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The Glorified Thank You Note

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CXXC

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Its funny how I will write a blog a couple weeks in advance and come to find someone has posted the same topic on the discussion boards just before my posting date! Well, forgive the redundancy. I figure this may be a different take on the topic and perhaps will generate some interesting feedback.

 

About three years ago, I started to look into the numerous sites devoted to the Lifestyle. I am certain you are well aware of the fact that there are a GREAT number of them. The number grows each month. Each site claims to be the largest, most exciting and the best. They also claim to have the hottest and sexiest members. Some sites even guarantee that you will get laid!

 

Many, if not all offer a free trial membership. The most limiting aspect of these trial memberships are the ability to view photos along with limited contact ability. Some sites even turn off the free trial after a certain period of time. Unfortunately, I have discovered that the only real use of a free membership is to see just how many members they have in the viewers area.

 

One function that most sites share is the ability to certify other members. I feel this is a VERY important feature. With the certifications, you know they are, pretty much, a real couple within the lifestyle. Sure, one can create bogus accounts and make up certifications for themselves. By and large, the certifications are real and the recipient is as well. You also can gage the kind of couples/individuals that the certified couples/individual are engaged with. If one puts forth a bit of effort, one can gain quite a bit of information from drawing a comparison from the certificates and the profile of the certified.

 

Mrs. CXXC and I use the certificates as a baseline. Sure, it is easy to just take them at face value. That is not what we do. We look at the similarities between them. I generally pick them apart by categories.

1. Personality

2. Sexuality

3. Comfort

 

The Certification should cover each of these items very quickly and easily. HOWEVER, may people don’t go into such great detail. They simply tell the reader that they had a great time “Meeting” this couple/individual and cannot wait for another meeting. These certifications lack in so much information.

 

I have a habit of being rather long winded in my certification. I feel I am justified in this as the certified deserve to be praised for being such wonderful people. If they are not wonderful, well, I simply do not write certifications for them. Fortunately, We have not experienced many of the “Not Great” couples/individuals.

 

We have also discovered an interesting thought process in the lifestyle regarding certificates. Some people will not approach others without having been certified. I can understand some of the reasoning behind this. No certificates may mean that the people are new and new people may not be secure. The non-certified may also be HORRIBLE within the aspects and activities of the Lifestyle. And others may even be fake. Not wanting to waste time on fakes, lets just keep with the certified. And so on!

 

Mrs. CXXC and I have received some truly great certificates from our playmates. I often sit back and ponder what they saw in us. I also down play my talents and personality so I often feel like they are exaggerating in their claims or recount. I am, in no way saying that they are telling falsehoods. They experienced what they experienced. In their telling, we were, to them, those things. Who and what we are to them is a matter of opinion. To some, we are hot and sexy. To others, we may not be. It is in the eyes of the ….. Well you get my point.

 

We re-read them from time to time and recall the events with great fondness. Those first times with these individuals are always fresh in our minds. Certificates help us remember the activities clearly!

 

We don’t always receive certificates tho! Some people simply do not write them. They still enjoy our time together and schedule future dates and such. They just don’t wish to write about it. We are not going to prod or beg them to do so. That is not who or what we are. It is nice to receive them but not at all necessary. The fact that I will write the certifications shortly after the people leave is not expected in return! We have Lifestyle friends with whom we have partied that have yet to write one for us. We partied with them MONTHS ago! Do we really care if they do write them? No. It is just a little something we enjoy, like a thank you card.

 

So, what do you think? Are Certifications an important part of the lifestyle sites? Do you write certifications for your playmates? Do you expect your playmates to write them for you? What negative aspects can you see in writing certificates?

 

I guess when you think about it, it is one of the last holdouts of etiquette. Remember your mother forcing you to sit at the kitchen table and write Auntie or Uncle a thank you note for the wonderful Birthday Sweater? How about the thank you cards you sent out for the gifts you received at your wedding? Did you write thank-you notes to your interviewers after you were seen for that job? Certificates are not only a way of letting others know the people are real, they are a reflex from our past. They are the glorified Thank You Note.

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We are on three sites and only one has a public certification feature. Another just has a number called verification. Once you reach a certain point (20) you get a larger icon and the counting stops. These are anonymous.

 

I certify some people others I don't. No rhyme or reason. I really should sit down and certify more. I just have a hard time writing something that is meaningful, somewhat unique but also brief.

