In my opinion, something that is putting a damper on the Lifestyle for many is that it's pretty much a playground that anyone with a computer can, to an extent, play on. The simple fact of the matter is that thanks to the Internet, anyone can play 'Swinger'...and they do! One thing that is often suggested is that swinging is more 'mainstream' today - less underground. At the risk of being accused of nit-picking, I would argue that the idea of swinging is much more accepted and prevelant as a sexual fantasy[/U]...and the Internet enables said fantasy to be safely indulged in. Therein lies the problem...because mixed in with all the folks fantasizing about swinging, there are people who are actually trying to find people they are attracted to - so that they can have sex with them! There is a gigantic difference between the two.

Now don't get me wrong..fantasy is a basic element of sexuality - like the seasoning in a receipe. But like said seasoning, it's always subject to individual tastes..and too much can ruin the dish! Over the years, G and I have indulged in some of the more common fantasies..camming, phonesex, roleplaying, etc. I'm not gonna lie..we enjoyed them...especially when the right people were involved. But...and here is that gigantic difference I mentioned, fantasy activities are neither the norm nor the limit of our sex life. As a rule, now that I think about it, the fantasy activities we have indulged in have been with friends who we had played with in person previously. It's safe to say that all of these activities pretty much took up residence as "Been there, done that - got the T-shirt and the coffee mug" for us.. cool, but no reason to go back.

There are quite a few 'swingers' who restrict play with others to camming, phonesex, or other methods where physical contact with other human beings isn't in the mix. To those people, I'm not judging them or their 'thang'... my only request is that they are upfront about where they are coming (cumming?) from. One of the basic principles of swinging is 'different strokes for different folks'...and a successful match starts with your 'strokes' being similar to our 'strokes'. I have no problem having a conversation/chat with anyone provided I'm not otherwise occupied, but there are going to be limits..especially when I suspect you only have one hand on the keyboard.

In theory, the Internet should have been a boon to the Lifestyle just as it has been to so many other facets of life today. In theory, all of the folks whose sexual thang is limited to seeing pictures of other people having sex would only hit up other people whose thang is seeing pictures of other people have sex. All of the people whose thang is limited to phone or cam sex would belong to sites called 'CumInMyEar.com' or 'WatchuswatchUfuk.com'. But what's the reality? For some reason, it's more satisfying if you can convince or fool others into letting you do your thang with no regard for their's. And apparently, putting exactly what you are not interested in on your page or profile is taken as a challenge by those whom it refers to.... how else can those who have some form of 'No single men' in their profiles explain the constant emails from single men? (Perhaps it's the fault of our educational system...low reading comprehension?)

Personally, I see ever-increasing signs that Lifestylers are backing away from the Internet. It used to be that the way to go was belonging to multiple sites..getting your face in the place. But more and more, couples are picking a site that they are comfortable with and kicking the others to the curb. Previously, when a new site popped up, you could count on seeing a few familiar faces when you did a site search..not so anymore. Many others are shunning sites all together and relying on Swing Clubs, meet and greets, and/or house parties exclusively. I suppose that's a solution..but as there are just as many problems with those venues, it's hardly the solution.

If it sounds like I'm venting or on a tirade...I am. Of the 2 sites we are on, we have been hit up by over 15 people the last couple of days..and all but 2 were either specific cases of what we have clearly said we are not looking for. Considering that our profiles have the disadvantage of my face on them, I shudder to think of how much wasted mail other couples not so handicapped are being flooded with! And let's not even talk about all of the Yahoo Messenger IMs that flood your screen if you are foolish enough to allow everyone to see if you are on!

Perhaps the Lifestyle needs to go back underground...where word of mouth and close-knit circles with people of like mind are the order of business. The fact of the matter is that the bigger something gets, the harder it is to maintain.

It's very possible we are looking at proof positive about that old saying, "Nothing lasts forever". Hopefully there's something to reverse this downward spiral warming up in the bullpen!