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Rules and boundaries

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little firefly

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So, NDN and i have been discussing this a lot! He wants me to set ground rules and boundaries for his playtime. Wow! Being that i'm not part of the lifestyle i really haven't known what kind of rules to set. My first instinct was to say "no kissing, hugging, oral, anal, heavy petting or intercourse of any kind".....ok, so maybe i started my bargaining point too low, lol. I told him the best thing for me to do is play it by ear. I did place a couple of rules however that I think will help me be more comfortable. The "one hit" rule. He chooses a woman to play with and after that night is done that's it with her....No repeat performances with the same person. I feel that keeps any kind of emotional attachments from happening. I've also told him that he can't play unless i'm in the room. He's having a bit of trouble with this one. He feels that I'd be sitting in the corner the whole time sulking (i assured him I'd contain my sulkiness), and he feels that I'd be better off not knowing what goes on. I honestly think i'd be better off knowing exactly whats going on! If I'd be sitting outside or in another room while he's going at it with someone, my mind would be so anxious wondering what he's doing to her, what she's doing to him, what sort of things he's saying to her (he loves talking dirty). I want to be there to know first hand. I've found that a lot of times the reality of something that scares you is never as bad as what your mind makes it out to be. I actually did give in to him last Sat. night (that submissiveness in me). I dropped him off at the swingers club we go to and I went to a dance club that I enjoy that's on the other side of town. Before I left I gave him a condom and told him to have a good time. I'll admit I was anxious and nervous the whole time i was gone wondering what was going on. I got back to the swingers club about 4 hours later and he told me that he hadn't done anything. He said he wanted to but that he felt guilty for wanting to do something like that without me being involved.....I won't lie, i was relieved! I'm honestly wanting him to play soon so that I can truly know how I'll feel afterward. I think the not knowing how I'll handle it makes the anxiety of it even worse!!! UGH!

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I think you are going about this the wrong way.

 

Swinging isn't a compromise situation. Either you are in it together as a couple or you shouldn't be in it. Now I don't mean you have to play but you have to be 'ok' with it on a fundamental level, not just willing to go with it because its something he wants to do.

 

I also understand your desire to be there, many swingers have the same desires, and the imagination can be worse than the reality.

 

I think either you need to warm up to the idea of swinging, or he needs to just give it up for you to be happy together long term.

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Thanks Chicup, I was actually thinking along those same lines. He and i really do need to be on the same page as far as this is concerned. I know that deep down I can't be truly happy with him swinging (at least not the way i feel right now), and I know he'll never be happy in a monogamous relationship. We both love each other very much and want to spend our lives together, but if one of us isn't happy for whatever reason then in the long run the relationship will fail anyway. I know he and i have a lot of discussing and soul searching to do. I guess whatevers meant to be will be.

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