We are not new to this lifestyle and have had fun with it.

We got into our first fight a few weeks ago because the rules that we sat down had been broken. One of our rules were that we never play with single people. A few weeks ago he ended up getting an email from a single women and felt like he should be able to play with someone he really wants. I told him that I did not want singles. My reasons stem from other singles being trouble makers.

He wanted to fight about this until he was blue in the face because it was something he really wanted. I stood my ground! "Why should the rules we came up with together be changed because of a one time person he felt like he needed?"

I was hurt by the entire fight because he was not on my side one bit, he only wanted to tell me why he did not believe we would work. I know that he had plans on meeting this girl outside of us together and that just pissed me off. He even went as far as to tell me that I could also make friends outside of us. I was livid for a minute and then I decided that none of it was worth it. I like the lifestyle I love being able to watch him and have him watch me but if I wanted a life outside of him and out sexual life I would leave him and go back out into the dating world lol.

The one thing that really hurt me was the fact that he blamed me for our last couples encounter being bad. Let me tell you bad wasn't the word for it!! It was horrible.

One of the couples we came across brought up a lot of bad memories for me. The male reminded me of someone in my past that I try really hard never to think about but the feelings and the emotions of a horrible night came flowing back. During our fight I told him that this isn't what I wanted out of this lifestyle. I don't want it to consume me I only want to use it to have some fun from time to time, and I should always be able to come to him and express myself and my feelings.

I told him about the feelings I had the last night we were with another couple, and the feelings I have about single people. Then I told him that I did not want to do this lifestyle anymore because I didn't want to do this with someone who does not care to understand my feelings and my thoughts. And if I feel like its going to be a fight every time I am not conformable with someone, then he isn't the one for me.

He then told me that I told him lies throughout our entire relationship and he cannot look at me the same. He asked me why ever women he gets with is broken because of someone hurting them in their past. (oh yes that hurt my feelings more than you will ever know)

I just walked away and decided that no one is worth all of that. Since then we have made up but it is still hard to forget about. I mean all that fight everything that we said to each other was over a women that he wanted and felt like ending it with me to get.

He has started to talk to me about other couples but I am not sure this is something I want to do anymore with him. The day he told me to go screw myself because he wanted to do as he pleased, and he was going to meet with someone after knowing my feelings was the day the trust went right out the window.

And then there is the fact that he wanted something so bad he was willing to hurt me over it. I can't help but feel like he only sees me in the sexual way and I don't want any of that if I can not share it with someone who respects me.

Our age difference is a main factor because I'm in my 20's and he is in his 40's so when we search for other couples it is hard to find someone to match both our wants. In most cases the women looks fairly young but the male is not my type, or the male I am attracted to but the female isn't into him.

I really don't even know why I am writing this because I already know my answer and how to fix my problem. I guess I just wanted to rant! Thanks for reading