A fear of rejection is probably one of the most common fears that people have, some to a larger degree than others. It applies and can handicap participation in just about any endeavor requiring interaction with other people - careers, dating, relationships and on and on. There is quite a bit of psychology behind the fear of rejection..but what's important is one's ability (or inability) to deal with it. That holds doubly true if you actually plan on doing something with others in the Lifestyle.

If those of you who read what I post on my blog don't retain anything else, save yourself (and others) a lot of heartburn and anguish by heeding the following:

IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE REJECTION, THE LIFESTYLE IS DEFINITELY NOT FOR YOU!!

The starting point for anyone should be don't take it personal. The first place that many people tend to turn to when someone else rejects or ignores them is inward - "what did we do wrong? Yes, it could be something about you or your approach; but it could just as easily be them. If you put your ego on hold and look at things objectively, you'll usually be able to see if it's something distasteful in general that you are doing. For example: Loud, obnoxious or rude personalities tend to spend a lot of time on the sidelines of any social endeavour.

Within the Lifestyle, rejection is, and always will be a two-way street...because not everyone is going to be interested in you, nor are you going to be interested in everyone. Most people have to have some amount of attraction for a potential playmate...even those who are into 'sport-fucking' have standards - their default setting is just a lot lower. As much as many may not want to hear it, having realistic expectations arrived at by taking an honest look at one's self would keep a lot of folks from getting their feelings hurt. And no, I'm not just talking about physical appearance..although I'm not going to deny that it's a large part of the equation. I have a lot of conversations with different people that seem to be spending way too much time trying to figure out why they aren't hooking up with the people they want to. While I'm not trying to trivilize their concerns...the one thing that I point out to all of them is that they can only account for one side of the hook-up equation. Once you find someone with the qualities you are looking for, it's a 'no-go' unless you happen to have the qualities they are looking for. That's where it gets twisted, as some folks apparently think that they are the person everyone is looking for. The saddest are the infamous "Kens and Barbies" that unwittingly provide comic relief within the Lifestyle. For those who don't know who I'm referring to...these are the people that feel looking good frees them from any need to possess any other trivial traits - like personality or intelligence. Don't get me wrong..if you got it, flaunt it - but the 'it' you got isn't guarenteed to be considered 'it' by everyone. We watched a size 2 Barbie-type with big plastic breasts sit in a corner and cry one night because the couple who told her 'No Thanks' hit the playroom with a very sexy all-original-equipment size 12 Amazon! Some of the things that people feel are their assets can just as easily be liabilities depending on who happens to be the one asked to consider them! The following are a few things that I've noticed in online profiles of people who have asked me "Why can't we seem to connect with people?" and what I feel may have been a counterpoint that got them passed by:

Some people highlight that they are "in-shape smokin hot hardbodies" and consider 'height/weight proportionate' to be the minimum standard for their playmates - some people consider themselves in the other 78% of the American population. (Keep in mind that there are two sides to 'height/weight proportionate' - a 5'2" tall, 275lbs woman isn't...but neither is a 6' tall, 130lbs man!)

Some men highlight that they have exceptional 'oral skills' - some women see that as code for, limp or 60 second dick'.

Some women highlight that they are 'squirters' - some men aren't totally convinced that it's not urine.

Some men highlight that they "can stay hard all night" - some women only need it hard long enough to work it's magic, chafe easily, and have stuff to do early the next morning.

Some people highlight their 'southern pride' by posting pictures of her in a confederate flag bikini - other people suspect that there may be a klan hood in the drawer next to it.

Some men highlight that they have '10 inches plus' - some women prefer their cervix unbruised and where it is.

Some people highlight a preference for playmates of a certain political party (No, I'm not kidding) - some people feel that it's moot because one party sucks and the other one blows.

Some people highlight a preference for BBW or BHM - some people prefer not to fight out of their weight class.

Some people highlight a preference for a particular race - some people only sort their laundry by color

Some women highlight that they have 'Triple D' breasts - some men consider anything over a mouthful or handful a waste.

Some people highlight fuzzy pics of them next to crystal clear pics of their car with the oversized shiny rims - some people realize that the wheels cost more than the car did.

Some people highlight the fact that they are 'highly educated' - some people notice that they mis-spelled 'discreet' several times.

Although I'm being a bit facetious, the point I'm making is that you will never be able to figure out why someone may have rejected you simply because there are just too many variables. Different people can look at a particular thing and have two completly different impressions..and you are really pissing into the wind if you try to say which one is right - it doesn't matter, it's the one they have. I always listen to what they say, and point out what might turn us off about the impression their profile gives of them. Suprisingly, often there's really nothing that stands out and I can't say anything but the folks they hit up are looking for something else.

And one more point - that "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" thing is great advice for a lot of things...but continually trying to hook up with someone who has already told you they aren't interested is a serious breach of etiquette! Very few people consider begging attractive - As BWP said back in the day, "NO MEANS NO, MUTHA F**KA!"

Regardless of how you go about meeting potential playmates, you are going to both reject and be rejected..it's the nature of the beast. If you can't simply chalk it up to, "These people aren't interested in us" and let it go, then you are going to be a very unhappy camper.

M