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Society Wins the Day, AGAIN!

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CXXC

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Morality is nothing more than a popularity contest. The majority rules! However WRONG, the popular view is that societal standards must be "Right!” Common sense has gone the way of the Do-Do. Individuality and self accountability suffer as the masses force their morality upon ANYONE who would think or do otherwise. It matters not that 53% of married couples will have an affair. It has little weight that EVERYONE looks at another and thinks of sexual pleasures. No one wants to hear the truth behind Desire or passion. Society is about control! By keeping the world vanilla, they are maintaining their influence and suppressing sexual freedom.

 

When I hear of people being shunned or ridiculed for doing things OUTSIDE of the societal standard, I just sigh and bow my head. I don’t necessarily give up, but am forced to seek a different tack in my approach towards life. In my disgust, I speak out, expressing my distaste and dismay. I am often met with glares or even worse, a confrontation with an argument based upon ignorance and misinformation.

 

Infidelity is, socially, a forgivable act. There are countless numbers of marriage counselors available whose particular specialty is dealing with infidelity. Couples who rise above the marital transgression are applauded. Both parties are forgiven and move on in their “Happy” marriage. A strained trust is regained over time. Friends and family soon forget. Society, as a whole, moves forward and all is well once again.

 

Having consensual sex outside of the marriage bed is unforgivable as most of the world cannot fathom the freedom. Once the cat is let from the bag,, the “offending” couple will be branded for life. Once family, friends or co-workers discover the truth of their sexual “impropriety” they soon become black balled in society. Word travels among their social circle like wild fire. Long time friends and trusted friends turn their backs upon these “Sexual deviants”.

 

The brave or incredulous start to ask, “How could you have sex with other people and still be married?” “Isn’t your husband/wife enough for you?” “Don’t you love him/her?” The list of questions is innumerable. The refusal to be educated in human nature or enlighted is astounding!

 

We try to answer these questions with reason and logic. We try to explain that it has nothing to do with love. We address the issues with the attempt to enlighten but are met with pre-programmed arguments and responses. The societal “Skinner” responses kick in and the “offender” is verbally ridiculed further. Ties are broken. Friends are lost. Jobs have even been lost as a result of the information being leaked by these so called friends and family members.

 

Women bear the brunt of this unfortunate discovery. While the double standard still applies to men, the women are thought of as sluts, whores or nymphomaniacs. They are, in the eyes of society, mistrusted and become a pariah. These poor souls have an invisible scarlet letter placed upon their forehead. Every man thinks they are open to sexual advances while the women in their social network fear this “Hester Prynne” is after her own husband. She cannot be trusted.

 

Again, men are, at first, chastised by others but in secret are lauded as studs, playboys and to some, heroes. Men are expected to have a wandering eye and insatiable sex drives. Again, it must also be the wife’s fault that he would have sex with another outside of their marriage bed. She must be neglecting his needs. She may be incapable or a horrible lover for him. The poor man must look elsewhere to fulfill his desires. That bitch!

 

When held down long enough, the prisoner will think his/her lifestyle is the norm. Society is no different. We are brainwashed to act, think and be a certain way. We grow up with the notion that we have one person, to which we will be married and share our bed with. In spite of the facts that history has proven time and time again to the contrary, we are still taught this misinformation. In our formative years we hear and mirror these lessons. We marry, have children, and play the dutiful spouse in an attempt to hide behind a mask of normality while keeping to ourselves unspoken fantasies and desires. This existence can be maintained by a great many, yet there are those, like us, who cannot live this lie. Our weakness to overthrow the status quo comes from our very own beginnings. As we were once ALL vanilla, perhaps we still hear and feel our initial thoughts and beliefs regarding swinging. Have we truly thrown the shackles into the ocean when we joined the lifestyle?

 

 

We exist on the fringe. We meet in virtual secrecy. We hide our uniforms (Club wear etc..). We fear a unifying symbol as we would a brand. When discovered we deny or, at best, use subterfuge to mask our existence in this wonderful world of sexual freedom and pleasure.

