Jealousy is my drug. For two years I had a husband and a boyfriend who were both monogamous with me.  (I worked hard to keep them satisfied emotionally and physically.)  I was jealous anytime a woman looked at my husband or even complimented him to me.  (He is in shape and good looking.)  One day when with a friend, she said to me that it must be great to be in bed with him.  It still is burned into my mind how jealous I was, and out of my mouth came, "It can be arranged."  At that point I realized 1) there was not going back, I am a woman of my word (plus I knew hubby would a) find her attractive and b) have sex with her if I told him to), and 2) how much I wanted it, to feel what it was I was afraid of.  (Me choosing the woman for him to do this with did give me a sense of control.)

Long story short, they fucked numerous times over several months and I looked forward to it each time with a knot of excitement in my stomach.  Longer story short, we made it a game of dating women together with the ultimate goal of hubby having sex with her and me watching (I wanted to see it!)/participating.  Women were willing to screw hubby, and they did, but most didn't want me there.  Those that did opened me up to my Lesbian side, and one woman, Clair, joined us to make the now four of us a family rather than just a wife with a guy on the side.

Even now, I get jealous and it makes me excited.

@couplers Thank you for your reply. You are right, I should have channeled my feelings in to a hot erotic experience, and I fully plan on doing this if/when the feelings arise again. We have to remember that these feelings are normal feelings but how one handles them makes all the difference in the in relationship.  One thing I have to remember is that while I am a sex coach, I am also in the lifestyle as well and sometimes my brain knows what to do but my automatic responses are not always on point. Thankfully he loves me!

Stephanie

I have a question for you.  You mention alcohol infused.  My other half and I have had more than our share of "moments" which I often attribute to alcohol.  We have a totally peaceful relationship when alcohol is not involved and when we are not in a swing club.

I know people say alcohol makes your true feelings come out.  Do you really think that is true?  I do love her very much but I notice how much I question us as a couple when we have these moments.  She is not to blame, I think we both are when these things happen.  

We are not in the LS but talking about experiencing LS scenarios are some of the hottest fantasies we share.

If I gave in to my jealousy I would not be with my wife. In this manner, jealousy can fuel passion.  The green eyed monster has a cute look.  Talking out my jealousy takes on more the form of developing a fantasy story.  It helps if your partner loves you and laughs it off or enjoys the story and is ready to go afterwards. 

The spiciest fantasy is jealousy driven and as such has me discussing what my most jealous scenario would be.  She does not like the stories too close to home, so they are typically changed a little, e.g., sometimes they take place in Medieval times, in a far distant future, etc.

There is a karma side to jealousy. If you let it be, it will let you be.  The Poly literature says that jealousy is a learned trait which can also be “unlearned”.  I say let it fuel your relationship and there are many ways.  Your point about communication is a great one. 

I always figured that my wife doing something with another partner and/or the way she's doing it is just what she wants from him or her at the time and not from me. It is, in part, a reason why we swing, to get the experience we want from the person who we desire at the time. Particularly when we go out for alone play, one of us wants someone else more than our spouse at that particular time. It's hot for us to talk about afterwards and usually have reclaiming sex. We are happy to give the other that gift.

I was never jealous of my wife and she was not jealous about me. We shared our sexual adventures and we found it a real thrill