Well, I have been lurking on this site for many years and have added very little to the content. My plight is probably very similar to many that come here and lurk or even participate in the conversation. I would like to get involved in the lifestyle and my wife is reluctant.

First, for some background information about us. We dated in high school, married about 5 years later. She had a serious boyfriend before I came along while I never really dated much or was that sexually active for that matter. We did have one FMF before we were married and have discussed experimenting sexually many times over the years. Part of the reason it took so long for me to get married (5 years) is because I could not seem to get past the thought of only having sex with her forever. We had already had the FMF, several very near MFM situations that never quite happened, sex where friends were able to see what was happening. We have always had very open conversations and we agreed that if that is something that I really, really wanted, that we could discuss that when that point happened in our life.

Fast forward past her college, 2 kids, her master's degree, my 25 year career and now my college, it is beginning to come to the forefront of my sexual thoughts again. It has been all along, but lately it is something that she is not willing to discuss. I am at a loss as to what to do. She has gone to a swingers event with no expectations of anything happening, and nothing happened. Cool! She had sex with me while 2 other couples had sex in the same room last new years eve. Again, Cool! She is no prude, but does NOT want to talk about or do these things any longer.

I have never cheated on her and never thought I would because we have such an open relationship when it comes to communication. Now that seems to be closing a bit. She did tell me a couple of months after New Year's Eve that if that is what I wanted, that I should go on and do it. Part of the allure for me is HER enjoying this lifestyle, not just me. It is tempting to join a local group that gets together for sex on weekdays, but I hate to lie and cheat.

I can't exactly talk with my/our friends about this so here I am blogging to complete strangers. I feel a little better after writing down a few of my thoughts, but really, I know that I will have to remain mostly happy but always wishing for a little more. The alternative to that is her being mostly happy knowing that she did something that she didnt want to do. Life is funny sometimes.