Swinging is supposed to be fun, and if it's causing tension, then it sounds like you are making the right decision, even if it doesn't feel so good right now. Who knows, maybe down the road you two will find yourself closer to being aligned in what you want, and may try to venture into it again.

We like to think this board is a great resource for people interested in swinging and relationships, but I feel I can speak for Julie and the mod team when I say that we wouldn't want anyone to feel worse about themselves, and think of themselves as failing by visiting here because they are having issues working the swinging thing out. If you are finding the site to be having a bad effect on your attitude and self-image, then sadly we must agree that you will have to let it go. We'd hate to see you leave, but would hate even more if the site contributed to hurting your relationship.

Best of luck to both of you, and may you have happy days ahead.

I do feel depressed and I feel loss. It's sad to say. I feel like I have failed. I have feelings I never thought I would. I wish I could install a light switch for some of my emotions and turn them off and padlock it.

No decision you make about yourself today has to be permanent. I only point it out because it may ease your angst. There is no failure in this and no timetable. Let your priorities be what they are without fretting over "woulda, shoulda, coulda."

There are some of the situations we can agree

If you decide to go forward it has to be sticking with what you can both agree to.

I agree that hanging out on sites like this after you've decided not to proceed can be detrimental, and could increase your negative feelings towards him. I know for me, even, during times that we can't swing for whatever reason (even though we are still ok with it) I find that I frequent this site (and especially the ad sites) much less. If there's something keeping us from swinging, it just makes me feel negative when I am forced to face others who are enjoying it, and showing me what I'm missing.

I wish you both many great things in your future together. Swinging may not be a part of it, but swinging is nothing compared to a wonderful relationship. Focus on all the good, maybe down the road you will revisit this topic and find that feelings have changed.

Ya it shouldn't but it does make me feel like look at all these people who can seem to manage and I can't. It can make me cynical at times on the subject.

I hate to say it, but maybe because he did something he told me wasn't even interested in doing and broke our already discussed rules, I have felt like I was cheated on. The hurt has been like that. Like I said before I just wish my worries, fears and insecurities would just disappear and that these activities wouldn't change how I see him as he says it hasn't changed how he sees me.

Swinging is supposed to be FUN, and if it's not for you AND your hubby, then perhaps walking away (even temporarily) is for the best. I do understand the mindset of gaining weight and letting it affect your confidence/mood/etc. I went through that recently, and it was a hellofa(n) uphill battle.

And if there have been any trust issues, they, too, need to be dealt with before moving forward.

Most importantly, YOU HAVE NOT FAILED!!! There is no shame in trying something and discovering it isn't right for you.

I hope that you are able to let go and forgive yourself. Maybe at some point in the future when you and your hubby are in a better place, you can reconsider the lifestyle, and it will work for you then.

Hugs,

=)

It works for me and I suppose it works for him. It just don't work for me watching him or being in love with him. If that makes sense. I am still struggling with wanting extra.