My wife says I can swing but she won't

[erotic Eric 0]

My wife says I can swing but she won't 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,421]

Some couples have arrangements like that. Are you thinking about doing it and are you really sire she's OK with it?

[erotic Eric 0]

Yes

 

[erotic Eric 0]

How do I start

[shy_couple 460]

You should tread carefully. 
 

She may be giving you an “it’s fine.” To see if you’ll go for it. Communication is key and if this a test and you fail, could seriously harm your relationship. 
 

single women are unicorns.
 

You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a single guy looking to fuck. 

 

you have to bring your A game. Hygeine and taking care of yourself is way up there. A huge dong can’t hurt. Most of the couple profiles I’ve seen looking for single guys wants 8+ and in shape. 
 

most of all, single guys need to know what a woman or couples want, know their place, and don’t cross boundaries. 
 

you need to be able to communicate with both people and be sincere. If you think that “hey girl, you are so hot…blah, blah, blah” unlikely to get anywhere. Ignoring hubby or making him insecure won’t either. Cuckold porn is hot but unsure how often it plays out in real life. 
 

but starting out, you should try any of the many lifestyle sites. Become a paid member, have something interesting to say and post pics (not your dick). Depending on where you live, some parties host single guys but not all. I would suggest neighboring town to avoid running into anyone you might know. Even if your wife is cool with it, she may not be cool with friend, family, coworkers finding out.  

[couplers 4,717]

Although lifestyle activities need not be symmetric, more than half the fun is having your spouse play. 

 

6 hours ago, shy_couple said:

Communication is key 

I believe that people, especially women, are not monogamous.  You shouldn't try to "convince" your wife to play with other men or women or couples (her choice), but make it clear that you love her and it would make you happy for her to explore her sexuality and satisfy her desires with no need for her to let you play.  Let it be entirely on her terms: where, when, with who, what they do.  Be loving and generous.

 

That's what my husband did with me.  It took two years of me having a boyfriend while hubby didn't play, but then I understood, and wanted him to engage in the lifestyle as well. 

[oldswinger64 113]

Personally, for me, it is her pleasure that excites me.  I would not swing alone.

[NoAngels 349]

We have an open marriage. My Angel meets many more men than I meet women. My only concern is her safety meeting men she meets online. 

[enhancer 1,586]

First of all good luck!  You will need it.  Single guys are a dime a dozen and not very high up in most swingers list.  Married guys playing alone are probably even lower on the list.  Be prepared to make an outstanding profile on whatever site you are using.  With good pictures that are not cock pics and a well written bio.  If you are not in good shape you might want to start working on it.  The competition is huge. Without that you probably will not get any responses.  Also be prepared for people to want your wife to verify that you have permission to play alone.  Lots of guys claim this, but few are being honest.  If you are looking for the easy way there isn’t one.  You will be fighting an uphill battle.  

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Eric, read what has been said above, and read it again...and again and again and again.

 

I would be exceptionally careful in making sure your wife is really onboard with you playing, and she not. If you don't have absolutely 100% open communication, there might be something brewing here that you know nothing about. Heart to heart communication is key here. Why do you want to play? Is there anything in it for her? Why does she want you to play? How will she feel when you come home after just having had sex with another woman? Or, would she get to watch? There's a lot of details here and I'm just scratching the surface.

 

In 15 years, we have bumped into only a single married couple where the husband played but the wife didn't. The wife of the other couple and I really clicked, but she wasn't playing, only her husband was. My wife wasn't interested because the husband smoked. So, nothing happened.

