Just need to get these gripes outta my system....crazed can't stay faithful when there is distance between us. He does not keep his rendezvous from me for long and usually tells me everything. He is weak. I am considering making this much easier by giving him an ongoing hall pass providing he follow some very simple rules I will make to help keep my security needs. I don't see his pattern being like others that I have read about. when I read about serial cheaters...he doesn't fit in except in one way. the distance keeps him from feeling connected and he goes looking for connection...we may have figured out that I just need to be available via phone for long talks when he is off work while out of town...but what about the days when I just can't be on the phone with him? I find myself getting aroused while asking about details of his affair...and I think a hall pass might eliminate the awful ache in my heart while listening to his story and make it a shared experience with hot reclamation sex instead of betrayal. I feel this way because I wasn't as upset this time since part of me was expecting his affair. I had given him an unspoken pass....neither of us were aware of it. so this made me dig a little deeper and believe we will change our dating profile to include women and playing separately.

This last time he cheated, he brought me and a swing partner an sti. I made him go get checked and I also was checked. I was so happy it was curable and not one that sticks with you. that would have been terrible. we called our last swing partner and the affair partner and the swing guy said, "I'll get tested and treated, I want to be with you again" The girl acted shocked and He pissed me off sooo bad. He told this girl that we were swingers and Im reading the messages over his shoulder and Im not fast enough to prevent him from sending it. I am pissed. He made it seem to this girl like we were the ones who made her sick. since I had made him get tested each time he has been unfaithful and I hadn't been with anyone else but him since I was last tested negative, it had to be her that gave it to me! I feel she needs to know that. I believe he meant to word things differently and meant to invite her, after treatment, to play with us, something that I am also not sure I was ready to commit to. But it came out very wrong. I have been torn all night. I want to message this girl my self and set the record straight. I want so badly to have her understand that my husband did not place her at risk, but the other way around. But I know this would just be a futile fight with no real closure. typing it up as given me some closure though and I feel better. Did I promise drama? haha. on to the fun!!

when I went to pick up my husband from his out of town job after it ended and he needed a ride home, He had been talking to a coworker about swinging and showing off some of my risque pictures. He asked me what I thought about letting him participate with us and I said I probably wouldn't mind. The idea was in fact, a huge turn on. He just wanted to watch at first.

The coworker was actually not at his room when I got there and missed the first round of sex. we capped that off at the bar where He wanted me to meet his new friend and owner of the little hole in the wall bar he frequented. I didn't get to meet him, but I did meet the bar tender who poured me a special drink we made up on the spot. We named it purple fuck and I don't know what all was in it. whatever the combination, it was potent and I was extremely buzzed. I didn't black out thankfully. we walked back to his room and I was still so horny!! noticing that his friend had just returned from the store, crazed took me over to meet him. he asked me again beforehand if I would want to hook up with him. we ended up naked by the end of the night and we broke all my rules. it was very hot and I have memory lapses where I can't recall how we got from position a to position c but I don't care because what I remember was hot . btw that was the first rule I broke....no alcohol during play. I don't regret it however, because I know the same would have happened even if I was sober. I was looking forward to it when sober. crazed regretted the alcohol as well because he felt like he pushed me into something I wasn't ready for. I feel that it was going to happen without it anyway, the chemistry was there and the desire was there. tonight the coworker starts messaging me right before we got our diagnosis and asking if we can hook up again. we tell him about it, and he agrees that he'll get treated and wants to meet again. I am not against meeting him again. He is willing to travel to our town and get a hotel we can play in. I am thrilled with the idea. Crazed is beside himself with amusement and excitement. He loves joking about me having a boyfriend. since he wants to play with us both....I guess WE have a boyfriend. lol.

The last message I received from him said that the sex was amazing and he wants more. I would like to know what was so amazing because though I didn't completely black out, the details of the night are a bit foggy. I remember enough to know it was hot but there are some things I just can't remember. hoping that he can fill in the empty spaces and we can repeat it very soon. I don't want to repeat the alcohol part though. then again, maybe it wouldn't be too much....would be fun to start the night meeting him in a bar and pretending we didn't know him, dance a little and then head to his room....

omg I need to try and go back to bed....

good night guys Thanks for reading if you got this far....