 

So here we are, stuck on the edge of the cliff. Do we force society to accept our way of living by pushing it in their faces or do we keep to our own and try to eek out as much pleasure as we can without letting the cat out of the bag? Do we take the actions necessary to force society to accept us as they have the Homosexuals and lesbians in society? (Have they truly been accepted is a better question. They are at best tolerated and now protected by law.)

 

There are few in society with little regard for the ramifications of letting it all be known. These few have either looked society int he face and shouted the great "FUCK YOU!" or have nothing to lose. Do we rally behind these brave souls and raise our voices in chorus, singing the praises of the lifestyle? Do we inundate the airwaves, TV, movies, print and internet with the advantages of non-monogamy? Do we show the faces of Mr. and Mrs. Jones, your neighbor, as yet another member of the millions strong community of swingers? Do we elect a congress of individuals to represent us in all things political and social?

 

How can we, a select few in each town/county/state, become free from the chains of conformity? What rally cry would bring about unity in the lifestyle to such a level? Who could figure head the LS community with such talent and ability where as not to be shouted down by the ignorant masses of the Vanilla world? What one individual would have the strength of character, the charisma, the where-with-all to stand before the world to be a target for social aggression against a different way of life? Who could be “OUR” Harvey Milk?

 

Do I dare stand before my family and friends, announcing mine and Mrs. CXXC's activities within the lifestyle? Do we stand firm in our belief that what we do in our own bed is our moral decision and ours alone? Do we freely discuss our activities with others or wear a badge of pride in public outwardly expressing our involvement with others within our community? NO!

 

We, like millions of others within the lifestyle, do all we can to keep the peace and those in our lives ignorant to the goings-on in our lifestyle activities. We even denounce others involved in the lifestyle activities when brought to light by Vanilla individuals. I often feel like Peter denying Christ three times before the cock crows.

 

We have seen many brave individuals on TV admitting to their involvement in the lifestyle. We have read articles published in print and on-line by MANY people who tell their tales in the hopes of winning over the audience. These brave individuals, so earnest and true, are, however, not supported by their fellow community members. Their voices become weak in the media as the narrator or interviewer pose question after question, leaving little time for the full answer. Even Oprah failed in her "Understanding". Her studio audience was left with little understanding other than the fact that Oprah was astounded and uncomprehending of this way of life.

 

I will admit that I am not that person. I am not that strong, I am not that capable to stand the test of ridicule and judgment. Neither Mrs. CXXC nor I could successfully walk away, intact from the barrage of insults, slurs or “Stones” thrown at us by the vanilla public. We fear the loss of friends and family, jobs and security too much. Our way is the way of the coward. We exist in the shadows. We hide our lamp beneath the bushel basket. We deny the possibilities. We are the cause and not the solution. And, for now, we hang out heads but pray for a leader to lift us from seclusion and hiding. Until then, Society wins the day, once again.

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"Society" might win the day CXXC, but we swingers rule the night ;)

 

I, too, am often frustrated with people who would rather blindly accept "societial values" without question. Why should you live your life as scripted by someone else (pastor, mother, whoever!) instead of doing some soul-searching to discover what makes YOURself fulfilled and happy?

 

Maybe they don't want to do the work. John Milton said the biggest blasphamy (sp?) for man is blind faith. He thought, way back in the 1600s, that it's fair to question your clergy and make sure their answers made sense. Of course, he was imprisioned for this (and arguing FOR divorce). But in some ways, it's easier to have blind faith, to be told what to do. Personally I think it's a shallow way to live life.

 

Trixie

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Did something happen to bring this up, or is it just something that's been bubbling up for a while?

 

Trixie, great comment about ruling the night :).