 

I sometimes check out certs to see what sort of couples the other couple may have played with. I know it does not mean they did, but sometimes you tell by the cert. Sort of gives me a very small insight into what the other couple is into. I know it's somewhat unscientific, just a curiousity sort of thing.

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I'm not quite so quick to agree completely with you on this one. Certs are one thing and thank you notes are in a completely different category. We have a free account on sls which means we can't cert others. We always send a personal thank you note to party hosts and friends we interact with at the party. The notes are intended to be private.

 

We have certified or validated others on szc and that action was completely isolated from any thank you note function.

 

We have a couple of certs and have no interest in getting any more. The first ones were appreciated because like you said, they indicate we are "real". In the beginning, that had value.

 

I guess, in the end, the hook-up sites are just a tool. We are free to use any tool in any manner we choose. It just leads to confusion when we expect everyone to fix a carburetor with a hammer just because it happens to be our tool of choice.

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Thank-you notes are private. Certifications are public. That's the main difference in my mind, at least relative to your post.

 

I am always surprised by people who think that "too many" certs means a couple has "gotten around too much". Kind of silly, when there's no reason why a couple who's completely indiscriminate might have only one or two certs.

 

We like to have certifications from people who at least appear to be the type of couples we'd like to have contact us. But we don't want someone to look at our certifications and be discouraged if their body type, hair color, skin color, what have you are not the same as what they see in our certification list. I think a lot of people find too many ways to rule people out, rather than the other way around.

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OK! Yes, Thank You notes are private! Certs are public. The one thing they have in common is we send them to thank someone for something.

 

I too believe that the number of certs has nothing to do with whether a person is a bed post notcher or just very popular.

 

so much can be learned from the certs the profile holds. The Certs, just like the photos and the bio in the profile, help us to know the individual/couple just a little more.

 

I peronally could care less how many a profile has. the more the merrier, if you ask me. But you didnt, so I will leave it at that!

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I like your approach to certs as a way to say more about a couple, and help others get to know them a little more.

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Ms. fuse

I have taken to using the certs we have to aid us in our descriptions section of our profile. Instead of me saying Mrs. CXXC is X, Y and/or Z, I have left it up to the individuals who have experienced her first hand! Straight from the horses mouth, if you will!

 

I have seen profiles with 20+ certs that I have scratched my head and wondered "HOW?" by looking at the profile itself. Then I have seen long time profile holders with no certs and wonder "Why?".

 

I can honestly say, if I met you and Mr. Fuse, if we played and the event went as I know it would (OUTSTANDING), I would HAVE to write a cert for you! That is just the way I do things!

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As Chicup posted in the other thread about certs, they too often are used to judge.

 

We have no certifications, and honestly that's our preference. Certifications have not stopped us from contacting another couple who has many, but for us who we meet, whether play was involved or not, is private.

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NCfuncouple

I respect your opinion and even understand your thoughts. However, why have a system of certification as we do if we dont take advantage of it?

Do you think the system has been changed since its beginning? Was it once used to simply certify that a couple was real and not fakes, only to turn into an informal rating system?

I have yet to see a certification that was written in a poor light of the recipient. I dont see how that could be thought of as a form of judgement.

Can you fill us in a little in how you arrived at your conclusion?

Thanks

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I just don't think it's anyone's business who knows us or who doesn't, no matter how it's written. How does that have anything to do with whether or not we would be compatible?

 

Rather than pick and choose certifications, we go with none.

 

I guess I can give one hypothetical. We meet a couple at a club, have good conversation but no chemistry. They send us a cert or ask for one. Now what if, unbeknown to us, they are well known for drama (drunkenness, fighting, whatever). So we take their cert. Then another couple sees our profile, and that cert, and chooses not to contact us because they know the other couple has caused issues in the past. Yep, it's a judgement. And it's human nature.

 

Just our opinion, that's all. Everyone has one!

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We would have taken a personal thank you note over a certification anytime. We see a very big difference between the two.

 

I have to ask...

 

How would you feel if someone like us did not accept the certification (even though we had a great time) and would like to get together again ?

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fun4Ds

A pesonalized thank you note is a wonderful thing. I have to agree with you there.

 

It is funny you should ask how I would feel having a cert refused. We have. The couple we played and still play with do not like certs for various reasons. When they declined the cert, they let me know why and all was fine with our world.

 

I take no offence at peoples chioces within the lifestyle. We are all individuals. Each one of us looks at things differently. Some like the certs, some dont!

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