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Would YOU Swing With Us?
I've actually long tried to keep this site and our actual swinging separate. I've found too many times that people judge us based on the fact that I own a swinger site (or wrote a book on swinging). Until the book came out, it wasn't something that we really promoted much at all. Our primary club has always tried to help me promote this site (and the book) as much as they can (and I help them as much as I can in return). But, I always find myself shrinking back when an announcement is made at the club that I'm there, or that I'm giving away books, or whatever.
Once people KNOW us they know us well enough to know that this site makes no difference in who we are or how we play. Just because I run a swinger website doesn't mean I'm on here every day posting about the people we've played with (quite the opposite). And, just because I wrote a book on swinging doesn't mean you are going to be in the next one. Unfortunately, sometimes it becomes hard to get past that with people don't really KNOW us that well.
Just at the last party we were talking to a couple that we've met a few times at different clubs and they know about the book. They didn't know about the website but I told them about it and how it lead to the book. Then later something was said (I can't remember what) and she was like "What's your definition of that?" and I was like "definition of what?" (whatever it was we'd been talking about should not have needed a definition more than the word "is" needs a definition). Her response was "remind me not to get into a conversation with someone who wrote a book!" and that's where the discussion ended (well with the exception of another comment from me trying to figure out what the heck she was talking about). Maybe it was simple miscommunication (it happens in loud, dark environments all the time), but I felt like it was more than that. Like she was almost holding it against us that I've written a book.
I don't claim to be an expert in swinging (many others give me that label and I try to shrug it off). I have plenty of experience of my own within the lifestyle and it's varied a great deal over the years. I've also probably read more about swinging and the variety of experiences people have than anyone else around (because, yes, I have read at least 90% of the threads on this site, as well as most swinger books that exist). That doesn't make me an expert, I don't think an expert in something like this exists. It's like saying you are an expert in people. It's not possible, because we are all so different and random.
It's frustrating and it sucks at times. I find myself constantly trying to balance actually enjoying swinging at the clubs and HAVING to do promotion (because it's the best place to promote the book and the site). Maybe I'm wrong and I just read into things and pull that up as the reason when maybe it's something else. But, this has just been bugging me, so I thought I'd share it.
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