Sometimes, it seems I'm difficult to satisfy. I have to stop and realize just how lucky I really am.

Does swinging sex have a meaning? ... a value?

Well, our first several encounters had a very significant meaning in our lives. They were both "proof" that we had done our homework and were fully prepared to enjoy the fruits of adventurous wild party sex with others AND they were a "celebration" of that fact. They were strange and new, full of excitement and unknowns - we had given each other permission to fully enjoy grunty, sweaty, take your breath away sex with whomever might strike our fancy. Our love for each other and the strength of our bond is without question. We love each other now, just as much as we ever did - we now have a new way to express our love to each other. We marveled at how each house party rekindled our sexual desire for each other and gave us a new way to share our closeness.

We learned to relax with our playmates and enjoy the opportunities to feel the sexual excitement with others. Somethings about it became familiar and predictable. The stomach butterflies of overwhelming uncertainty were partially replaced with a new confidence. That confidence feels good - we knew it was quite likely we could get laid by almost anyone at the party. We felt more comfortable negotiating a sexual encounter with someone - meshing our preferences with theirs. Sometimes we'd describe in detail the activities we'd like and other times we'd start with a massage and just play it by ear as we went along. We got a cool little thrill from pleasing our playmates and we enjoyed the pleasures they provided us.

Gradually, I began to notice that there may be something missing,,, because the nature of the thrill was changing. Yes, we enjoyed the parties very much. We enjoyed the anticipation before the party and we especially enjoyed our little after-party. I enjoyed observing the attention she got when she walked through a room of horny men. I wouldn't want to go back to the previous intensity of stomach butterflies, but there was a part of that I think I was missing.

Last night, we talked as we fondled and caressed each other. We talked about the playmates we had enjoyed being with and the activities we remembered with a smile. We talked about how those encounters were a gift we gladly give each other because of the intensity of our love and our desire to provide a special variety in our passion for each other.

She reminded me that each smile I share with a playmate is a steamy hot love note from her. Perhaps that is the "meaning" I had forgotten about and was searching for.....