Susan,

Unfortunately cheating is the norm it seems. Hopefully she won't destroy her relationship with it.

S

I'm so sorry. I understand how you feel about having to just get it out. I often think as I type.

Vol

venting is good. so sorry to hear of your friends decision!

It's really sad she made this choice.

My wife is currently wrestling with her emotions for a dear friend of hers ("Jane"). Her friend isn't cheating on her husband, but it's still very bad. Her friend recently divorced "john". John threatened to kill her on more than one occasion, destroyed a number of her belongings, etc.

Through the divorce, we helped her, supported her, transported her when she was in danger, provided a place for some of her belongings, etc.

Now, Jane is considering reconciling with John. The idiocy is shocking to say the least.

My wife and her have been friends for 10 years and they are quite close. But, Jane has made a huge number of poor decisions over the last few years. My wife is finding it increasingly painful to care for Jane when Jane continues to make bad decision after dangerous decision after stupid decision.

Jane's life is hers to lead. Nobody can tell her what to do, my wife included. My wife does have the privilege of choosing whom she cares deeply about. She is considering distancing herself strongly from Jane because it is so painful to watch Jane essentially self-immolate time and time again.

I'm telling you this because you may be in a similar situation. You might consider telling your friend what an idiot she is being, and then dropping it and your friendship with her, perhaps other than retaining minimal contact.

I just have to wonder Susan, now that some time has passed. Did this work out between them or even your friendship ?

Okay, it's a mess and here goes.

After the news, Sarah called me to try and make things right. She did separate from her husband. I explained to her that I would only talk to her further if she chose to live an honest life. That all of her problems were from playing games in an effort to get what she wanted, instead of something genuine. A key point is that I'm a friend of hers completely outside of her normal scope and peer group. We were a friendship that evolved from happenstance.

She didn't stop the lying, half truths or embellishing. She had everything from brief affairs to one night stands with about ten different men. All of the relationships ended badly. Meanwhile she continued to give her husband false hope of reconciliation. She began going to a therapist, but was also lying to her. Sarah's drinking became worse and borderline alcoholic. At one point she said,"You're just angry because I'm sleeping around ." I replied," No, I'm saddened because you always have sex that you regret."

Last May she accused me of breaking her confidences to one of her friends. Later that day she emailed me to say she learned that I had nothing to do with it. Yet, that was the 'last straw.' I was able to look into the matter discretely and that's when a series of lies were exposed. Her first affair was not with 'some guy'. It was with the husband of one of her dearest friends. Her friend does not know and the affair has long passed.

I had been played by a very good con-artist to see her as someone she wasn't. I saw indications and ignored them. I was saddened because such choices never work out. You cannot do dishonorable things and expect an honorable outcome.

I have not spoken with Sarah since May 8th. I cannot help her. Yet, a day does not go by that I do not think of her and the sadness of her life. She will soon be divorced from her husband who is raising their two children. Ed has said I have taken this harder than anything else he has seen me experience. He's right. When I met Sarah I thought she was a woman trying to break out intellectually. Instead she was just another woman celebrating her feminism with alcohol, being on her back and being validated by a man's words to get her into bed, instead of his actions for something genuine.

So, there is no longer any friendship, no longer any marriage and I doubt she'll ever change. And just like last September, I am saddened beyond words.

that's what the blogs are here for, for you to post whatever you want/need to post.

sorry to hear that about your former friend...she really needs a therapist (most of the good ones can see thru the bs and lies)...she almost sounds like a borderline or antisocial disorder (lots of con-artist types are antisocial)

the end of a friendship is a very sad thing

Well, Mark Twain once said that while he never wished any one ill, he had read some obituaries with great joy. No one died, yet:

Sarah got remarried within a year of her divorce. Which I've learned is common for women like her. She also got custody of the kids. She also got a job at her dream company, albeit at the bottom. As she is a con artist I believe she got married to prove she wasn't a bad wife, got custody to prove she wasn't a bad mother and the job to prove she was a capable person.

Move ahead to the present: The marriage turns out to be with someone just as much a drinker and con artist as she was and the proverbial high school boyfriend who had looked her up on Facebook. She's unemployed as two jobs with high profile companies did not work out. So, some justice was served and I didn't have to do anything. Oh, and the husband is cheating on her and she just found out this week. I know this because she called and left a long voice message, which I admit seems odd because I haven't spoken to her in over three years. I will not be returning the call. So, after some initial success with running her cons, as with all such things over time, it all fell apart.

As my Zen side is often in conflict with my Roman side, I hate to admit that I enjoyed hearing the news. I now hope the husband gets a better custody situation. Anyway, that's it on this.

It's not often we get the follow-up story, especially a long term follow-up. Thanks for remembering this blog entry and letting us know how it has turned out, so far.

And I can understand why you would enjoy hearing the news.

There's a catchphrase from an old television show , I think it was called,"Get Smart," and each time he overtook the bad guy he'd say,"If she'd only used her powers for niceness." Sarah had a brilliant mind, so sad.

You reap what you sow....

...and Facehook makes me sick...it seems to be the downfall of many...from the attempt to relive the past or the relationship with people you don't really even know...

I don't know you Edison Carter but we know the a definition of insanity is to keep falling in the same hole...step over it and don't return her calls....