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The "Bi" Debate

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CXXC

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My wife and I have done a great deal of research on the topic of "Bi"-sexuality. We have come up with some interesting information in our quest. However, we have come up with, just as many, questions after discovering our findings.

 

First, we must remember that regarding the lifestyle, the majority of people are concerned with the physical side of being "Bi". In all of our reading on the blogs, forums and profiles, we have yet to discover the topic of "Emotional Bi-sexuality". Thereby the individual is emotionally attracted to both sexes equally.

 

Now that that is out of the way, let us cover a few issues we have discovered with the naming convention.

 

There are simply not enough options offered by ANY lifestyle web site to enable all individuals to be happy with their choice. Most offer the top three, Bi, Bi-curious or straight.

There are several other options that could be offered to enlighten and locate like minded individuals.

Bi-comfy (Does not need it but enjoys it when it happens)

Bi-Tolerant (Is not turned off by it but is not willing to return the favor)

Bi-Situational (When the individual is in the mood to engage in Bi-sexual unions, they do. It is entirely situational)

Bi-Individual (This person does not plan on having same sex encounters with anyone but a specific individual)

Bi-exhibitionist (This individual generally is not into the acts of Bi-sexuality but as it pleases their partner they engage in the activity)

 

We are more than certain that there are as many different terms as there are people. Each person has their own way of looking at Bi-sexuality.

 

One question we have asked, and received many, many different answers upon, is why is Bi-curious so common? There are many profiles that have listed the individual as Bi-curious for a very long time.

Our question regarding this is, if you have been engaged in same sex activities multiple times, why are you then still curious? Didn't the 3rd, 4th or 5th trip down that road enlighten you to your Bi nature?

One reply we always get to this question is that if you list yourself as Bi, some women who are Bi will expect you to play with them as well. Our argument against that is that, you wouldnot have sex with every man. Who should expect that you have sex with every woman. It should not matter what your sexual orientation is. You get to choose who, when and IF you have sex.

 

We discovered a site a while back that has a little test that the individual can take to see where they land in the sexual range of society.

http://drrobertepstein.com/esoi/take/

 

It is simplistic in many ways yet sheds some light on the matter for most individuals. We suggest you take a look and see where you fall. It is not at all iron clad. Like all tests, it is entirely subjective and based upon the individual taking it. Be honest and try it out. You may surprise yourself.

 

The lifestyle has also helped change the face of bi-sexuality. It was not that long ago when women did not have much to do with each other durring the sexual encounters. As society has become more tolerant as a whole, so to has the lifestyle.

 

So, what is this Blog really about? I guess you could say, we are always looking for more information on why people pick Bi-"This" over Bi-"That". It is one of those bees in our bonnets that just will not fly away.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Mr. and Mrs. CXXC

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Your Mean Sexual Orientation is 0

Your Sexual Orientation Range is 0

 

Guess that makes me straight.

 

But anyways, I'll use my wife as an example. She is in fact bi sexual, but shes uncomfortable calling herself that. More importantly she is MUCH more picky about women shes interested than she is men or I am women.

 

So for her straight would be a lie, yet she feels saying bisexual would imply more than she wants to do with most women.

 

So we get bi-comfortable, with a blurb that shes into men more than women so we are not looking for a girls only playtime.

 

On another note, I personally think the emotional bi thing is just a silly definition that really doesn't apply to anything we do as swingers. I get a chuckle from a few posts where some guy is taking it up the ass from men, and swallowing yet the claim is they are not bi because they are just doing it for the sex, no emotional attachment.

 

The term is bi-sexual not bi-relationship, and following that if you do/get done by guys and its a turn on for you, you are bi.

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I think if more terms were added as options on personals it would just lead to more confusion. Ok, so what does that particular term mean to that person.

 

I'm bi, but I'm not "emotionally" bi as you put it. I'm also much like Chicup's wife in that I am more picky about women I want to be with than I am men, or than Pet is about women. I get in moods where all I really want is a woman, but that is usually only after I haven't been with a woman for quite a while. Most of the time the last thing I'm interested in is going off to just have girl/girl playtime. We actually turned down an offer just like that on Friday night. We'd been talking to a couple and the girl asked if we wanted to go upstairs. I asked what she had in mind. She said "oral". I said "could you be more specific?". She said "I want you". It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to her, but I had no interest in going upstairs just to play with her. If she'd offered any option that involved all 4 of us even soft swapping for oral we probably would have accepted.

