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"Not meeting new couples at this time."
For the first time since we started in the lifestyle three and a half years ago, Mr. Fuse and I are "not meeting new couples". This feels strange to me, and not that good. It was not on my initiative. The strangeness comes from the feeling that this is the first time we are moving in the general direction away from swinging, rather than further into it. I say the general direction because we are not quitting... we're just saying we're not meeting anyone new. We are seeing two couples regularly right now and may have a first playdate soon with a third couple we've had one non-play date with.
I actually hope that if the right new couple ended up in front of us, Mr. Fuse would find himself changing his mind. But until then, I am telling people who ask "sorry, we're not meeting anyone new". I don't like this, because for instance we've gotten winks from two hot couples on one site recently. Normally I would email an attractive couple who winked. Now, I hold it to winking back, which of course results in nothing happening, which is appropriate for us at the moment.
So why did Mr. Fuse want to stop meeting new couples? We have had a few disappointments in the past year or so that have left him feeling like he wants to stop "seeking", I suppose. Some people reading this know that we have been poly in the past. If we are being honest we admit that we would like to be again, if there is a couple we feel that way about. Unlike my husband, though, I don't hope for it. I just try to enjoy each couple for whatever the interaction brings, and not be looking at people like they are our next big adventure. Casual sex and fun social times are just dandy for me. Mostly they are for him too, but he is more prone to hope for more when he likes someone a lot. Me... my viewpoint is different and perhaps I am a little more resilient than he is.
During the past year there have been two other experiences that were disappointing enough for him that I guess he wants to stop meeting new people. One of those couples we are now vanilla friends with, and we really enjoy each other's company, getting together once every few weeks. But the problem was that she didn't enjoy playing with him, and that hurt him. We were on the "rebound" at the time, and we have such a great four-way match in all other ways that we were both hoping for more. That truly sucked but I am stubbornly looking at the bright side. These people are special and I can see us knowing them for a long time. As playmates, even if it were good, the friendship might be shorter.
Another couple, from an earlier blog entry, decided swinging was not for them after all. They were pretty inexperienced and we were their first fully successful swap. This struck Mr. Fuse again, and pretty hard, because he was really into her and they seemed to have a strong connection. Actually, I know they did. I've never seen him with such a strong sexual connection with a new playmate. He described the experience as "transcendent". My husband doesn't use words like that lightly. He doesn't say "awesome" or "perfect" or even "great" or "absolutely" in normal conversation. So, even though that one didn't go south because of a mis-match between him and a partner, it seems to have caused him to withdraw from swinging enough not to want to meet anyone new.
Where do we go from here? If we are lucky, we continue to have a good time with the two couples we are seeing. One is new and very enthusiastic, and we all seem to have a good match... and we all know that's not easy. The other couple is one we've been seeing since last Christmas. I have a better match than he does with that one. We may be coming to the end of our time with them... we will see. If we are even luckier, we will play with the couple we had drinks with a few weeks ago, and have a good time. I just hope that after a little while of not thinking of meeting anyone new, Mr. Fuse finds himself refreshed and ready to explore new people again. Whatever does happen, will happen with us caring for each other's happiness more than anything else.
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