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What happened to the Humor?
We all do it from time to time. Say something off the cuff that we think is funny and it either goes straight over the intendeds head or they take offense. Well, as anyone can tell you, I am a situational humorist. Given any moment, I will rifle off a one liner pertaining to the situation.
This is not always the best thing to do in certain places.
While shopping at an adult toy store with Mrs. CXXC, a young lady walks up to us and asks if she can be of assistance.
I chime in with, “Sure, we are looking for 30 weight ball bearing grease, duct tape and a garden hose!” (Mrs. CXXC rolls her eyes!)
They sales associate replies, without missing a beat, “The S&M kits are on isle three!”
My little attempt at humor was taken correctly and the retort was perfect. Everyone had fun in that moment.
While shopping, later that day, Mrs. CXXC needed some jeans. We walked past the kids department and I piped up with, “Hey Hon, These would fit! You just have to take the Hannah Montana patches off!”
Mrs. CXXC is a rather small lady, as you can tell from our avatar. Having heard me say things like this to her before, she simply replied with a groan as we moved along to the petite section. Another attempt at quick humor failed!
I have to say though, all we really have to do is take off the damn patch and save about 75% on her clothes. It kinda pisses me off how much they charge for ladies clothes. Add the fact that you spend more money for less fabric. But I am getting ahead of myself.
We met up with a couple at the mall for lunch. The hostess greeted us asking how many people were in our party. I could not help myself but answer with, “3 and a half wit.” Please note! At no time did I suggest who the half wit was. It could be me for all anyone knew. The hostess took it as humor. Our companions gave a slight chuckle. Mrs. CXXC was less than amused. Then again, she was the smallest one in the group and probably took it as a slight.
By and large, I have come to find that most people do not have the time nor desire to listen to long drawn out jokes. The quick and dirty one liner pleases most. Mrs. CXXC finds fault in this theory as she has heard most of my jokes. However, most people take them in stride or get a chuckle or two from them.
NOT ALWAYS!!!
While shopping at Victoria’s Secret, Mrs. CXXC and I moved about the racks and shelves of the nearly non-existent items, we were approached by a matronly looking woman who asked if she could assist us with something. Please note, Mrs. CXXC and I had been shopping all day at this point. Make sure to remember that we are about to drop 30 times as much on a few items that cover virtually nothing and will only be seen by a hand few of friends, lovers, bedroom floor and dresser drawer.
My mind flashed back to the jeans department and I, without thought or hesitation said to the clerk as I held up the nearest teddy, “Yeah, do these come in kids sizes?”
Ok. I should think some times. But COME ON! It was a harmless question in my mind! I was looking to save a few bucks if I could and didn’t really think about what I was holding in my hand, just the money about to leave my wallet!
I have to say, the look on that woman’s face was something that would make the devil cringe. I could say nothing from that moment on. I knew if I tried to back pedal or explain security would be called and I would somehow be added to a list of pedophiles. I simply pointed to my wife and raised my arms in surrender.
What did Mrs. CXXC say to me after this error in humor? Not a damn thing until we left the store. “That was one of the sickest things you have ever said!” she glowered. Then proceeded to giggle. She explained that the funny part was how the lady looked like she was going to take my head off right there!
I guess I had better start thinking a little before I fire off another one liner. I must remember not to ask for a high chair when Mrs. CXXC and I go out to eat, or mention anything about the chances of getting a child size SoCo and Lime when we order drinks!
What happened to the humor?
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