You are obviously a warm and caring person or you would not worry about others "taking it to heart." Guys are usually accustomed to being turned down/rebuffed/whatever the word. The "cutest" girl in high school looked at us as a maggot. It happens.

Still, despite your protestations and wishes otherwise, a rejection is one of the most personal things ever. When someone says, "... but don't take it personally," it is about rejecting ME! Dammit! It is personal. But here is the situation--definitely a thing that if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. If you seek out others in the lifestyle, and you can't graciously understand that chemistry sometimes happens and sometimes doesn't, that you have to make an effort beyond looking buff, that you need to actually care about someone from time to time despite the risk, then you need to reassess the lifestyle.

Worn

I don't like having to turn down friendly people either, but chemistry is a funny thing. It's either there, or it's not. And in my case, being able to talk to someone plays a significant part in the level of chemistry present.

It's not easy to tell folks you're not interested, but I do think it's kinder than leading them on (I'm not saying you do that).

=)

So, if you aren't interested after talking for a few seconds, minutes or hours, what do you say?

You tell them the truth...tactfully of course. You acknowledge that even though you think they are nice people, there is no spark or the required levels of chemistry to move toward play. You can either tell them that even though you won't play (if you are OK with this next bit) that you see at least a common trait in the sense that you could remain on friendly terms or friendly. If they are open to that, great, but if not, then move on! There's plenty of other people for you to meet just as they will find others to meet. No bad feelings towards the other couple etc. it's never easy saying no, but that's one of the great aspects of the LS. Everyone has the right to make their own journey throughout this journey according to their conscience. :-)

We have a number of friends that we don't play with, but love to talk to. I guess our "friends" on swingersboard kind of qualify as that right? Sort of?

We've been in this situation so many times. All you can do is be honest. I posted a blog last month about a situation similar to this, that could have gotten really sticky, but the other couple was just awesome about it and will remain friends with us.

Prozac nightmare. That is what we had a few weeks ago. this couple we had been trying to get together with finally met us for diner. Finally. We showed and they looked great. They were in shape.. I fell for the woman. But he was so silent the whole time. He had to be on some sort of medication. Who knows. We had to tell them no thanks.. And he took it hard. My wife just could not bring herself to be with a man she had no chemistry with. We just said our truth and moved on.. Well I still think about her.

Nice blog and good topic.