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What happened to the Humor?

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CXXC

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We all do it from time to time. Say something off the cuff that we think is funny and it either goes straight over the intendeds head or they take offense. Well, as anyone can tell you, I am a situational humorist. Given any moment, I will rifle off a one liner pertaining to the situation.

 

This is not always the best thing to do in certain places.

 

While shopping at an adult toy store with Mrs. CXXC, a young lady walks up to us and asks if she can be of assistance.

 

I chime in with, “Sure, we are looking for 30 weight ball bearing grease, duct tape and a garden hose!” (Mrs. CXXC rolls her eyes!)

 

They sales associate replies, without missing a beat, “The S&M kits are on isle three!”

 

My little attempt at humor was taken correctly and the retort was perfect. Everyone had fun in that moment.

 

While shopping, later that day, Mrs. CXXC needed some jeans. We walked past the kids department and I piped up with, “Hey Hon, These would fit! You just have to take the Hannah Montana patches off!”

 

Mrs. CXXC is a rather small lady, as you can tell from our avatar. Having heard me say things like this to her before, she simply replied with a groan as we moved along to the petite section. Another attempt at quick humor failed!

 

I have to say though, all we really have to do is take off the damn patch and save about 75% on her clothes. It kinda pisses me off how much they charge for ladies clothes. Add the fact that you spend more money for less fabric. But I am getting ahead of myself.

 

We met up with a couple at the mall for lunch. The hostess greeted us asking how many people were in our party. I could not help myself but answer with, “3 and a half wit.” Please note! At no time did I suggest who the half wit was. It could be me for all anyone knew. The hostess took it as humor. Our companions gave a slight chuckle. Mrs. CXXC was less than amused. Then again, she was the smallest one in the group and probably took it as a slight.

 

By and large, I have come to find that most people do not have the time nor desire to listen to long drawn out jokes. The quick and dirty one liner pleases most. Mrs. CXXC finds fault in this theory as she has heard most of my jokes. However, most people take them in stride or get a chuckle or two from them.

 

NOT ALWAYS!!!

 

While shopping at Victoria’s Secret, Mrs. CXXC and I moved about the racks and shelves of the nearly non-existent items, we were approached by a matronly looking woman who asked if she could assist us with something. Please note, Mrs. CXXC and I had been shopping all day at this point. Make sure to remember that we are about to drop 30 times as much on a few items that cover virtually nothing and will only be seen by a hand few of friends, lovers, bedroom floor and dresser drawer.

 

My mind flashed back to the jeans department and I, without thought or hesitation said to the clerk as I held up the nearest teddy, “Yeah, do these come in kids sizes?”

 

Ok. I should think some times. But COME ON! It was a harmless question in my mind! I was looking to save a few bucks if I could and didn’t really think about what I was holding in my hand, just the money about to leave my wallet!

 

I have to say, the look on that woman’s face was something that would make the devil cringe. I could say nothing from that moment on. I knew if I tried to back pedal or explain security would be called and I would somehow be added to a list of pedophiles. I simply pointed to my wife and raised my arms in surrender.

 

What did Mrs. CXXC say to me after this error in humor? Not a damn thing until we left the store. “That was one of the sickest things you have ever said!” she glowered. Then proceeded to giggle. She explained that the funny part was how the lady looked like she was going to take my head off right there!

 

I guess I had better start thinking a little before I fire off another one liner. I must remember not to ask for a high chair when Mrs. CXXC and I go out to eat, or mention anything about the chances of getting a child size SoCo and Lime when we order drinks!

 

What happened to the humor?

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I don't think squirm would be the right term! Resigned to the fact that I stepped in it pretty well, yep! But hey, like I said I didn't think before I spoke. It happens to the best of us, me more then others!

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Guest warrencouple

Posted

Sounds like it was all amusing to me...

 

Then again, I am one of those people that comes up with the one-liner zinger usually a day or two after it would have been useful...

 

As for the cost of womens clothes, it seems I'm on the opposite side of the fence. If I think the Mrs will look good in something, damn the cost and full charge ahead! Unless she's with me. Then she won't let me buy it...

:sad:

 

Jason

 

PS Too bad you or the Mrs didn't have a camera phone ready, you could have gotten a shot of the saleslady for us!

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I don't care what the lady at Victoria's Secret thought - that was a funny line! Lin and I are both quick with a one-liner, and we've learned to kind of temper it in certain company, but usually it's no-holds-barred.

 

Don't sweat it - the right people will get the joke.

