The other side of the coin could be worse, especially for hubby. In my world, my wife is unaware for the most part, of the word 'no'. I get the feeling she is taking one for me, about every time. Yes, rejection is painful. But looking at your spouse doing something that she may or may not be wanting to do right now is just as screwed up. What damage am I doing to her? Will she tell me? Hell no, she says it's fine, having fun yada yada, well I hope so.

For your sake, for his sake, be honest. You'll both appreciate it and concerning the rejected couple, you are such a sweetheart. I'm sure you are able to let someone down and make them feel great about it.

I find myself in the same predicament sometimes where I too will feel guilty and think about how much i've let eveyone down especially Mr G by being the one that says 'no'. But I can only go at my own pace. Mr G can line up 100 dates and i'll say no to all of them untill i'm ready. I've also noticed it has something to do with the style. This is something I remember you telling me a long while ago. you may have read my thread on instincts. I can safely say that is probably the last party I will attend because if i'm honest they're just not my style. And after every party that I have walked out of over the last year or so I remember feeling like i'd let people down and guilty that i'd denied Mr G play. You can only do what turns you on Mrs Sun. I remember saying to Mr G, at the very beginning, "I'm gonna say no more than will yes"

xx

I've never bought into the "test fuck" thing. If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it, and I don't see how that's going to change by doing something you really don't feel like doing.

Actually, a test fuck might screw up any future chance of hooking up, because we have both changed our minds about a couple down the road when we've gotten to know them better, and had successful hookups, sometimes a year or two after the initial meeting (Funny how some folks grow on you when you keep running into them at a club, while others provoke the opposite result).

Saying no does suck, especially when you're the type that likes to please others and hates being the reason for disappointment.

The one thing that would hurt me more than just about anything is hearing that Ms. Gold did something she didn't want to do to try and make me happy. I ALWAYS want to make her happy and knowing that she wasn't happy about something because she was trying to make me happy makes me unhappy (think I can fit 'happy' in there one more time). Don't do anything you don't want to do, it's okay.

Since we cannot know how the other couple will be attractive to us it is very imperative that both halves of a couple know themselves as to what is attractive to them. Going on looks alone severely limits your options. Mannerisms, attitudes, gestures, body language are all components of the meet. And they have to meet the requirements. If they don't meet the requirements do not play.

Know what you like - be able to express it clearly. What are you sexually attracted to? What are your turnoffs, your turn ons? What makes you go OOOHHHHH NOOOOO!!! and hold up crossed fingers.

Know why you like what you like. But also be open to new experiences. I want to say never judge a book by it's cover.

Know yourself and learn to communicate that to the other couple. They will appreciate it. And they may learn something from it. And later on they might yet be ready for you to play with them and them play with you. A No is not a permanent thing.

Since I have not done this just yet - the usual feelings of trepidation would usually be present and the discovery process. The getting to know you process can be time consuming and somewhat frustrating. I - myself, know it takes me a while to warm up to people and then I still stand guard on my thoughts as sometimes I let them slip and it is not a good occurrence to strangers.

Lastly drop your expectations, all of them including fear of loss. By saying NO you are saving them from a potential Drama.

And always remember that we men want you to be satisfied and at ease. Taking one for the team is not in that description.