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Loss of Excitement
I've debated about putting this in the normal forum posts or putting this in the blog. Obviously, I've decided on the latter because it's more about how I currently feel versus a "problem" that I want to present and gain insight to fix.
For about 6 months, I would say that my excitement for swinging has waned quite a bit. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure how. But whenever we have a free night to go out, I find myself preferring to spend the time with just Mr. Sun. But we usually go out to a swing party anyways because it sounds more interesting than the normal dinner and movie date...not to mention that our date gets extended to quite a few hours more. The majority of the time, I do enjoy the conversation with others at the parties but sometimes the lead up to playing feels contrived or forced or expected. Perhaps this is just my mind playing tricks on me. I just haven't been all that satisfied with the "one-night stand" type of play. However, when we are in the middle of swapping or playing, I do have a general good time. While we were out last night, a thought crossed my mind--maybe swinging isn't for me. There just seems to be something missing. Some might suggest that we should form a friendship with couples. Others might warn us away because it could lead to more emotional attachment. I've always been open to the former but considering how hard it has been to find the time to go out at all, I can't imagine having the time to cultivate a friendship with a couple at this time.
I've also been wondering if I'm suffering from mild depression or a general unhappiness, at the very least. Without getting too specific, I went through a personal loss last year, followed by a procedure that I may not have been mentally prepared for considering how soon the loss occurred prior. Overall, I haven't really put an effort into exercising, eating healthy, or doing anything that would really improve my health. I've even been less interested in sex the past few months. There are days when I feel like I'm trying to "self-medicate" myself with food or minor distractions like playing games or reading books. I know I need to get myself back to exercising and eating healthy but I know that even those can be a form of distraction for me.
Or I could be completely wrong about all of this. Maybe I'm just lazy when it comes to exercise and eating. Maybe I'm just bored. Maybe it's a phase. All I know is that I haven't really been feeling that desire to swing lately.
**I have been having the hardest time pressing the "Post Now" button. I don't think this is all that wearing-my-heart-on-my-sleeves kind of post but considering that this is a swingers forum...maybe I'm afraid of how this all might be construed.
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