I guess you could say I am one of those individuals who really enjoys the Holidays! There is something about the season that gets me going! It could be the “cool” in the air. (Savannah doesn’t really get chilly) It may be the pretty lights and garland. Perhaps the festive colors and decorations bring a certain joy to my heart. The music, while rather repetitive and simple, is one of my favorite parts of this season. I also notice, by and large, the people seem to be just a tad bit nicer. Well, they are nice until you try to get that last parking space at the mall or grab the last item on the sale rack. Then you have another asshole in the bunch. But I digress!

The holiday season is my favorite time of year. Each year, on the day after Thanksgiving, Mrs. CXXC and I put up the trees and decorations throughout the house! This is a tradition we have had since the beginning of our relationship! Virtually every Christmas carol known to man is in my MP3 selection. The music adds to the environment perfectly. Mrs. CXXC may even bake a pumpkin roll to add an olfactory element to the holiday cheer. Failing that, scented candles of cinnamon and apples easily do in a pinch! Ahhhh! I do love this holiday season!

This year, the Grinch stole Mrs. CXXC. That vile green eyed creature, spoiler of fun and all that is celebratory within the holidays is called WORK!!! My little “Wendy Hoo” had to miss the joys and pleasures of erecting the trees, placing the decorations, hanging the wreaths, drinking eggnog and listening to the joyous choir of Christmas song! My sweet Darling could not be with me to bring in the Holiday season as we have these 13 years past! The retched task master, the ANTI-holiday, WORK ( The most foul 4 letter word) stole my precious girl from home and hearth. Away from the warmth of the candle glow, my sweet lady was forced to suffer yet another tireless day with that malcontent she calls an employer! That evil being has also robbed us of our sweet union, as we always bring in the holiday season!

YEP! There I was, all by myself with two trees to put up, decorations to hang, ornaments to untangle and arrange, Tree lights that never make it from one season to the next without losing one bulb or more! (That just gets my goat! How the heck do those little light bulbs get broken IN THE BOX that is neatly packed in another box and stored on a shelf in a closet for a full 11 months???) Tree one is the BIG tree at 7’6” tall with 1200 lights (pre-lit tree! Great idea. One would think!). Tree two is your standard 6’ tree that has no lights! By the way, we like fake trees as they have a history! They make little mess and generally look the same from year to year. Real trees have imperfections, make quite a mess and have no history with the family!

A couple years ago, I had to visit Sears around the end of January. I was looking for some tools (IMAGINE THAT) when I came upon a row of Christmas trees on sale. Now, I don’t just jump at something because is it on sale. However, I had to stop and take a look! The trees were all pre-lit! That means they have the lights already wired to the branches! Ingenious!!!! One less thing to have to worry about! “DOWN FROM $425.00” the Tag reads! Curious, I flip the tag over and had to do a double take. I find the Non-Wal-Mart employee leaning against the checkout counter and ask, “Does this really say $75.00?”

So, now that our PRE-LIT tree has some history, it also has some wear. UNLIKE tree #2, when the lights don’t work from last season, you have to trace that bastard down. You can’t just run up to Walgreens and grab 1000 lights for $8.99. you have to remember where you put the replacement bulbs (Not like the ones you can get at Walgreens for $1.50 for a three pack). So I am always forced to jury rig one of the other light bulbs to get the section to work again! Sigh! Next tree….. LED! Whatever you do, DON’T do fiber optic. Sis has one! That thing never worked right from the box!

Now, Tree one may be pre-lit, but that does not mean it takes less time to set up! As it is larger and has a greater surface area, it needs more STUFF! So, Stuff we bought! LOADS OF STUFF! Stuff that originally had ABSOLUTELY NO history what-so-ever! Well, now it does. One thing about Tree #1’s stuff is that it is virtually ALL PLASTIC! Looks just like glass but, still plastic! Pretty neat! I drop a ball (Those stupid little hooks never go on right!) and it just bounces along pinging as it may! Then the dog gets in the act and another 15 minutes of “PLAY BALL” ensues!

Frosted and shiny balls of gold and of silver, matching icicles, little silver and matching gold gift wrapped boxes, silver bows, golden bows, along with various other matching ornaments adorn this tree so beautifully. Crowned with a golden, lighted star, the tree is a welcoming and warm addition to our formal living room! Naturally, I forgot to plug the star into the pre-strung receptacle so I have to fish the foolish cord down through the middle of the tree to plug it in. Ping, ping, ping….. another ball falls, the dog comes, another 15 minutes of “Play Ball” (more like DROP IT!!!!!) and tree number one is all done! Well, there is still the matter of the tree skirt and pushing the monster into the corner while trying to minimize an avalanche of ornaments. HA HA HA!! No such luck. I am changing the dog’s name to Max!

Tree number two, the smaller and non-pre-lit tree takes just a few moments less to erect, light and adorn! Unfortunately, I am forced to decorate this remnant of druid celebration on a carpet. These ornaments are our oldest and most fragile. All of glass or crystal, each ornament is packed away with care and held with admiration for both its beauty and history! The dog would die if she tried to run off with ANY of these ornaments. Well, that one her little brother made in year 3 could use a chewing! Nahhh! Soon, our family room is brightly lit and festive in Holiday Style!

I once read somewhere that the number one cause of divorce was not infidelity, financial matters or in-laws. I was surprised that the article called the Christmas tree the culprit. I can understand now, why, in the midst of all my holiday cheer, Mrs. CXXC would disappear for moments on end, from time to time, as I screamed at the top of my lungs at the string of lights that were working perfectly before I put them on the tree! It also becomes clear to me, now, why she had more “nog” in her Eggnog than I did! How have we survived 13 of these things? I am so blessed! Mrs. CXXC still shares a celebratory evening of passion after all these years and trees! In retrospect, I now think Mrs. CXXC and I have celebrated the opening of the holidays with more of a grudge fuck than love making!

The house is decorated for Christmas. The trees sparkle and shine like beacons into the night, in exclamation of their purpose! The candles flick as if dancing to the Christmas music ushering from the speakers. The wreaths beckon a warm welcome to the visitor. Our home smells of apple pie, Christmas cookies, cinnamon and vanilla. The fruits of our efforts are on display for all to see and enjoy! We welcome one, we welcome all to visit, break bread and share with us a moment of holiday spirit!

Soon, the guests will come and go. The Holidays will arrive and pass. Many memories will be had, held and captured. And then we take it all down again. I bet she volunteered to work this year! NICE!!!