online and then met each other first to make sure there was chemistry before we played...there was chemistry so we played a soft swap at first and then this last time we all the way. In the soft swap I was mostly getting pleasured by my husband...this time around he was a tad busy with the other girl. My husband has already opened it for them to play with us again so they expect to play again...

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by SwingingForFun

The couple is actually VERY interested in playing again. She said my husband was a great fuck (can't say I blame her) and he said he knows he has to work on his stamina and that I gave a great BJ and the sex was good. Very flattering...but what he's done has worked for him and his partner for so long that I find it somewhat unbelieveable that he will "work" on anything for me. Does that make sense? The sex WASN'T good and neither was the oral. Well we chatted online and then met each other first to make sure there was chemistry before we played...there was chemistry so we played a soft swap at first and then this last time we all the way. In the soft swap I was mostly getting pleasured by my husband...this time around he was a tad busy with the other girl. My husband has already opened it for them to play with us again so they expect to play again...

Who cares what they "expect"? You don't have to play with them if you don't want to. Simple as that. Your husband should respect your wishes. Maybe if he read this thread, he'd understand a little better how you feel. I hope you're able to work this out.

=)

[Additude]

Thats a tough call, but like going to any decent resturant, just because you didn't enjoy the food or service the first time doesn't necessarily mean it won't be good if you try the resturant again.

So, with that said I think you should give it another try because your hubby is in to it and has good reasoning with it besides just the sex part. I would also say the same thing that your hubby would owe you if it was the opposite scenario, if you loved it and your hubby wasn't so sure about the wife.

Every dog has it's day so who knows, down the road a while from now you might just have the opportunity to play your trump card and say to your hubby, "You remember Jack and Jill and how I did my thing for you"? "Well you owe me this one......

But besides that, I'm sure this other husband is looking for ways not to cum early and that's why he is pulling out and stopping, etc. which is ruining it for you. You did say when you were starting to get into it he'd slow down, stop, etc....so to me that says there is potential for you and this other hubby to have a great time. You also said the 4 of you have chemistry, so maybe it's worth another try.

Although it's not your duty, maybe you could suggest a cock ring or condom or them having sex earlier before you and your hubby meet them so as to de-sensitize his cock some so he won't feel like cumming early.

Talk to his wife about it, I'm sure with the fun she is having with your hubby and you she would be willing to work on her man and see what steps she could take to keep your friendship.You know these people well, so talk to them like friends. They'll respond.

Besides, you didn't really write that nice long post here and respond to posters because you wanted to drop them, now did you?

[Alura]

Perhaps you can help the other husband to become a more adept lover. I think a four-way conversation may help.

Early in our playing life we had a similar experience with a very nice couple we met. They had been married since their teens and had had no experiences with anyone other than each other. The lady and I had a great time together but her husband was not really good at either oral or intercourse. Mrs. Alura was disappointed.

Thinking that he had potential, Mrs. Alura started teaching him how to please her. One of his problems was that he'd never done any prolonged pussy eating and his tongue began to ache. I told him of a technique to build tongue strength, in which one licks the inside of a shot glass, beginning with ten minutes a day and increasing the time each day as the tongue strengthens. He was very diligent at doing his exercises. Mrs. Alura also coached him on exactly where to lick. He soon became much better at the art.

In the beginning, Mrs. Alura found that if she gave him oral to completion, he would soon be able to get it up again and last much longer. As he learned to keep an attitude of not wanting the fucking to end so soon, he no longer needed "the edge" to be taken off.

We could have just broken off the friendship and looked for someone else but they really were nice folks. The little bit of effort we spent improved the situation and left us all with a feeling of accomplishment. We played with the couple for several years.

Life and children got in the way, our meetings became rarer, and we eventually drifted apart as swingers often do. My guess is, if they still play, that wives have said to their husbands, "Wow! He really knows how to please a woman!"

Mr. Alura