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The Old Gray Mare...
Well, that's what it's starting to feel like. There's been a big change in my libido over the past 6 years. Menopause is a bitch.
We had a house party a couple of weeks ago; I did nothing. That is, I was the perfect hostess, in that I didn't play, but just socialized with my guests all night. This isn't the first house party we've attended in the past year or so where that's happened. Simply too often I am not in the mood. Being 53 can really suck.
PB is having trouble understanding all of this, as he's seen me enjoying myself so much over the 6 years we've been in the LS. He seems to think that all I have to do is decide to play, and I could do it, but even with partners that I know and enjoy, I just can't make that jump. He and I don't even manage much sexy time alone these days, between the hormonal thing and his work schedule.
I don't even dare go the hormonal replacement route; I've got a family history of breast cancer which keeps me away from that. I do have vaginal tablets which are considered uber-safe, but because their effect is basically limited to keeping my vagina from getting dry, it doesn't do much to get me in the mood.
I'm making an effort to turn things around, but it's pretty damn depressing right now. I know I need to lose some weight; I've got the dreaded menopause weight gain on top of everything else. AND I need to get more exercise, although increasing knee problems (the beginnings of arthritis) make that more challenging too. I've started taking l-arginine, magnesium, zinc, B vitamins, after doing some web research on the topic, but it's going to take time. And I'll still have the fucking hot flashes.
On top of everything else, we got a message today from a couple that is in our circle of house party friends asking if we wanted to get together with them. Even if I was in the mood, I wouldn't, because there is no attraction for me at all there. But it's a pain in the ass to have to send the thanks, but no thanks email.
There. I've vented. Who knows, the hormonal roller coaster could have me ready to rumble tomorrow. It's all part of the mystery of life.
Update: The roller coaster came through for me. We went and had dinner at our BLF's (Best Lifestyle Friends) and after
some time around the campfire ended up on their king-size bed having an excellent time. So there's hope for the old gal yet!
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