If you care for each others' happiness, as you say, more than anything else, you will enjoy the luxury of allowing The Lifestyle to lead you into whatever it may rather than to try to make The Lifestyle conform to your wants.

I think "not in search mode" can be a healthy posture. Some people NEED to swing in a way that appears unattractive to us. We don't want a playmate that appears needy, we want someone that is excited about sharing their sexuality in a confident and caring way. We've found our group of occasional playmates through local private parties. We've stopped doing the couple dating thing because the parties match our preferences so well. We go to a party knowing in advance we're quite likely to get laid by someone we've enjoyed before - but there are also parties where maybe one or both of us don't make a connection for the evening. The parties are fun and sexually exciting even when we don't connect.

The mode that works for us is not a recipe for success for everyone. I'm saying we got lucky and found a way the we both can enjoy the social interaction and casual sex with friendly folks.

Be on the lookout for a fresh, new opportunity and I hope yall find your Nirvana.

SW_PA_Couple: I'm not ashamed to admit that I am trying to find the overlap between what my husband wants and what I want in the lifestyle. I wouldn't pursue something if it wasn't what he wanted as well.

But if I give something I want up because our desires as a couple are higher priority, I'm also not ashamed to say I am a little bummed about passing that thing up. It's like passing up the chocolate cake to stay in shape. I still want the cake and wish I could eat it... I just want to stay in shape more and am glad to make that choice.

socolais: great stuff. May your good fortune continue! And don't get me wrong -- I'm extremely happy with the way things are now. We have a lot of fun and are pursuing the things we enjoy in life.

Fuse, I think I'm more like you than anyone in our quad. Sure, finding them, and loving them, has enriched our lives even with the work involved. But sex for just fun was fine (as is fine) with me as well.

It seems Mr. Fuse takes things a bit more seriously if I'm reading him correctly. That being the case, both the incidents you described would be difficult for him to get past. Give him some time to do that. And some time to remember all the fun you had before these incidents. That even if finding another couple to have a poly relationship is the goal, nothing wrong with enjoying the journey of the hunt.

Vol

Thanks, Vol!

It is often that a sexual connection will create a release of biochemical drugs in the brain. Certain ones create feelings of love, comfort, lust, connection and more. The release is literally cued by the other person and can be started by simple facial expressions like eye contact or a smile. These same biochemicals also can create varying levels of obsession. We've all experienced this at some point in our lives over someone. The only thing that resolves this is time and it can be a real difficult thing for some to get over. I believe this is what your husband goes through. -- Susan

It is often that a sexual connection will create a release of biochemical drugs in the brain. Certain ones create feelings of love, comfort, lust, connection and more. The release is literally cued by the other person and can be started by simple facial expressions like eye contact or a smile. These same biochemicals also can create varying levels of obsession. We've all experienced this at some point in our lives over someone. The only thing that resolves this is time and it can be a real difficult thing for some to get over. I believe this is what your husband goes through. -- Susan

Susan,

Thank you for your comment. I am certain you are right. I've experienced this myself. Time really is the only cure. Since writing this entry, I've sort of burned out on the hunt myself. So my husband and I are more in step in our desires. We have two couples in our life right now, and some other people we know who might be playmates in the future. We'll see what happens from here. Feels like an "ebb" time as opposed to a "flow" time.

This is a frustrating issue for us right now.

Due to a change of circumstance we are down to zero couples we are currently playing with. Mrs. Chicup is still hesitant to meet new couples and I can't disagree with her for a lot of various reasons.

For the next several months, unless a perfect couple falls into our lap, we are simply going to be idle.