I still need to go back and listen to my interview on SwingerCast again to see if I really did say this...

Someone on the SwingerCast forum understood me to say that couples who are looking for friends first should just go for Polyamory (or something to that affect).

I think a lot of people misunderstand my/our take on the whole friends first thing. It's not that I'm against making friends in the lifestyle. Nor do we go out to clubs looking to get laid that night (or every night). What few people realize (and probably more of you know that know us in person) is that we haven't played in quite a while due to my physical limitations. It's funny when people hear my take on the friends first thing, they assume we are at the clubs/parties/socials getting laid every weekend and that's all that we are therefore.

For those who don't know my take.... it's simply this. I'm not against making friends in the lifestyle (we have many), but we don't go to socials, parties, etc looking to make friends FIRST. We go to meet people. If we meet a couple and things work out and there is interest, we'd rather hook-up sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, I've learned the hardway something VegasLee said long before I did... If you look for Friends First you'll likely friend yourself right out of sex. If you go out and have a good time, you know pretty quick whether or not you are attracted to someone or whether or not you want to screw them. It takes a lot longer to establish a friendship. Then there's that whole "what does friendship mean?" question. When people say they have to be "friends first" it means something different for everyone. We have to have a connection, in that we have to find you attractive and think there might be potential for more than just sex at some point. But, we don't need to know how you vote, or what your favorite food is, or how many kids you have, your favorite sports team or any other mundane life stuff. Those are the things, however, that (to us) make up friendship... well sorta - I really don't care how you vote or what your favorite sports teams are, and knowing probably won't influence my decision to be friends with you.

I have a point, I promise. So, all that said, we haven't played much in the last couple of years, so in a way it's a mute point. We may be friending ourselves out of sex right and left... but we are making friends. It's a hard call with people you meet in this lifestyle to know where they are at. In our current situation, there are those we've played with (or met and would love to play with) that we just get the feeling they would call us "friends" but wouldn't call us just to hang out. They are there and would be perfectly happy for us to call them up and say "hey we are back in business, let's play". Funny thing is, most of those probably won't get that call when it comes down to it. Then there are others we've met since all this started that we talked to and there was obvious interest on all sides and we would have loved to play with them, BUT.... When that happens, if there is really interest, we're honest with them and tell them what's going on and leave it in their court as to where to go from there. If they are interested in getting to know us under our current limitations we are all for making friends. If not, it's no biggie and maybe down the road we'll run into them again.

Recently, we were lucky enough to run into the former. We met a couple last month at a social that we'd exchanged a few messages with over the last year or so. We'd missed each other at socials and what not and finally we all happened to be at the same place at the same time. Instant attraction all the way around (I think it was already there based on pictures and profiles, but definitely there in person). After the social they contacted us about getting together. We were honest about the situation and let them know that given that info if they still wanted to get together for drinks or dinner, great. If not, we understood. They said they still wanted to meet. Things actually managed to work out so that we met up with them last week and we all just had a wonderful time, realizing that we had a ton in common (outside the lifestyle) and could be really good friends. Only time will tell if that's the case, but I hope it is.... and who knows maybe we won't friend ourselves out of sex.