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An English Speaker’s Guide to On-Line Profiles
Expression or word used in on-line personals advertisement ---> English
Life of the party ---> Hide your liquor bottles.
Fun loving ---> Hide your wife.
Not Ken and Barbie ---> Herman and Lili
Must be discreet ---> I’m married and my wife has no idea I am doing this.
Afternoons are best ---> I’m married and my wife has no idea I am doing this.
Will try anything once ---> Crossing my fingers that you don’t take this literally.
We’re just the couple next door ---> There’s a dead body in our basement.
Help us fulfill our fantasies ---> You can’t come even close to guessing how fertile my imagination is.
Not camera shy ---> Your new XXX video will flash around the World so fast your heads will spin.
Just ask, we’ll answer ---> Gotcha! You forgot to ask if we are serial killers.
Send your reply to this Yahoo address ---> The IT department blocks sex Web sites.
Really enjoy camping ---> We’re too cheap to rent a hotel room.
We have very busy lives ---> Don’t hold your breath while waiting for our reply.
Just want to see what’s out there ---> I’m completely tongue-tied in front of a woman unless she is the two-dimensional kind who appears on a computer screen.
We’re attractive, in-shape, educated, sophisticated, and sun-tanned ---> We live on another planet.
Wife is not sure ---> Maybe next week I’ll get the courage to actually ask her.
Prefer to watch ---> Haven’t had a hard-on in three years.
Really enjoy giving oral sex ---> Haven’t had a hard-on in four years.
I have a very talented tongue ---> Haven’t had a hard-on in five years.
tung ---> tongue
tunge ---> tongue
tungue ---> tongue
tounge ---> tongue
tunng ---> tongue
Looking for adventure ---> We have no earthly idea what this thing is all about.
Looking for like-minded people ---> We have no earthly idea what this thing is all about.
Looking for new experiences ---> We have no earthly idea what this thing is all about.
Looking to heat things up a bit ---> We have no earthly idea what this thing is all about.
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