Intuition

I think this is an interesting blog and something we all have to address at some point in our swinging activities. The folks we've met at the house parties we attend have shown themselves to be completely trustworthy and respectful. Most of the folks attend the parties regularly and many of us have a common military background. Once we became known there, we started hearing stories about how disrespectful folks have been asked to leave and not been invited back.

My wife and I play separately at the parties and I have no reservation about her safety behind closed doors with her choice of playmates. I think any of the regulars would act quickly if someone were being treated inappropriately. It is easy to relax and let our guard down. My wallet and keys will be tossed into the playbag within moments after we arrive at the party and I'm completely confident they'll be there when I go digging for them.

We've been to many different party locations and seen the same kind of mutual respect at each one. I think we've been lucky as hell in our swinging options.

Perhaps we should talk about a lack of trust rather than a lack of chemistry when we decide who to not play with. Because, thinking about it, I think that my instinctive negative reactions to some people are based more on that than on sexual attractiveness. When we think that someone can't be trusted, naturally we wouldn't want to get naked with them.

As I've said before (and pretty much in line with what SW_PA_Couple said), if you follow your gut, then you can't go wrong.

=)

.....if you follow your gut, then you can't go wrong.

I think it's a valuable tool, but I really don't think it's a foolproof tool. Something can go wrong even when you follow your instincts.

Take a look at the couples in the link that exploringRM posted. I had to read the story to figure out which couple was the victim, and which one was the perpetrator of a horrendous crime. Both looked like normal, attractive couples.

Was there something that the bad couple did that should have alerted the victims? Maybe, maybe not. We'll never know. It was mentioned that a third couple was there at the nightclub, but bailed because the bad couple was "too forward". Doesn't really mean much, as most vanillas would possibly think of us as too forward. Their forwardness very well may have been attractive to the victims.

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't think that victims in crimes like these are always too trusting, or not following their instincts. I think that there are some very evil people out there that can fool people long enough to do bad things to them.

Thankfully, these bad people, or evil, defective, whatever you want to call them, are very, very few and far between. I'll pull a number out of my ass and say they are one in every one million people. So, the actual chance of meeting or dealing with someone like this is very rare.

So, trusting your gut is a good thing, but not an infallible defense, IMHO.

I vaguely remember this case when it happened, and that was a horrifying read. Sorry this sort of overshadows the blog which was obviously just the opposite, but wow. As two4 said, I couldn't tell who the murderer couple would be from the photos I had to check with the story.

I am in complete agreement with two4youinswva. I tend to trust my gut. But just because I am a good observer and have a good record of picking the bad ones for who they are, doesn't mean I can't be fooled. That's the "Luck" in the title of this blog.

Like Chicup and two4you, when I looked at that article I studied the faces in the pictures and still had to read it to find out who the victims were, and who were the murderers.

Mr. Fuse and I discussed what happened last weekend when we went to that couple's house. We agreed that from now on if we do something like that, we will let a trusted friend know where we are going as a precaution. We will also leave a note in our house to that effect. Those things might not protect us in a crunch but at least if something happens, the people would be caught.

In the case I posted above, the couple met while out..I don't recall if it was on the bus or at a bar. There was no prior contact at all, a random meeting. I feel a little solace in the fact that for people we meet there is some sort of trail..email exchanged, sign-ups and at times payment to the host of an event, as well as witnesses.

I don't mean to imply that trusting your gut is the be-all, end-all answer. You have to use "common" sense and reasonable precaution, too. And to a point, luck does factor in there, because even doing all the right things, you can end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Hope it's not too far off topic, but what worries me is when we turn down a person or couple. Never know if that will escalate into some type of revenge, either outing us or some altertcation.

That's the "Luck" in the title of this blog.

I like to think of it as "Herd Protection" or maybe even "Herd Immunity".

I think you really hit on an interesting, and important, subject with this blog entry. Thanks for sharing this. You never know, it really could help someone in the future.

Great topic Fuse. Gut feeling goes a long way for me. But I try to add in common sense and all that. Still, there are things I can look back on in my life and wonder at how we came out on the right end of things.

Your ideas of leaving a note or telling someone where you are sound good as well.

So really, how do we make these decisions about when to trust?

It comes from shows on TV. We all got our investigative gene coddled as we first watched Murder she Wrote then Matlock, oh so many years ago. When Jessica Fletcher solved all the New England whodunnits, and Matlock got a little too small town, we moved on to Law and Order.

I think during the courting and getting to know someone phase that most of us can filter out the un-wanted. I think your initial trust came from the conversations and comfort you had in this courting phase. Some people are just very easy to read, understand and like.

We haven't played much, but there's a great line from Bradbury that goes,"Beware the glad hand." When someone seems too ideal, saying things that are too much the perfect thing to say in that moment, too smiling, too complimentary, my radar goes up and they are less genuine.