Talking to Spoo and another old face around here that has bee popping up again about the concept of taking a break and then returning to swinging has brought forward some realizations for us.

We took a break, not even a long one, just about 6 months last year while I was sick. Prior the break we have worked up this momentum. It had taken a while but we were finally getting to a point where we felt totally comfortable at one club and comfortable enough going to new places that we could not feel totally new or out of place. It had taken about a year of going fairly regularly to the same club before we really felt like it was "our" place. We'd worked our way up through soft-swap and had some good times with couples and had an almost full-swap with one couple, that just didn't quite work. Had met a few other couples where things went really well and in general, things were looking really good.

6 Months! That's all it took to completely kill our momentum. We realized last night as we sat at the same club (for probably the 3rd time since our return) that we'd lost our momentum and in turn it feels like we've lost our mojo... but we haven't.

I realized as I sat there and the crowd looked like a bunch of strangers and we felt out of place and like we didn't fit in and no one was talking to us. That it's not a newbie thing when that happens, nor is it even a "clique" thing. We just weren't integrated. We didn't know people, but the regulars all knew each other, so of course it's easy for them to talk to each other and treat each other like old friends - because they ARE old friends... even if they've only known each other for a few weeks. They've seen each other enough times to know their names and feel more comfortable. We did have several of those same couples come over and introduce themselves to us, which was nice. We were feeling out of our element a bit so not really like we could just go up and talk to strangers.

The odd thing is that since we've returned to things we have a new "home" a little closer to "home" where we realized if a new couple walks in we look a lot like these other couples - the couples who know each other, and just about everyone around them. Because at our "home" club we do know just about all the regulars now (even if we can't remember their names). And yes we do make a bigger effort there to get around and talk to people, because it's easier. In between meeting the occasional new (to us) couple we can stop and talk to couples that we've already met and feel a little more comfortable with. We move around a lot at our "home" club. Last time we moved around so much that we lost our seats and had to crawl under another couple to get to our cooler when we wanted something out of it. Oh well. We had fun that way.

I guess the point of this whole rant is twofold...

1. Swinging is NOT like riding a bike. You can't just pick it up and go again after not doing it for years (or even months), you have to relearn a few things. I think that's partially because the lifestyle (and the people in it) change so much and so fast. Just noticing the completely change in demographic (it seemed) at the club we were at this weekend in just a years time. It made it feel like a different club rather than the same old club we'd grown comfortable at.

That said, swinging is a lot like LEARNING to ride a bike. It's a little slow at first but once you get some momentum going it's alot easier to keep your balance. We are working on getting our momentum back so then we can learn to turn again. Right now we are just riding straight ahead for fear of falling over, again.

2. For newbies, when you go to a club remember it's not that no one wants to talk to you, or that they are clickish. The regulars do know each other and it's always easier to stay in your comfort zone. For them, that's talking to the people they know. But, most of the time, they will be more than happy to talk to you as well. So make the effort. Seek out the people who seem to know everyone and introduce them. Let them know you are knew and chances are they will introduce you around (as did folks for us last night).

In the end, we left early last night, because we realized we were totally out of our comfort zone. Being there last night was more akin to the first few times we ever went there than any of the times since then. SO much had changed it wasn't like the same ole club we've gone to probably 20 times in the last 3 years... but rather like going to another club for the very first time. There were some faces that seemed vaguely familiar, like maybe we'd seen them somewhere before... but that was about it.