"Watch me suck his dick baby" is not a phrase I ever dreamed uttering to my husband just before I wrapped my mouth around a virtual stranger's cock. Not in a ever did I think that. The nerdy girl I grew up as wouldn't fathom sex with another man while her loving spouse watched adoringly from the other couch.

I grew up conservatively and was taught sex was something you had with one other person. I don't mean one at a time, I mean period. You got married and that was it. Body shaming was common place and skin was to be covered. This was painfully apparent to me on prom night my senior year. My dress looked like a table cloth hate fucked a garbage bag, which then birthed the garment my mother called a dress (The punchline is that I lost my virginity that night despite the boner killing rag I wore.).

Sex on prom night was by far the craziest sexual adventure I had participated in high school. My sexual exploits were limited to silent masturbation sessions in my room to Mulder as he and Scully explored the super natural. I spent most of my nights reading in my room. I dared not even fantasize about the "hot guys" in school for fear they would somehow be aware and chastise my delusions of grandeur. I found a boy to call my other who was just as geeky and awkward as I was. We dated in secret for two years in high school before we fumbled our way out of virginhood on prom night. We never even saw each other naked. The lights were off and I insisted on being under covers the entire time. It hurt and was over in a matter of minutes. I brushed my teeth that night longer than the sex lasted. I preferred my finger and a X Files rerun. We broke up shortly after and I cried because I thought I was a slut since I'd allowed this guy to blow out the flame of my virginity candle and wouldn't be exchanging nuptials with.

In college, I learned about a little thing called nutrition and lost my chubs. I was whittled down to a curvy figure that men actually looked at. I was still awkward as hell but hey, at least I was doable!

Fast forward to my marriage. My conservative sexual repression remained, but I was open to trying more. I wanted so badly to grow as a person in that way. I wanted to feel sexy for myself as well as my hubs. I no longer wanted to condemn myself to feeling shame for desiring sex. We did the best we could to expand our horizons. I thought we were doing well until a groundbreaking revelation appeared. I found the cuckold porn my husband watched on the computer.

To keep things concise, I cried and got angry. We fought and I judged. I shamed him and he cried. We talked countless times. I reevaluated my reaction and shamed myself for being closed minded. We talked a ton. Fantasized together. Then role played. Finally met a guy and consummated our cuckoldry.

The evolution of porn discovery to real extramarital sex was about two years. We used toys during sex to simulate another guy. However, grinding on a dildo in preparation for swinger-type sex is like training for Olympic Bobsledding by going inter-tubing.

During this phase, I found out how deep my husband's fantasy was embedded into his sexual identity. Voyeuristic thrills grew into cuckold needs that remained as a constant in his fantasies. His excitement during role play inspired me to awaken my inner hotwife.

Once I realized this whole thing wasn't a ploy for him to fuck other women, we advanced it. We made a profile on a sex site just to see what would happen. Much to my surprise, we got lots of responses! Granted, ninety-nine percent of the messages were vile filth from immature and clearly sexually inexperienced males. Still, it was a lovely confidence booster.

My husband sifted through the rubble and finally dug out a gem. We were both excited...........