Morality is nothing more than a popularity contest. The majority rules! However WRONG, the popular view is that societal standards must be "Right!” Common sense has gone the way of the Do-Do. Individuality and self accountability suffer as the masses force their morality upon ANYONE who would think or do otherwise. It matters not that 53% of married couples will have an affair. It has little weight that EVERYONE looks at another and thinks of sexual pleasures. No one wants to hear the truth behind Desire or passion. Society is about control! By keeping the world vanilla, they are maintaining their influence and suppressing sexual freedom.

When I hear of people being shunned or ridiculed for doing things OUTSIDE of the societal standard, I just sigh and bow my head. I don’t necessarily give up, but am forced to seek a different tack in my approach towards life. In my disgust, I speak out, expressing my distaste and dismay. I am often met with glares or even worse, a confrontation with an argument based upon ignorance and misinformation.

Infidelity is, socially, a forgivable act. There are countless numbers of marriage counselors available whose particular specialty is dealing with infidelity. Couples who rise above the marital transgression are applauded. Both parties are forgiven and move on in their “Happy” marriage. A strained trust is regained over time. Friends and family soon forget. Society, as a whole, moves forward and all is well once again.

Having consensual sex outside of the marriage bed is unforgivable as most of the world cannot fathom the freedom. Once the cat is let from the bag,, the “offending” couple will be branded for life. Once family, friends or co-workers discover the truth of their sexual “impropriety” they soon become black balled in society. Word travels among their social circle like wild fire. Long time friends and trusted friends turn their backs upon these “Sexual deviants”.

The brave or incredulous start to ask, “How could you have sex with other people and still be married?” “Isn’t your husband/wife enough for you?” “Don’t you love him/her?” The list of questions is innumerable. The refusal to be educated in human nature or enlighted is astounding!

We try to answer these questions with reason and logic. We try to explain that it has nothing to do with love. We address the issues with the attempt to enlighten but are met with pre-programmed arguments and responses. The societal “Skinner” responses kick in and the “offender” is verbally ridiculed further. Ties are broken. Friends are lost. Jobs have even been lost as a result of the information being leaked by these so called friends and family members.

Women bear the brunt of this unfortunate discovery. While the double standard still applies to men, the women are thought of as sluts, whores or nymphomaniacs. They are, in the eyes of society, mistrusted and become a pariah. These poor souls have an invisible scarlet letter placed upon their forehead. Every man thinks they are open to sexual advances while the women in their social network fear this “Hester Prynne” is after her own husband. She cannot be trusted.

Again, men are, at first, chastised by others but in secret are lauded as studs, playboys and to some, heroes. Men are expected to have a wandering eye and insatiable sex drives. Again, it must also be the wife’s fault that he would have sex with another outside of their marriage bed. She must be neglecting his needs. She may be incapable or a horrible lover for him. The poor man must look elsewhere to fulfill his desires. That bitch!

When held down long enough, the prisoner will think his/her lifestyle is the norm. Society is no different. We are brainwashed to act, think and be a certain way. We grow up with the notion that we have one person, to which we will be married and share our bed with. In spite of the facts that history has proven time and time again to the contrary, we are still taught this misinformation. In our formative years we hear and mirror these lessons. We marry, have children, and play the dutiful spouse in an attempt to hide behind a mask of normality while keeping to ourselves unspoken fantasies and desires. This existence can be maintained by a great many, yet there are those, like us, who cannot live this lie. Our weakness to overthrow the status quo comes from our very own beginnings. As we were once ALL vanilla, perhaps we still hear and feel our initial thoughts and beliefs regarding swinging. Have we truly thrown the shackles into the ocean when we joined the lifestyle?

We exist on the fringe. We meet in virtual secrecy. We hide our uniforms (Club wear etc..). We fear a unifying symbol as we would a brand. When discovered we deny or, at best, use subterfuge to mask our existence in this wonderful world of sexual freedom and pleasure.

So here we are, stuck on the edge of the cliff. Do we force society to accept our way of living by pushing it in their faces or do we keep to our own and try to eek out as much pleasure as we can without letting the cat out of the bag? Do we take the actions necessary to force society to accept us as they have the Homosexuals and lesbians in society? (Have they truly been accepted is a better question. They are at best tolerated and now protected by law.)

There are few in society with little regard for the ramifications of letting it all be known. These few have either looked society int he face and shouted the great "FUCK YOU!" or have nothing to lose. Do we rally behind these brave souls and raise our voices in chorus, singing the praises of the lifestyle? Do we inundate the airwaves, TV, movies, print and internet with the advantages of non-monogamy? Do we show the faces of Mr. and Mrs. Jones, your neighbor, as yet another member of the millions strong community of swingers? Do we elect a congress of individuals to represent us in all things political and social?

How can we, a select few in each town/county/state, become free from the chains of conformity? What rally cry would bring about unity in the lifestyle to such a level? Who could figure head the LS community with such talent and ability where as not to be shouted down by the ignorant masses of the Vanilla world? What one individual would have the strength of character, the charisma, the where-with-all to stand before the world to be a target for social aggression against a different way of life? Who could be “OUR” Harvey Milk?

Do I dare stand before my family and friends, announcing mine and Mrs. CXXC's activities within the lifestyle? Do we stand firm in our belief that what we do in our own bed is our moral decision and ours alone? Do we freely discuss our activities with others or wear a badge of pride in public outwardly expressing our involvement with others within our community? NO!

We, like millions of others within the lifestyle, do all we can to keep the peace and those in our lives ignorant to the goings-on in our lifestyle activities. We even denounce others involved in the lifestyle activities when brought to light by Vanilla individuals. I often feel like Peter denying Christ three times before the cock crows.

We have seen many brave individuals on TV admitting to their involvement in the lifestyle. We have read articles published in print and on-line by MANY people who tell their tales in the hopes of winning over the audience. These brave individuals, so earnest and true, are, however, not supported by their fellow community members. Their voices become weak in the media as the narrator or interviewer pose question after question, leaving little time for the full answer. Even Oprah failed in her "Understanding". Her studio audience was left with little understanding other than the fact that Oprah was astounded and uncomprehending of this way of life.

I will admit that I am not that person. I am not that strong, I am not that capable to stand the test of ridicule and judgment. Neither Mrs. CXXC nor I could successfully walk away, intact from the barrage of insults, slurs or “Stones” thrown at us by the vanilla public. We fear the loss of friends and family, jobs and security too much. Our way is the way of the coward. We exist in the shadows. We hide our lamp beneath the bushel basket. We deny the possibilities. We are the cause and not the solution. And, for now, we hang out heads but pray for a leader to lift us from seclusion and hiding. Until then, Society wins the day, once again.