PING......YOU GOT MALE!

It was February 2005, I walked out of the hospital after giving birth to my sunshine, strapped her in the car seat and made my way home. Still carrying my extra 15kg, my body a little stretch marked with stitches in places I'd rather there hadn't been. My Boobs the size of watermelons and eyes that looked like i'd been at a trance party all weekend sniffing my way to euforia.

I'd always been size 6 to 8, always had flawless skin and was 173cm. I looked great...so people told me! The woman that walked out that morning was a size 12, a sagging, battered and bruised size 12. But I was approaching 30 and had never in my life felt sexier. The beast had awoken in me and she was hungry. She was famished, laying dormant like a sleeping dragon way down in the depths of her cave, coming out only occasionally for snacks. For all those years possibly weighed down with all the emotional baggage that had come with a previous very turbulant, toxic relationship. When someone makes you feel like nothing for long enough you tend to carry on the dialogue for yourself even when that someone is long gone.

My other bright spark came along 2.5 years later. Again I left the hospital feeling like wonder woman which felt exhilarating since I think I had only had sex with Mr G 4 times in the previous 9 months. I think even attempting it would have been a great feat since I was the size of a whale whose hormones had gone through the roof...poor Mr G!

We went home, our family now complete and began our journey as mum and dad to our two little ones. The years rolled by. The toddlers in the house took all of our time, all of our space and most of the momey too. We embraced it though. Our wedding vowels to eachother were simple, just one line, no airs and graces, no pledges of love or cherishing just 6 simple words 'Chose one and make it work!' We had met travelling in India 2 years or so before our first child, a whirlwind, hot, steamy, romance, we had felt like we were in a movie. And we were making it work, our children were happy and healthy, our mealtimes fun, family, feasts, and we had amazing friends and family. There was just one problem...

We had forgotten all about eachother! The beast was awake and demanded attention. Mr G was tired, a hard working, dedicated man who would do anything for us and who would get home after his long day and put his feet up.

What was I going to do with this fire burning inside me? Was this it? Was the party over? Had we had our time? So by now I'm approaching 37 and awake for the first time in years, but finding our way back to one another seemed like a journey in itself. I had never initiated sex, and had stopped making too much of an effort some time ago. And as the days rolled into weeks I found myself wondering maybe he doesn't like me anymore. It wasn't good enough! I wanted more and for the first time ever felt like I deserved more, I was a 30 something sex bomb.

I was a teacher back then and one of my colleagues was having a whirlwind romance with a guy she had met online form Europe. I remember the days going into school and seeing her beem with light, the 'sexy' just oozed from her. He lived in another country so their interactions were, sexting, camera sex and phone sex...I remember the day she went to do a nude photo shoot and I swear, I wanted to fuck her myself when she came out, she was on fire! Secretly I was curious and a little bit envious too, I wanted that feeling. She would explain that hearing the 'ping' of her cell phone during mid morning break was enough to get her so wet and worked up without even reading the message. I wanted that! I wanted that stomache churning, gush. I wanted that excitement.

So one day we went shopping together and spent the morning in tattoo parlours ( she was getting her clit pierced) underwear shops and sex shops followed by lunch. So I asked her, 'How do I get Mr G to give that to me.' Smilling she said 'it's easy, start texting him!' 'No' I protested, 'he's busy, he won't be into it, his English isn't so good and he'll think i'm a freak!' but something had to be done. Toruk Makto was awake and looking for naked flesh! So on the way home we sent my very first sext, it felt so naughty just the idea of it and it turned my on! The idea was to ask questions in the text in order to get him to respond, so I asked him 'Which part of my body do you want first darling?'....silence, nothing, an hour went by and nothing! I was right, he's not into me anymore! 'send another one' she said. I took her advice and did, this time texting about my hot, soft, smooth, wet body and asking him what he wants to do to me. ...but silence...again nothing! What was I going to do? He would be home in a few hours and I would have to face the music! I didn't have to wait a few hours though, shortly after, I recieved a phone call from Mr G who was livid and shocked at my brazeness. 'what the hell are you doing woman, are you trying to embarrass me?' 'I am in a meeting' he said. Oh dear, what have I done!!! Upset and embarrassed, I turn to me friend and tell her that it's all gone wrong and all i've down is push him further away? 'send another one' she said. 'keep sending and don't stop!' I thought she was crazy but did it anyway, hell what did I have to lose, the game had begun, the ball was rolling. I didn't recieve any text back from Mr G, just that one discruntled phonecall. That evening on hearing the familier bleep of his car alarm, my stomach is like a washing machine. There was no 'Hey darling how was your day' as his key turned in the door. There was no fun, happy mealtime for the family that night either. The kids were fed in relative silence, oblivious to mummies heat and none the wiser as to why daddy wasn't so hungry. The only feast that was had that evening was me...For starters, main course and dessert. After the tention in the air had given way to the lust, I was devoured. I was taken in every which way possible and I loved it. The beast had been fed, she was at peace....for now anyway

Now when I hear the 'ping'.......you know!