Well, first, there are always only a few people who know us completely, or close to it. I have found over time, that I'm becoming increasingly comfortable in who I am in all aspects of my life. For instance, I'm an atheist, albeit a hopeful one. I do hope I'm wrong, but I cannot deny what I believe to be true. I used to never mention that I was an atheist and avoided the topic. If asked I would say that I did not have a personal dogma. Now if asked I simply say I'm an atheist or if pressed that Faith is simply a gift not bestowed to me. Yet, I would never try and persuade someone to think as I do. Now, with Swinging, while I don't advertise or discuss it in the vanilla world, if a sexual topic comes up, I'm no longer afraid of it. If someone makes the comment that something is sexually wrong morally, I'll challenge them to think more deeply on the subject. I never try and persuade them to my point of view, simply to consider their perspective more deeply and perhaps revise it. I'm at the point if someone asked me if I was a Swinger, I'd first ask them what they thought a Swinger was. Then, educate them on what it really was , then ask them if someone like that would be welcome in their life as a friend.-- Susan

Wonderful post. This is akin to how I feel sometimes about swinging (and other things) even though it doesn't play as big of a part of my life as yours. The fear of judgment and fall out is a biggie for most of us whether it be about swinging, religion, politics, or even the way we appear to others.

Well' date=' first, there are always only a few people who know us completely, or close to it. I have found over time, that I'm becoming increasingly comfortable in who I am in all aspects of my life. For instance, I'm an atheist, albeit a hopeful one. I do hope I'm wrong, but I cannot deny what I believe to be true. I used to never mention that I was an atheist and avoided the topic. If asked I would say that I did not have a personal dogma. Now if asked I simply say I'm an atheist or if pressed that Faith is simply a gift not bestowed to me. Yet, I would never try and persuade someone to think as I do. Now, with Swinging, while I don't advertise or discuss it in the vanilla world, if a sexual topic comes up, I'm no longer afraid of it. If someone makes the comment that something is sexually wrong morally, I'll challenge them to think more deeply on the subject. I never try and persuade them to my point of view, simply to consider their perspective more deeply and perhaps revise it. I'm at the point if someone asked me if I was a Swinger, I'd first ask them what they thought a Swinger was. Then, educate them on what it really was , then ask them if someone like that would be welcome in their life as a friend.[/quote']

 

You are hitting the nail right on the head, with how I approach/ feel about things. I wouldn't quite say I'm an Atheist, I fall more into the Agnostic category. When it comes to religion and such I just don't care. That is hard given that I live in the Bible Belt, where everything is based off the 3 Fs (Family, Faith & Football). I don't care about football, we don't have kids and we don't go to church. It makes conversing with most people in this backwards part of the world very difficult. Luckily, I don't work in public like my hubby does. He often has to fake all three just to network and deal with people. I can take a different approach since I'm not really out having to deal with people a lot.

 

When it comes to sexual topics, like you, I don't avoid them. I will deal with them straight on. Although, sometimes I do just have to walk away when I know what someone's POV on the topic is, I just don't go there. For instance recently on my FB page a friend posting something to the affect that basically some guy approached her about swinging but she didn't realize what it was he was saying until a few hours later. She's very religious and we disagree on our take on most things, in that case it's just not worth the effort. I think you have to choose your battles.

 

For me the biggest battle comes with the question of "what is it you do anyway?". My friends know I work from home, that I do something on the internet, but most don't know what it is. A handful do and there are a handful more that I'd tell if it came up (oddly those the ones that don't really ask).

What an thought-invoking post. In my case, my sexual life has NOTHING to do with my professional life. While I'm not in the public eye, I think it's fair to surmise that many parents would have issues with a swinger teaching their children. Granted, those issues are THEIR problem, and a product of their ignorance, but as I love my job, I simply don't discuss it. The lovely part is that as a sub, my social life never really comes up. I don't socialize with anyone with whom I work. (Though if I were to run into a fellow teacher at a party/club, they'd have as much to lose as I).

As for your situation, I believe Edison put it best. Ask 'em what they think the lifestyle/swinging is, and educate them on misinterpretations. Since you have so little in common with the folks in your area anyway, what've you got to lose?

=)

What an thought-invoking post. In my case, my sexual life has NOTHING to do with my professional life. While I'm not in the public eye, I think it's fair to surmise that many parents would have issues with a swinger teaching their children. Granted, those issues are THEIR problem, and a product of their ignorance, but as I love my job, I simply don't discuss it. The lovely part is that as a sub, my social life never really comes up. I don't socialize with anyone with whom I work. (Though if I were to run into a fellow teacher at a party/club, they'd have as much to lose as I).

 

As for your situation, I believe Edison put it best. Ask 'em what they think the lifestyle/swinging is, and educate them on misinterpretations. Since you have so little in common with the folks in your area anyway, what've you got to lose?

 

=)

In all honesty, the people I'd likely have that conversation with aren't people I care much to converse with one way or the other. So, it's just not worth the effort. For instance, the woman I mention in my earlier reply has obviously very different views on most everything than I have, so there's no way I'd even try to have that conversation with her. The best I might have done was what another friend of hers did and simply reply with "yeah those discussions are best had in private". It's about picking your battles.

Where it is difficult is with those whom you do consider friends on some level (or you'd like to consider friends). It's hard to really develop friendships when you keep so much of yourself private. A key part of developing friendships (studies show) is sharing "secrets", sharing bits about yourself that you don't give out to just anyone. It's probably hard for others to see, who don't have as much of their world wrapped into swinging as I do, but when you have so much of your life that revolves around swinging (or anything that many might find offensive/ questionable/etc) it becomes very hard to find things to share. While others can talk about work with their friends "oh you wont believe what my co-worker did!" or even answer the question "what do you do for a living", those basic conversations become very difficult for me. I have a very vague answer when people ask me what I do for a living. If they start asking more pressing questions I turn the subject to something else. Sometimes I think it's what a secret agent might feel like, living a double life. It makes it very difficult to have real friends rather than acquaintances when it's so difficult to establish commonalities or really share who you are.

Thanks for posting this. Even as a newbie, I have often thought of this subject. I am very proud of the courageous people that are able to put their lives out there and are able to deal with the backlash in a healthy way. I, however, do not think I'm one of those people. Not even my closest friends (10 years or more) know about my swinging lifestyle. I even KNOW that they wouldn't judge me, but I just don't want to put myself out there. I think they have a pretty good idea that I am bisexual (one of my best friends is a gay man, and I'm even nervous about telling him I'm bisexual lol!!). I believe most of it comes down to my own perceived notions of who I should be based on "society standards". I will never be able to "come out" until I can say to myself that I am 100% ok with who I am. There are some days when I just want to scream to the world "I LIKE SEX! GET OVER IT OR GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER!" but I think it will be a while before I get there.

That's understandable. I've been fortunate to have plenty of vanilla interests to share with others. Then again, our livelihoods don't revolve around swinging, either. I wish I had better advice for you.

That's understandable. I've been fortunate to have plenty of vanilla interests to share with others. Then again' date=' our livelihoods don't revolve around swinging, either. I wish I had better advice for you.[/quote']

 

Luckily, our livelihoods don't revolve around swinging, or we'd be screwed. Pet has that covered, which allows me to keep my focus here.

I think living a lie is too harsh to describe most people swinging. Most people outside of my family and a few friends don't know I'm an atheist either.

Now if I were the Priest, I'd be living a lie. Instead its just information I see no reason to share with people.

If I were a marriage counselor and in my sessions spoke about the important of monogamy as the only way to a happy marriage, I'd be living a lie as well.

My public face is the same as swinging has no impact on it.