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sexual habituation

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socolais

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I've been doing quite a bit of googling lately about sexual habituation - from brain chemistry to tantric rituals. The problem of habituation eventually led us to swinging in search of a remedy. Whether it's dopamine and serotonin or Maslow, I like the way swinging invoked that honeymoon feeling for my wife and me. It has lasted a couple of years now, and I don't see any signs of it tapering off. If anything, we keep finding new ways to feel closer to each other (that's pretty cool after more than 30 years together).

 

One point that I find really interesting, we feel that we don't need to continue additional swinging to maintain this feeling. Neither one of us are sure that feeling is accurate. We keep going to the parties mostly because we've become friends with a few of the regulars and it is a fun time. We enjoy being sexually relaxed enough that we can occasionally enjoy sharing with others.

 

But still, there's that omniscient thought (fear) in the core of my consciousness - will this good stuff slip away like it did before? Knowledge is the key to understanding and that's the key to defect prevention or broader, management. According to some sources, intense orgasms are strongly correlated with progressing habituation.

 

Fear is a double edged sword. We have some concerns about habituating on swinging and through that, loose some of our closeness or at least, loosing some effectiveness of our trusted remedy.

 

There's a crazy tantric ritual that has a reputation for restoring the honeymoon feeling - but ya have to forfeit almost all orgasms to get the benefit. It's funny how swinging seems to have a lower emotional cost (once the initiation dues are paid). We've been dabbling with it a little bit and it's a lot of fun, but I sure wouldn't want it as a primary solution. Orgasms that might kill normal Texans, are way too good to pass up without a damn good reason. You know the ones I'm talking about, it hurts a little bit when ya straighten out your toes.

 

So, I'm always on guard duty.....

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Habituation is not something we consciously choose, it's about the gradual reduction in response to a repeated stimulus. It sneaks up on us; it happens to us even when we wish it wouldn't. It's the cooling of the flames of desire for our spouse over time; it's the loss of that honeymoon feeling. It's the reduction in sexual excitement upon seeing a naked lady on the other side of the room after attending house parties or swingers clubs so many times. It's the "rut" in our routine sex that makes the thought of sex with someone new seem so exciting. It's the reason recreational drug addicts need a larger dose to get the same buzz. It's why we wouldn't want our favorite pizza every day - we get used to it in a way that makes it loose some of it's appeal. It's elevator music.

 

It's not something that goes away when we simply refuse it, because it happens at the fundamental brain chemistry level. Our minds naturally ignore sameness and concentrate on difference. We can't wish it away, no matter how hard we try. We can't consciously make our selves fall in love. However, we can make choices in our lives that indirectly influence the brain chemistry in a way that we would like.

 

Swinging happens to be one of the well known ways to invoke the honeymoon feeling in a couple. Novel sexual partners invoke primitive brain chemistry and we can direct that freshened sexual admiration toward our spouse and enjoy the benefits together.

 

There are other ways to ward off sexual habituation in a long term relationship, and each method has it's unique costs and benefits. Everyone that recognizes the migration of habituation into their relationship has a choice between the several methods or live with the effects of habituation. The real trick is to recognize the onset of habituation.

 

My concern is about habituating to the beneficial effects of swinging and it loosing some of it's effectiveness. I've already noticed some habituation toward swinging (naked lady across the room) and I want to be diligent in my marital responsibilities.

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I can kinda see where your comming from.....

 

Did I ever tell you I have been with the same woman for 30 plus years ?

 

She has changed many times over those years. I dont think I'm having sex with the same woman I met as a girl, 30 years ago.....I like that !

 

Sometimes its like having sex with someone new each day, depending on her mood even.

 

That in its self, keeps things rather..... Stimulated. LOL

 

I have found that Mrsfun can be many different women, if I pay attention.

 

Make sense ?

Edited by fun4Ds

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Perhaps habituation hits some folks harder than others. I think you're in an envyable situation.

 

I maintain hope, habituation fails to sneak up on us again.

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