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Common Denominator
As an engineer, I enjoy the occasional thread about what makes swingers different from the general population. Of course I've pondered that myself,, many times.
Swinging is a behavior and behaviors are the result of causes or needs. Logic dictates there is a common denominator among swinging married couples. And yet, we collectively shoot big gaping holes in every theory I've seen proposed here (why do I suspect mine will be any different). Our evidence is mostly anecdotal, but generally, we all sing the same song. Therefore, we already "know" swingers are not more intelligent, less committed to our relationship, driven by lower morals or higher sex drives - than the general public.
We are not a random subset of the population - we think and act a little differently. Why is it so difficult to discern the difference except by our party behavior? I think there are three major factors successful swinging couples share: an understanding of jealousy; independent thinking; and an adventurous spirit. Two-out-of-three is not good enough and all three doesn't necessarily make a swinger.
I think we all understand jealousy is a negative emotion and choose to ignore it. We are strongly committed to the durability of our relationship and sex with others is simply not a threat. Jealousy is a formidable demon that morphs to milk-toast once conquered. Fear of jealousy influences many playtime rules and boundaries for beginning swingers.
We have to think for ourselves and occasionally question authority. We know that "what" we do is just as important as "why". Generally, we do the right thing even when no one is looking and we value the Golden Rule. We expect respectful encounters and transactions.
We optimistically look for fun and challenging opportunities. We're willing to take action, cause a change, and respond positively when our cheese is moved. We know how to exercise due caution and evaluate threats to revise our game plan on the fly. The adventure continues as long as we expect to derive a benefit.
So, if all the married, non-jealous, independent thinking optimists in the world would raise their hands, we would likely see more armpits than swingers. Swinging is just one of the many adventures we might enjoy. Some folks choose to come to swinging later in life for a variety of reasons. Some folks are unable to participate because their spouse didn't raise their hand.
The scope of this thought is limited to long term married couples who have been swinging longer than just an initial trial period. I don't feel qualified to comment for singles and plenty of couples are lured by their fascination of sexual adventure and then discover another adventure suits them better or they apply their energy toward other needs.
In summary, once all the higher priority needs have been satisfied and the independently thinking couple turn their sense of adventure toward sex, they are likely to find and explore swinging. Their ability to manage jealousy influences their success probability. Their satisfaction from the adventure influences their duration in swinging.
I've donned my flak vest, fire at will.....
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