Hello,

I am not sure how to do this, so I will just type and put my feelings and thoughts out there.

It is more for myself than any recognition from anyone.

I am a male, 48, 5'11", 195 lbs.

So much for the physical aspects of myself.

I really don't know where to start so I might start at the end.

Where I am now.

Or Start at the beginning.

I think I will just start at the middle and work towards both ends.

The middle starts at the age of 23 when I decided right out of college to get married.

Wife#1

A 18 yr old gal that just thought that the moon rose and set in my ass.

Married her and had a kid.

5 years later we were divorced.

I was too young, she was too young, we were too young and it was not to be.

I loved my first born child.

God I loved her and child support and supporting my child was my life.....

Wife #2

I met her after my divorce and it was so neat to talk to someone that was intelligent and witty.

Lonesome has no brains.

Got her pregnant and had second and third child.

Second child is the light of my life. Wanted her to get an abortion and she did not.

I decided to do the right thing.

I married her.

This child is ironically the person I always wanted to be.

Accepting and unjudging.

Third child with her was a boy. I had always wanted a boy.

A man always wants a boy to show his balls and be a moldable personality to mimic himself.

He was severely autistic.

And when I say severely, I mean functioning on a 2 yr old level or less.

Even to this day at 17 yrs old. He is no better.

I changed his diapers till he was 8 yrs. old.

I had to give him 24/7 care because his mother could not.

Autism made him also very aggressive. Being a threat to him and his sister.

He is now in a home. And I see him regularly.

Wife #3

A very overweight woman I met via the internet.

As close to love as I will ever get.

She has been a good woman, and because of her kindness I was able to get rid of alot of anger from my childhood.

Well that is the basics.

As a child I was raised by a farmers son to start working in the oilfield at the age of 11.

He was a good man.

He taught me to always find a way to make something work.

On the other hand there was my mother.

A bipolar/manic/depressive.

Always being sick/hypochondria

Being angry one minute and happy the next.

Nothing was good enough for her.

Constant arguments between her and my father.

Daily, everyday, every week, every month, every year since I was old enough to remember.

I spent all my years till graduation from highschool being the best I could be for fear she would berate me.

Even so, with a 93.7 average on graduation.

A letter in Track

A letter in Football

A letter in Scholastics-Science

A Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do Karate-Moo Duk Kwan

National Honor Society

Being Published in Who's Who

It was never enough.

Needless to say I was no saint. I was starting to drink at 14.

At 17 smoking pot, which at 44 I finally stopped after being a daily smoker.

Anyway I fought my way through College and got my degree in Business Admistration at UTA

So much more to say, so much more inbetween, but this gives you a simple base to know me.

This is not all my pain, and there is much joy throughout my life too.

I just need to do this to tell you where to start in seeing me.

Life Now!

I am in the middle of getting a divorce from my 3rd wife.

Have a 29 year old woman, who is also married, devoted to me. A married couple I am playing with on a regular basis, A new 32 year old, good looking woman whom I am playing with on the side of the others like 2 times a week. And a new couple that I will be seeing regular pretty soon.

Wow!

I just have said it.

I seem to be fishing alot and that is why I am catching so much fish.

My wife and I are going to be separated and divorced by August and it is becoming so complicated.

I just cant seem to stop looking for new friends or partners in crime.

It is so fun to be desired. It is so satisfying to satisfy someone.

It is so scary to know that I might not ever get enough!

This is my start of my blog.

Never done one before in my life. But I needed if nothing else to type this in and see it just for myself.

May 26, 2008- The beginning of my thoughts online.

Joel