When I got into swinging I instinctively "knew" it is the right place for what I am trying to accomplish. But what am I trying to accomplish, exactly?

To get laid more often? Why, one can have a monogamous relationship and get laid all day long. To meet a variety of partners? Swinging parties are biweekly only, I could get lucky with 12 one night stands between two. Heck, the last time a lady spontaneously proposed consensual sex to me (a 300 lbs matron, approaching me in a parking with "Well, Rod Stewart, do you want a good time?") she scared the living daylights out of me, frankly. So what the heck really brought me to swinging, then?

It must be my compulsive trading habit. I started to trade cards and stickers and things when I was about 6; progressed to computer gadgets and software and musical instruments after 18. Now instead of trading and collecting "things" that make me happy, I just trade happiness - intimate moments of pleasure - directly. No intermediate step required in owning something.

When you trade an item really successfully, be it CDs or synthesizers, a time comes when you reach a special plateau of contentment. You realize that adding one (or 10 or 100) more new ones to the pile make you feel no happier. What does make you happy is knowing that nearly anything is within your reach, even that elusive rare collector item in Upper Botswana because you have enough sought-after trades to offer for it. Name anything and you could get it. It's the accomplished trader's high.

I believe the quest after this plateau is what motivated me to take up swinging too. Not to "collect the whole set" (or I ought to have taken the 300 lbs matron up on her offer too.) It is to progress to a level, where one day I might be able to feel an accomplished trader's high about sexual pleasures; be a really special one 4000 miles away, I could get it, I have the right goods to offer for it.

Does this sound crazy to you? Perhaps it is crazy, but let me say something. Anything you'll see on the TV news tonight - all the wars, frauds, murder and politics in the world - happens so that less than 100 people can hoard enough millions to reach the same end. So they can afford *any* sexual adventure; be a really special one 4000 miles away, they could get it, they have the cash to trade for it. (Ever noticed the cute women some war hawks picked up?) They are shooting for the exact same result by having millions blown up that I aim by ... well, just swinging.

The New World Order gets a lot of airplay these days. Sure, the world will be united one day in a giant happy community. But it will not be the work of the d*cks at the UN. It will be the work of the d*cks of swingers worldwide. I raise mine to that... happy swinging