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Loss of Excitement

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sunbuckus

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I've debated about putting this in the normal forum posts or putting this in the blog. Obviously, I've decided on the latter because it's more about how I currently feel versus a "problem" that I want to present and gain insight to fix.

 

For about 6 months, I would say that my excitement for swinging has waned quite a bit. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure how. But whenever we have a free night to go out, I find myself preferring to spend the time with just Mr. Sun. But we usually go out to a swing party anyways because it sounds more interesting than the normal dinner and movie date...not to mention that our date gets extended to quite a few hours more. The majority of the time, I do enjoy the conversation with others at the parties but sometimes the lead up to playing feels contrived or forced or expected. Perhaps this is just my mind playing tricks on me. I just haven't been all that satisfied with the "one-night stand" type of play. However, when we are in the middle of swapping or playing, I do have a general good time. While we were out last night, a thought crossed my mind--maybe swinging isn't for me. There just seems to be something missing. Some might suggest that we should form a friendship with couples. Others might warn us away because it could lead to more emotional attachment. I've always been open to the former but considering how hard it has been to find the time to go out at all, I can't imagine having the time to cultivate a friendship with a couple at this time.

 

I've also been wondering if I'm suffering from mild depression or a general unhappiness, at the very least. Without getting too specific, I went through a personal loss last year, followed by a procedure that I may not have been mentally prepared for considering how soon the loss occurred prior. Overall, I haven't really put an effort into exercising, eating healthy, or doing anything that would really improve my health. I've even been less interested in sex the past few months. There are days when I feel like I'm trying to "self-medicate" myself with food or minor distractions like playing games or reading books. I know I need to get myself back to exercising and eating healthy but I know that even those can be a form of distraction for me.

 

Or I could be completely wrong about all of this. Maybe I'm just lazy when it comes to exercise and eating. Maybe I'm just bored. Maybe it's a phase. All I know is that I haven't really been feeling that desire to swing lately.

 

**I have been having the hardest time pressing the "Post Now" button. I don't think this is all that wearing-my-heart-on-my-sleeves kind of post but considering that this is a swingers forum...maybe I'm afraid of how this all might be construed.

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Hi Sunbuckus. I know you aren't here looking for answers or even replies. I just wanted to voice my support for your feelings. As a guy, I would assume that I wouldn't have the issues you describe but I do. I think for me, one of the biggest turn ons is the anticipation of meeting and having sex with someone. Once that piece of excitement is missing, I have a hard time getting out the door.

We put ourselves out there looking for fulfillment and excitement. Once we no longer get that rush, we have to wonder if it's worth the trouble.

You mention that you go out even if you aren't feeling up to it. Are you starting to feel like you are taking one for the team every week? Are you starting to feel any resentment towards mr sunbukus for always wanting to go out? Is he aware of your feelings?

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JandK, thank you for your comment! We don't go out every week. Lately it has been once a month or every other month so it's not really that frequent. And the only way I've been "taking one for the team" is going out to swing when I'm feeling dubious about the whole thing. I haven't felt any resentment toward him because I do understand the excitement about going out and seeing couples we know and meeting new people. Sometimes it feels like I'm getting too selective or there doesn't seem to be anyone that I'm sexually attracted to when we go out. Then I start to worry if this pickiness is starting to frustrate Mr. Sun.

 

We have talked about all of this several times but when we finally get a night out, it's usually back to checking the calendar for a party to attend.

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Imagine your favorite food.

 

Eat it every day.

 

Its no longer all that great.

 

I think the reason we have had longevity in the lifestyle is we do not play very often. Play dates are exciting, not just another Saturday. Its always a bit fresh.

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We get where you're coming from. I think a lot of us go through these phases where it just isn't as fun as it once was. For me, the times I have had the worst attitude about swinging is when I have had a pretty negative attitude about myself. That has been the same for Mrs two4you as well. Whenever we're in a personal funk, whether physical, emotional, stress, or a combination of multiple things, swinging seems more like a chore, or something else on the list.

 

No answers here. No advice. Just a reply to say, "We get it". ;)

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Chicup, I often wonder how much frequency factors in but we haven't really been swinging all that much lately, at least that's how it seems to me and I know Mr. Sun definitely feels that way. Perhaps taking the next couple of months might be good.

 

Thanks, two4youinswva, for the reply. :) You make a lovely point and I'm sure it showed when we went out.

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I don't think this is all that wearing-my-heart-on-my-sleeves kind of post but considering that this is a swingers forum...maybe I'm afraid of how this all might be construed.
Even when worn on a sleeve, it's a beautiful heart.

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