Do you prefer to avoid mixing sex with friendship?

Is the idea of a friends-with-benefits connection appealing?

Background:

Most Americans practice monogamy, more or less. Considering the divorce rate, some have called it "serial" monogamy. Many have multiple partners over their lifetime, they just have them one at a time. Let's think of monogamy as one end of a continuum. At the other end of the spectrum is polygamy A.K.A. "group marriage".

Polygamy = multiple women with multiple men at one time.

Polygyny = one man with more than one woman.

Polyandry = one woman with more than one man.

Polyamory is a romantic or sexual relationship involving multiple partners all at once, regardless of martial status. A "poly" relationship is defined by negotiation between its members, rather than cultural norms. Polyamory (from poly=multiple + amor=love) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Is swinging polyamory? One could certainly argue the "friends with benefits" approach to swinging is a version of it. Combining ongoing friendship and sexual intimacy is a type of polyamorous relationship because friends (by definition) care about each other and are committed to each other. How much they care is relative. There is a big gray area in the middle of the continuum between monogamy and polygamy, and it comes in a lot of flavors and variations.

Nearest to the monogamy end of the spectrum are swingers employing the "use 'em & loose 'em" approach. These choose to be emotionally monogamous, staunchly avoiding any connection or relationship beyond sex. Their sole goal is physical gratification. Play partners are objectified and seen as sex toys, not true friends. The "use 'em & loose 'em" swingers tend to meet new people and play once or twice, maybe a few times, but seldom more. Some opt for playing with complete strangers at on-premise clubs where they meet potential partners, assess chemistry, and play if they feel it. They choose this approach because there are no strings, no continued relationships, and they can keep their swinging utterly separate from their "vanilla" lives.

Moving along the continuum, further away from monogamy, we come to the "friends-with-benefits" swingers. Their friendships may be mild, strong, or somewhere in between. The key element of the relationship is sex, but they also want to be friends with their play partners. They want to enjoy each other's company socially and sexually. While these friendships are decidedly secondary and subordinate to a marriage relationship, a friends-with-benefits connection can be very intimate and meaningful to the participants.

At the opposite end of the spectrum from monogamy are committed "poly" relationships. Polygyny - multiple women with one man - is a familiar example. Poly relationships may or may not look like a "marriage" to outsiders, because the partners negotiate it among themselves. Poly relationships are as varied as the individuals involved.

Most swingers want no part of a committed polygamous relationship. They want "sport sex" and steer clear of commitments with anyone other than their spouse. Even those seeking a friends-with-benefits connection are often guarded about getting too close.

As for us, we have no interest in a poly relationship, but we do prefer sex with friends above sex with strangers. We're comfortable combining sex and friendship, and know how to keep the boundaries clear. We are life-long partners and deeply in love. Some of our sex buddies are very close friends, some much less so - similar to our "vanilla" friendships. Why should lifestyle friendships be any different? We've enjoyed some very exciting one night stands, but along the way we've found sex is even better if we know our partners, enjoy their company, and share mutual friendship.

What about you?