 

I don't really think any of those other terms fit me. I am bi, I am attracted to other women. I am more likely to be attracted to other men. But then I'm also more likely to be attracted to guys who are either black or bald.... but that doesn't mean I'm only situationally straight does it? Whether it's a guy or a girl I'm only situationally attracted - meaning I'm only attracted (and therefore interested) if I'm attracted and therefore interested.

 

Putting down that I'm attracted to guys doesn't mean I'm attracted to all guys, so putting down that I'm bi should in no way mean that I'm attracted to all women.

 

We can't control other people's misconceptions or disappointments (due to their misconceptions). The only things we can control is our own reactions to what may occur.

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Julie

Unfortunately, as you can guess, I am a man obtaining information second hand. My wife tells me her thoughts and feeling regarding the Bi matter. I read other accounts and concerns from a multitude of sites and forums. Therefore, my take on the matter is not 100%.

That being said, There is truly no way to look at every individual on the earth and classify them in one specific catagory. However, in an effort to minimize confusion (and as you accurately stated maximize it for others) having more options would make it easier to understand the sexual tendencies and desires of the individual. Yes, there are those who are just like you. Situational. That is why the catagory would fit perfectly, IMO.

Mrs. CXXC falls in the, "I'm Bi-whatever" Catagory. If the mood is right, the woman is right, the moon is right, she is all for it. She enjoys being with women, fantasizes about it, and likes to see it. However, she is not always up for it.

Again, this is just my take on the matter at hand and my attempt to suggest better ways to identify.

I would be foolish to ever believe that any one option would fit everyone or even the smallest number.

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Your Mean Sexual Orientation is 6.5

Your Sexual Orientation Range is 9

 

That was my (Trixie's) score. Speed is like 1.5/3. So I guess Speed is "very straight" and I am....right in the middle, with the ability to go to either extreme? This test actually helped Speed better understand why I really want to be with a woman, and why he doesn't necessarily have to be there for me to have a good time.

 

I've only truly been attracted to a handful of people (men or women) in my life, and 99% of my experiences have been with men. So for the past 10 years or more I've been "missing out" on the other half of my sexual range, so to speak. That was by my choice but the more Speed and I talk about it, the more I'd like to explore the unexplored.

 

As far as labels go, I'm fine with being called bisexual. A few years ago I probably wouldn't have been open to the label though, as I found women attractive but had never pursued anything. Perhaps this would actually make me "Bi-comfy" until recently? Now that I feel a strong desire to experience sex with a woman, I guess the label would change? I would have never considered myself "emotionally Bi" until recently, either, but there's this one girl....whether it works or not, new questions have been raised for me.

 

Labels are so often confusing! If I can't even label myself, or keep changing my label, what do those words really mean?

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Trixie

I am very happy that the little test helped you in some small way.

Sexuality is not at all a linear progression. It is constantly in flux. We move from one point to another, up and down, side to side. There is really no point A. to B. in sexuality. Our desires to be with one specific individual over another prooves this. While they may not be the poster child of our fantasies, something about them triggers it.

Labels are only there to aid us in defining who and what we are. Much like ethnicity, (Scotish/Hungarian here) we use them to fit in with a specific group. I like the idea, where as many do not. I am comfortable with being labeld X while others feel there are too many things left out or taken on assumption. You are, what you are. No one can ever really tell you what you are. The definition is strictly up to you.

However, it is nice to know what you would concider yourself in certain areas. Bi-sexuality is one. It helps us know the limits up front. It also enables us Pervs to enlist you in our running fantasies! :D

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The problem there is that from that conclusion I'm also situationally straight. I would venture to say that everyone is situationally attracted to others (whether it's same sex or opposite). No one is attracted to EVERYONE of either sex that they are attracted to... so they are only attracted to someone if the situation fits.

 

I took the quiz and I have to say I don't really understand the results. Here's mine:

Your Mean Sexual Orientation is 5

Your Sexual Orientation Range is 10

 

If I'm reading what is written correctly it means that I'm avery flexible heterosexual.

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Julie

That about sums it up right there. you will find that most of the women who are Bi-curious and even those listing themselves as Bi will fall into that catagory. I like that. A "Fleixible Heterosexual". Good term. Better classification too! Now that should be an option on the profiles!!!

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Julie if I read that correctly it just means you are bisexual.

 

In fact I'd say perfectly, equal opportunity, bisexuality. If a 5 mean isn't bisexual, what would be?

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