 

Sometimes I feel like Mr. Fuse and I ought to be one of the couples who lives in the open. He has a very safe job, my client is hours away, we have no children and no church, and while certain family members would be freaked out a bit, they would get over it eventually. But still the same... our private lives are just that - private. We don't really hide our lifestyle, but we're careful not to volunteer the information either. I do feel like a coward.

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Trixie, wonderful comments!

 

We too live like cowards. We don't want to offend, so we keep quiet. It's such a double standard for infidelity to be, by society standards, more acceptable than swinging. We all know we aren't cheating on each other, but society will tell us different, and what's really sad, arethe ones that shout the loudest are usually the ones who commit the offense. It makes them feel better to know that there are others out there who screw others for fun, except the difference is, our spouses join us.

 

This might not make sense, since I haven't slept in about 20 hours. :) Please, just pretend that it does. :D

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Ms. Fuse

Ok! Nothing happened to perpetuate this blog. It is, in fact just one of my views on society as a whole. I have never been a conformist by your standard definition. I've generally run the gauntlet in most scenarios. However, my point in this post was to illustrate how WE as a community are forced to live in shadow for fear of societal discipline or rejection.

 

Trixie, blind faith is not really the issue. I would say that giving up ones freedoms blindly is! There are no laws (not including the military) that keep us from enjoying each other. We are held back by our cultural edicts.

In fact, I would say that everyone in the LS needs more faith that we can eventually overturn this negative view of our activities. We simply need to follow the Gay and Lesbian model and push it into the faces of every human on the planet.

 

LFM2

Do not feel bad about your fears of discovery keeping you at bay. You are in the majority within the lifestyle. It will take stronger individuals than you or me to change this.

 

Are we hurting anyone? No! This is a voluntary activity. We force no one into anything. Everyone who has joined the lifestyle, stayed active and participates has full discretion to engage or leave.

 

HOW can this be viewed as a bad thing? Society is so screwed up some times!

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My goodness! I think I figured it out!

 

Most societies are based upon one religious belief or another. That being understood and accepted, each religion has its own take on sexuality. Most, if not all religions state that sex is to be reserved for a married couple.

 

Now for the sticky part and a possible reason for the forgiveness and often acceptance of infidelity:

 

As virtually every religion teaches us to forgive one another our transgressions, anyone found guilty of cheating is judged, not by man but by God. Therefore, we are to forgive the individual for cheating and move on with our lives.

 

The concept of the lifestyle is not accepted by religions. Therefor, it is nearly impossible for people to accept this as a part of any societal standard. It is somehting OUTSIDE of marriage, outside of reason and outside of practicle forgiveness.

 

We can deal with issues we have been taught. Things that are beyond our learning are often thought of as against our nature and by that reasoning, WRONG.

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Actually the sex issue is more of an Abrihamic god issue *Jews/Xtians/Muslims* than pretty much any other religion out there.

 

More importantly, most religious books are not always clear who is to judge for what crimes, but several times man is the instrument for gods will. As in he beats your ass in his name.

 

You only forgive transgressions if the offender is truly repentant, so if you are still a swinger, you are not to be forgiven.

 

One of the reasons I'm a atheist.

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Chicup

You are right. The forgiveness/repentance issue is very much another reason why the organized faithful have a major issue with the Lifestyle. Good point and thank you!

As for being an athiest, I repect your thoughts and beliefs. I simply cannot live in a world that is devoid of the Creator. There are just oo many unexplained things out there that I feel are linked to a higher being.

Thank you for the input.

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Society is ruled by religion, even if it's nothing but a vestigial grasp of what you were taught when you were young. That grasp weakens, however, with each successive generation of independent thinkers. It is a slow process, and acceptance of swinging will rank below acceptance of homosexuality. Even those who accept homosexuality will cling to monogamy fiercely. I think, however, that acceptance is inevitable, slow but inevitable.

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Unfortunately, I fear you are correct. In all cases, we as a community will probably be the last to become accepted by society. I can hope, NO, dream that we will one day be able to exist openly.

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