When Mr. O and I first met, it was lust at first sight. We'd talked and written before meeting for several weeks, so the anticipation was at its height for me. What I saw, I had to have...so much so that I gave it up on the second date (not completely like me, but not "unlike" me either). What I didn't know when we got started was that we were planting a tree. It's going to be a big tree, but it started as a seed. We planted it on our second date and watered it with too much wine. It sprouted not too long after and we've been feeding it with fantasies, experimentation, and confessions ever since. We trust each other implicitly, but even still, it takes time to give up all your ghosts. Even now, there are fantasies or "confessions" that come out that surprise us both. I think it will always be this way because as you grow with each other, one desire builds on another and you find out more about yourself and your partner than you did before. It's not like you are keeping things from each other...for how can you keep something from someone that you didn't even know you thought until you thought it? This can go on forever, always morphing and changing and growing...just like that little tree we planted. It's small still, pretty new, but it's big enough to decorate with taboos now. Which brings me to my point...a long intro. for a heavy but short main consideration:

When Mr. O brought the idea of swinging to me, it freaked me out(sort of). The idea of sex with others didn't...the intricacies did--the possible jealousy, the fear of disease, the worry of it becoming cheating and ruining our marriage, the terror of being "found out" by family and friends, the nervousness of social situations suddenly expecting more of me, etc. etc. etc.

It was taboo.

Now, it is not. It is very much the path we are on. The things we have thus done with each other that once were taboo to one or both of us (mostly me...I'm the morality police in this couple ) are no longer "scary" or "wrong" or even "naughty", they're just further possibilities. But, that leaves a sea of taboos still to try.

I notice as I scan the threads on this site, esp. the ones that relate to my own fears (pregnancy, jealousy, risky behavior, taboo fantasies, bi-sexuality, etc.) that even in this swinging world (which is a huge taboo to much of the vanilla world) that there are still taboos.

I find it sort of ironic (though understandable, becaused we all have our limits) that even swingers get uppity about the sexual choices that some people in their ranks make. I noticed a thread that lead to a heated discussion over dark room orgies. I've started my own thread questioning the acceptance of bi-sexuality in men. I've sat back and giggled over some of the tirades and looked on with horror at others.

So is something taboo only until you've tried it and liked it? To me, a taboo is a thing looked upon with disdain and fear by a society or group. We only fear what we don't know and what makes us uncomfortable. To me, anything can be accepted if a society (or group) deems it acceptable.

I remember having a very loud debate in a group of women friends when I was in college. One girl said it pissed her off that so many younger girls were now making out in bars simply to get noticed and get laid by men. She said it went against everything that made lesbian relationships sacred and that it was wrong. Another woman at the table said she understood that lots of women were bi-sexual or at least bi-curious. That ticked off another woman who said bi was BS...that it was just a state of confusion, of someone not being able to commit to one side or the other. That left me in the middle, next to my first female crush. I wanted to scream out...I have a boyfriend, I love to have to sex with men, but I want to kiss HER! What does that make me? But, I didn't.

I also once had a boyfriend who cheated on me with a man. Whoa, baby! I didn't even know how to field that one. A couple of years later, though, I had sex with that same old boyfriend, and somehow his bi-sexuality made him sexier to me...told me he did it just see what it felt like and was afraid to let me in on it lest I think him a freak. Okay, so he did it behind my back, and that was bad...but I would have thought he was a freak back then, and it would've probably grossed me out.

My how things change. Now I think a little guy on guy might be sort of hot to watch.

All I'm saying is that maybe we should be more open to the things people want. I notice that some posters get attacked, or at least "cyber-slapped" right away just for bringing up something that another reader might find out of the ordinary or taboo in their world.

I also notice a lot of replies that rely on the support of an unseen "they" or "most other swingers" to back up the point that the replier is making, as if it isn't forceful enough to say "I...yes I and I alone, since I can speak for no one else...disagree with you and find you appalling." Now, some people do that, which is commendable...at least they are owning their beliefs. It's great that we can all share our opinion, but some of the threads where this flinging of mud happens the most prevalently aren't asking for opinions and judgement from people who disagree. They are simply seeking information from people who have been there or can help them out.

I guess I just wonder why people feel such a need to hound others about their own taboos.

There are of course some threads where the issue at hand is illegal or extremely harmful to someone else (which, I suppose is also relative in this discussion of taboos). That is a different story. I'm not talking about those. The people who start those DO deserve a cyber-beating.

Anyhow, I think I've talked myself right into a corner here. Not trying to offend...just wondering how a thread that begins with a simple question can become a complete attack on the poster. Makes me afraid to ask questions and I don't think that's the point of this site.

I love being able to do a quick search when I have a question or concern and read for hours what others have experienced. It helps me feel validated or just plain breathe easier. I know I'm not alone. This site is great for that. And it is rare that I find this type of post-bashing here. Maybe I'm too sensitive and I take too much of what is said personally. I have no reason to protect these posters...except that maybe one day it will be me who asks a question or poses a possiblity that pisses someone else off enough that I am the one under fire. Yikes!

Anyway, enough for now. I hope this isn't misunderstood. Sometimes I have real trouble making sense of my thoughts in a way that others will grasp them.