Years ago, a friend of mine in the vanilla world confided in me, a tale

that struck me as both humorous and horrifying. Please, walk down

memory lane with me. I promise, it will not be so painful.

Here is the tale:

My friend, while in college, had the opportunity and good fortune to

engage a lovely co-ed in sexual congress. As the evening grew hotter,

she, unfortunately, became less self lubricated. Not wanting to end the

festivities, my friend took matters into his own hands and ran to his

bathroom for a remedy.

Finding nothing specific to ease the friction between body parts, his

mind raced with possibilities or solutions. His eye caught a bottle of

baby shampoo.

"Soap is slippery!" he thought to himself. So, happily, he bounded back

to his bed and waiting lover. Once applied, the viscous liquid provided

great lubrication and the evening was a success.

The very next day, he went about his business as usual with classes and

sports as any normal college man would. One issue presented itself that

stopped him dead in his tracks and caused him to break tradition. He

was forced to seek advice from a fellow college man regarding sexually

related issues.

In the privacy of his bathroom, he showed his fellow college man the

issue that had him so upset. The first layer of skin on his penis was

coming off in virtual sheets.

"DUDE! What the hell did she give me?" my friend asked.

"MAN! I have NEVER seen anything like that in my life!" Offered his

companion. "You need to see a doctor!" He added.

Fortunately for our young college man, the peeling and redness went away

before he gathered the nerve to make an appointment. None the wiser, he

went through his collegiate years without a repeat shedding or concern.

Well, that is until he joined the Marines, but that is an other story

entirely.

Flash forward nearly 15 years, while sipping beverages on my back patio.

Our friend regales this story of his horrific affliction and its

miraculous cure to both myself and my brother. We sit in awe as he

details the events that follow the application of the shampoo. We bite

out tongues in attempts to contain our laughter as he describes the

copious amounts of shedding and redness that followed.

It was only after he had finished his tale that he asked us if we had

ever heard of or experienced something like that in our histories. At

long last, we could relieve ourselves as tears streamed down our cheeks

and our laughter filled the air.

Brother: Did you ever notice how nice and clean/non greasy your hair is

after you wash it?

Friend: Yeah! (Forgive him folks, he is a Marine! I love them! We need

them, but at times, they are not always the brightest bulbs in the

lamp!)

Brother: Shampoo is VERY caustic if left on your skin for long periods

of time. In fact, the skin that gets the least amount of sunlight is

generally the most sensitive.

Friend: Ok. so what did she give me that the shampoo killed? (Again, he

is a kind and loving soul. He means well and will protect those he

loves and this country with his own life)

Brother: The shampoo made the skin on your penis flake off. Not her!

In fact, I bet she was wondering what you gave her! Did you two ever

date again?

Friend: Um... No. We never spoke again. I thought she just left the

school or something!

Brother: the skin of the penis is very sensitive. Almost as much as

your eyes. How does it feel when you get shampoo in your eyes?

LIGHT DAWNS!!!!!!!!!!! The switch is thrown. A glimmer of recognition

escapes!

Friend: OH Shit! That stings. And that is what it did to my dork?

After a long round of laughter, to include our friend, the realization

was made. If you cant put it in your eye, don't put it on your dork!

I beg the readers forgiveness as this may well be one of my longer

blogs. You see, beside the anecdotal tales and points, I must also

question. So, please bare with me.

Having passed several basic and one advanced chemistry course in my day,

I have a general understanding of chemicals and compounds. This

understanding has enabled me to avoid the mistake my dear friend made as

well as several others. (Bleach and ammonia combinations are never a

good idea! coke-a-cola, lead, sulfuric acid make for quite a mess and

there is the matter of home made explosives that rarely prove to be as

good an idea as they were at conception. (Mind you, they were only

intended to explode in my back yard and not to harm another human being

or property other than my own. well, there was the thought of blowing

up fish in the lake that one summer, but girls seemed so much cooler))

Do I smoke after sex? Not since I discovered the right lube! Sorry for

the bad joke. However, this entire blog is devoted to what I do and do

not know about lube!

What do I know about lube?

1. The stuff is slippery!

2. The stuff is not cheap.

3. There are more lubes than condom varieties.

4. Lube is necessary when partying for long periods of time.

5. There are silicon based lubes, oil based lubes and sugar based lubes.

6. Different lubes are for use with different activities and items.

7. Mrs. CXXC has MANY lubes and uses them all!

What I don't know about lubes:

This part could fill a book. What toys can be used with what lubes?

Can I wear a condom with this lube? Does this lube really make her

excited? Does this lube truly feel like her natural lubrication? This

list can go on and on.

The main point behind this blog is to discuss and discover the real

truth behind the lube. What to use with what, what not to use with what

and do the warming lubes really work?

When it comes to lubes, I know little more than my friend. And that

little amount of knowledge is a Very Slippery Slope!