I have a theory:

A few years ago, when the Spanish armada was beginning to cruise the new world, there was a particular swingle male with an SLS screen name "Pounce de lay one on ya". Well, ole Pounce had been in the boat for a little too long - knot holes in the ships planking were starting to look sexually inviting and an exciting change from Rosy Palmer.

Pounce's deliriously homophobic navigator accidentally bumped the ship into some dirt and proudly declared success (under budget AND ahead of schedule) in the name of almighty Spain. Pounce led the away-team at sundown looking for first contact. On the rural outskirts of the native village, he happened upon a swingers "hut party" and joined right in. I'll spare you the bump and grind details and get right to the point....

Early the next afternoon, ole Pounce wakes up in a drunken stupor and with a smile that just wont quit (Pounce is not as young as he used to be). He panics when he realizes he's on a mission and is going to have to file a trip report.

The whole "fountain of youth" cover story was supposed to be just a joke..........