 

Oh, and just for general info, back in my drinking days, I used to call SoCo "LPR." LPR stands for Liquid Panty Remover... :D

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THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU!!!!

People who actually get my humor. WHEW!

 

As for the cost of things for Mrs. CXXC;

If she likes it, it looks good on her and it will get more than one use...I am not worried about the cost. She should get it.

I guess I do come across as a tight wad. But really, I am not. If I can save a buck or two, I will.

 

LPR! YEP! That is exactly what it is!

 

Thank you all for getting my humor!

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That WAS a funny line. The danger is when people might not realize you are joking. If Mrs. CXXC thought you were being taken too seriously, I can see why she wouldn't like it. But sitting here reading about it, I'm glad it wasn't a coffee-in-mouth moment. My keypad has enough gunk in it!

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Ms. Fuse

Perhaps I should put a warning int he title from now on for you. Most posts in the blogs are NSFW (Not Safe For Work) so perhaps, I should put NSFC (Not Safe For Coffee) in the title. At least for you! I hate that you may have to buy a new keyboard.

Perhaps you could even purchase a keyboard guard? Or start using saran wrap?

Yes, I too thought it was funny. However, like you said, I do not think about it before hand and do not realize that the world is not inmy head. So they may not find my words as humorous as I do!

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Heh. I thought the Victoria's Secret joke was full of win.

 

When we go to a restaurant and the hostess asks us "Do you have a smoking preference?" I usually answer "Marlboro". I get a positive reaction about 50% of the time. Otherwise I get the dumb look, or the "meh" reaction.

 

It's also funny that you mention the NSFW thing. I post on a couple sites where it is absolutely expected that you post NSFW on any link that it applies to. Occasionally I'll post a link on here and start to add the NSFW tag. Then of course it hits me, this whole site is NSFW. :)

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My daughter and I were at a nice restaurant and I had ordered pasta with clams. The waitress brought me a small fork and said "Here's a baby fork". As she was walking away I said "but I'm all grown up now!" I don't think she enjoyed it very much, but daughter and I still get a laugh over it.

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Two4youinswva

Dont you love it when you go out to eat? The questions they ask are JUST LOADED!

When asked about smoking or non, I usually hit them with, "Ill take a table near a server, thank you!"

 

exploringRM

Don't even get me started on the stuff I do to servers.

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Speed and Trixie

OH! How I would virtually crucify that table in my tenure as a server. I loved them.

Me: Good evening! How is everyone today?

Customer: Diet Coke.

Me: And a very good Diet Coke to you two sir. Perhaps a cocktale for the lady?

Lady customer: No thank you, Ill have a miller lite!

Me: Slaps my forehead!!

 

I would say things to these people that should have gotten me fired but most times, no one ever listened to me.

Me: Fuck you very much! Please come back and see someone else!(Smile)

Customer: you too. thanks.

But when I say things in any other setting, EVERYONE listens but few get it. I just dont understand!

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Good story, Mr. CXXC.

 

What happened to humor? In business circles it has changed a bit owing to the greater number of women who hold positions of responsibility in corporations. And I say that is a good thing. Some of my colleagues used to get a little out-of-hand when they were away from their "handlers". So here is a story from the old days.

 

Harry, a client whom my boss and I had taken out to dinner, hears from a waitress, "Our special tonight is crab balls." Harry did not have to think for even a millisecond before he comes right out with, "How many crabs do they have to emasculate to make a dinner?" I wanted to hide under the table.

Edited by SW_PA_Couple

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You see? The first thing I thought of when I read "Our Special tonight is Crab Ball's" was, "Poor Crabs!" and I would have said that out loud!

 

I simply cannot help it. Then again, In the corporate world, I have been told on SOOOO MAN occasions, I say what everyone else thinks. Many of my customers and even the people above me have yet to find fault in what I say but cringe when I get that look on my face just before I fire off a comment pertaining to the matter.

 

As for humor, I just wish people were not so damn sensitive! But, this is a new and elightened era! HA HA HA! Jsut dont expect PC from me!

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I've always been of the opinion that PC actually stood for Politically Conformist. I'm with you, CXXC - you want PC, go to a computer shop...

 

Still, I have to make use of Situational Awareness when I'm trash talking with one of my customers. I know that there's usually someone nearby that won't get the joke, and could possibly be offended. Not a good thing in my line of work. What I'll do in those situations is reach up and pinch my lips together, then say as clearly as possible, "This is me biting my tongue..."

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