Good luck... sounds like you and your husband need to do some negotiating about how you like to get to the good part. The problem with four-way matches-- well, that's frustrating, and I feel your pain there. Sorry about the drama from your playmate, but I guess moving on is all you can do there. I'm sure you two have any communication wrinkles worked out.

The part about people who are concerned about whether their partner is having too much fun -- struck a huge nerve with me. We've had that problem both between us, where Mr. Fuse is jealous of my relative popularity with playmates, and externally, where the SO's of playmates have balked at how much fun their loved one was having with one or the other of us. If people would just relax and be happy for each other, that part would be a lot easier.

I miss the old me too. I especially miss the old us, where there were so many new people to meet, so many good matches (somehow it used to be easier, or it seems like it), so many possibilities around every corner.

I really think we can choose how we feel, though. We can choose to be optimistic and see the extraordinary fun we get to have. We can revel in our ability to experience variety and excitement. We just have to choose to do that, instead of focusing on the negative things that happen.

I know the feeling of wanting the sexual adventure of a party. We went through a spell where our schedules conflicted with our regular swinging groups. We relied on each other to stay out of the rut and keep the sex unpredictable.

It took some time to work out in my head, but I came to the realization that we didn't REALLY need to swing. We reinvoked the freshness and excitement by role-playing swing partners for each other (it sounds trivial, but it worked for us). Climb in bed on the "wrong" side, ask permission for each new activity, generally be more vocal with feedback and preferences.... Rediscover the excitement of playful sex. We could be confident there would be no drama, unless it was pretend, just for a laugh.

About the difficulty of finding mutually desirable playmates, look in a different place if you need to find different folks.

It's funny to me in a way. Life gets in the way of anything and everything doesn't it? It sucks when it gets in the way of the fun stuff. And we can find a rut for any part of our life. Even having sex with someone other than our SO.

I feel your pain. I know what it is like. And even when it's my own I have to stop and at least grin. What lucky people we are that we can say we miss the excitement of the way things used to be while swinging. Even as we still take advantage of the opportunity for non-monogamous sex.

I hope I didn't offend with the giggling.

*Smile* No offense taken, gatorvol, none at all. I believe laughter is the cure of all ills.

Actually, I'm feeling pretty good right now. I got to vent with a significant other today and had a heart to heart with the hubby about what works and what doesn't, and we may now have a working plan of action.

I thank you all for the feedback and the reminders that "it's all good."

We have settled upon the idea of 'private parties are best'. We both feel free to indulge. She finds the man she wants -- I go after the woman who catches my eye. Very liberating. But we still go for the four-way matches. Best of both worlds.

Silent scream? Isn't that the title for a famous painting?

It's called The Scream. Silent Scream was a b-movie, killer/thriller type from the late 70's and yeah I saw it..lol

We too like the party scene..generally easy to meet people for fun and play, splitting up as you do. But we also do the 4-way let meet and see how it goes thing from time to time, but are up for play on the first meet. We both like the get to know you part, but that typically comes after play.