Playing devil's advocate here: perhaps the "don't be too picky" crowd is suggesting that even if we aren't physically attracted to someone at first, if we take the time to get to know them as people, we might begin to think of them as potential playmates after all. Even though that hasn't been your experience, perhaps that has been the experience for others.

Personally, even if I (Greg) have no desire to play with someone, I'm still willing to be cordial to that person, but it's very unlikely that I will play with her even if we become good friends. On the other hand, if Sheryl doesn't want to play with someone, she generally doesn't want anything to do with him from the start.

You might want to reconsider posting this in the thread. It was a little disappointing that no one backed us up when we explained how necessary it was to be patient in order to stick to one's criteria.

which thread are you referring to?

I am like you, if I'm not interested I'm still going to be cordial to the person/ people. Just because I don't want to fuck you doesn't mean I don't want to be friendly. But, at the same time if I don't want to fuck you initially chances are that's not going to change as I get to know you better. Chances are more likely that the more I get to know someone and become "friends" with them the less likely it will be that we will swing together.

There are a few (very few) exceptions to that rule where I just totally click with someone initially on a friend and an attraction level so that it could go either way (or both).

Referring to this thread. In fact, we were the first ones to respond to the original poster, but we got drowned out by everyone else saying that the OP shouldn't be so picky.

We've been down the road of meeting people that we weren't 100% sure we would be physically attracted figuring we'll get to know them and perhaps there will be chemistry between looks and personality. If we had lots of time that would not be a bad way to go, but there's only so many nights in a month that we get to meet people so we're now much more selective in the physical attributes (most of this is online). That being said, two of the wife's favorite men (couples) were ones that she was not 100% take in by the online profile pics..and we click pretty well on the friends part as well. But at parties if we can't get past the physical aspect, then def. nothing is going to happen.

I'm having a hard time phrasing what I want to say so bare with me hopefully I'll get my thoughts out in a coherent manner.

I do believe that there is some merit in the statement of "Don't be too picky" . One shouldn't throw out all the criteria they use in finding a playmate but...one also should remember the chances of your "fantasy" playmate coming along is slim. We all have warts of some degree or another.

I have a friend whom, her and her husband have been swinging for a few years now...so far, they have only had FMF threesomes (they are the luckiest darn people in that respect I've ever seen). She "says" she wants to try a couple swap and/or possibly a MFM threesome but her reasons as to why they haven't yet, just don't seem to add up to me.

She tells me that she has yet to meet a man who is comparable to her husband...in looks or personality. When I ask her what she's looking for her response is basically PERFECTION...she wants what amounts to the best of the Chippendale dancers/GQ model.

Now, I'm not saying that those type of men don't exist in swinging...but, they are very rare. To me, her expectations are too high. She's not looking for a man that is handsome and would be fun to fuck...she's looking for basically a fantasy that really doesn't exist.

Even after years of discussing this with her..I still have a hard time understanding her...I've asked her if she really wants to fuck another man, if she feels that if she did fuck another man her husband would have a hard time with it and if she's just afraid of fucking another man. Her answers have been, yes she wants to fuck another man, no she doesn't feel her husband would have a hard time with it and no she's not afraid to.

Okay...so is she telling me that in almost five years of searching she hasn't come across one man that she finds attractive to any extent? I personally think she's being too picky but...I also think she has the right to be that way. I also think that she's really not being honest with herself...she's bi and I really don't think she wants to fuck another man and that if she admits that then it somehow makes her/them less of swingers.

We all have a right to be picky but...I really do believe there is a point of being too picky.

Did any of that make any sense at all?

T.

Yes, T, I thought your comments made perfect sense.

Some people are too picky. Some are not picky enough.

The only thing I can say so far is that seeing pics online, if they don't have the instant "WOW" factor, and you choose to pass them by, can sometimes be too picky. I am more attracted to smiles, laughter, and personality than rock hard abs. And online pictures don't allow you to see that side of someone.

You could meet someone at a club that you instantly connect with, only to realize you passed over their pictures online because they weren't your "type".

Picky or too picky. Really what does it matter? If you are happy with your choices and having a good time, you've accomplished for yourselves what swinging is all about to you.

I pesonally used to have to meet the person before I could form a good opinion since some things I find attractive (laughter, respect) do not come across in a profile. The lack of those attributes usually are glaring for me. So, if it was someone I felt had potential, we tried to meet. I guess that says, I'm picky to a certain extent. I'm having some trouble explaining this. Profiles were definitely passed over because nothing...physical or otherwise...appealed to us. But if I saw some humor in a profile that didn't physical looks didn't just jump at me, I was willing to chat some. Chatting is sometimes hard to show your true personality in. But, like my sister said about meeting singles online (not swinging), if wit and things like that come across in chatting, they are usually even better in person. Neither her nor I have found that belief to have failed us so far.

My bottom line when things like this are discussed is just go with what makes it fun for you.

Vol

Teresa - I totally get what you are saying and I do agree with you to a point. I think that people who fall into the category you described are just making excuses. She hasn't found that perfect guy yet because she isn't really interested in being with another guy yet.

Vol - I get what you are saying too and I am typically the same way. There are many people I see online that based on what I see online I'm on the fence about. Other times it's obvious one way or the other just from looking at a picture.

There are definitely times when a personality can make a person become more (or less) attractive and online you can't always judge the personality. But, if you aren't attracted for any reason why should anyone say "you're being too picky" or "don't be so picky". If you aren't attracted, you aren't attracted - it doesn't matter the reason why.

I agree Julie (been doing that a lot lately LOL). There's nothing wrong with being picky, and "too picky" is usually a label given by someone else about another. Speed and I see nothing wrong with waiting for the right woman and right situation for our next FMF, even if it takes months or longer. We have each other, and anything else is just sprinkles on the cupcake.

I know its rare for me to give an opinion around here (pause for recovery of breath), but I think the issue isn't being 'too picky'.

Its being too picky compared to what you yourself are like. If you are a couple with a 5 and a 4 and only want to swing with 8's and up, you are too picky.

I've seen that a number of times, where hum drum, out of shape, very average couples seem to be holding out for their erotic dream fantasy couple right off a romance book cover.

I think in my post about newbie mistakes I covered this a bit.

You should be at least attracted to the couples you swing with, but if you are grossly unrealistic in your target you will rarely get to play.

Now if you are natural perfect 10's and only want to play with 10's you will have the same problem, but in that case perhaps you ARE being too picky. Of course my heart bleeds for those people

Being picky is not such a bad thing. However, being TOO picky can cause frustration for many.

Mrs. CXXC is relatively picky in her height and weight requirements. That being said, I must also inform you that she has been with play mates that I would NEVER have picked from the crowd. To her, if they can make her laugh, they have a better chance of sharing her intimacy than any buff, tall dark and handsome gent or perfect 10 female.

Me? Well, I find the personality far more important to me than the physical. Do I prefer the 10? SURE! Do I expect to be with a 10? Not really. When it happens, I just smile and know that I must have been their type. Happy me!

Also, one has to truly think about the physical aspects of choosing a play mate. One of the things that Mrs. CXXC and I look for in a play mate is their ability to perform. She likes the long drawn out fast paced "Knock the bottom off" steady fuck. The physique of the individual she is looking at is a pretty good indicator of just how well they will perform.

I love a woman on top and to be able to move about on the playing area easily. If I can toss her about here or there, the happier I am. Again, if I am unable to lift you, I am not too inclined to pursue you. It is nothing against you but I have my desires too.

Am I being too picky? I don’t think so. Are my expectations in a lover too high? I doubt that.

Being picky has a great deal to do with the abilities as well as the appearance.