 

Others above are very correct; single guys are very, very, very common in the lifestyle. You are going to have to put together a fantastic profile on a swinger dating such as swinglifestyle.com. And I do mean FANTASTIC. To date, including the subject line and your three posts so far, you've managed to eek out 23 words. My wife and I do look for single males from time to time. But, if we found a profile with 23 words, we'd think "Ok, he's not really into this and hasn't put any effort forward into creating a great profile. Next!" It's trivially easy to discount single male profiles. Don't make it easy. Have a very complete, very detailed profile. Have great pictures, perhaps professionally done. You don't have to be naked in them (and as Shy_Couple said, do NOT include dick picks!), but you do have to look well groomed and in shape. If you don't get them professionally done, don't take selfies in mirrors with your cat's dirty cat pan behind you. Don't take selfies with empty Budweiser cans sitting on your  dresser. Don't take selfies with you unshaven for a day. Etc. Etc. Etc. Be clear about the kind of arrangement you want, what you're up for, what you're comfortable with. Be clear you are married and playing with permission AND CAN PROVE IT. If your wife isn't willing to confirm you are playing with permission, this isn't going to go anywhere.

 

 

 

 

[chimrichalds 11]

[couplers 4,717]

23 hours ago, couplers said:

make it clear that you love her and it would make you happy for her to explore her sexuality and satisfy her desires

I re-read my post and I was wrong. The question is whether your wife is merely allowing you to play or she is excited about you playing. If she is turned on by you having sex with other women, then I suggest that she help address the problem identified above by other posters of too many unaccompanied men in the lifestyle and too few women by her facilitating your quest for other female sex partners.

 

Specifically, your wife can identify women among her friends and acquaintances that may be looking for a partner for casual sex and be a matchmaker. That’s what I did when I got over my jealousy after having a boyfriend but not wanting my husband to play.

 

Long story short, I had many horny female friends who were unmarried at that time (although some had boyfriends and one was engaged) and in their late teens to well into their thirties. The topic often turned to sex in our conversations, and if she said anything about my husband being attractive, I would say that he finds you attractive too. Interest by her in my husband would be met with “It can be arranged, and I would be flattered.”  Many of those took me up on the offer not only because he was attractive, but also because he was my husband, a known, safe man. 

 

Other women David and I “dated” together where I created the atmosphere and opportunities for her to have my husband. We took her to dinner, concerts, plays, even vacations, paying for everything and never expecting anything.  Some of those women slept with hubby.

 

There was never a one-off. It was comfortable enough for all to continue for a while. College girls just looking for sex with a nice guy, women with boyfriends looking for extra, a last fling before the ring, single mothers who hadn’t had any fun for a while, I babysat while they went on a date and had sex.

 

So if your wife is like I was at that point in our marriage/lifestyle, it may be a fun way to go for her and make it all possible. 

 

 

 

 

 

[MrMrsswinger 205]

On 4/14/2024 at 6:47 PM, erotic Eric said:

My wife says I can swing but she won't 

Wow, with that much information you'll get all sorts of good responses.

 

I would say your wife is indifferent to you being with other women, thus is indifferent to your marriage. She no longer cares what you do and is planning on leaving the marriage. She's hoping you swinging will alleviate the endless burden of you pushing swinging on her. 

 

And, as a single male trying to swing, I agree with the others. There are too many to count. A dime a dozen. You better be bringing something physically ridiculous to the table and bring a personality that charms both the husband and wife. We've encountered a thousand single men (probably more) in our time in the lifestyle. 99.9% are clowns. One a swinger site there'll be so many, all with magazine cover physiques, large members and some game. It is exhausting dealing with them. It is easy to eliminate someone because there are 500 in line after them. You'll be part of that group. Good luck.

 

If you're willing to swing without your wife, assume your marriage is over and join one of the hookup apps. You'll do much better there than in the swinger community as a single (and married) male.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

chimrichalds: I was looking for that same jpg.

[herpob 573]

On 4/16/2024 at 9:39 AM, MrMrsswinger said:

If you're willing to swing without your wife, assume your marriage is over and join one of the hookup apps. You'll do much better there than in the swinger community as a single (and married) male.

100% agree with joining a hookup app will work better for you.

 

We assume you've exhausted all avenues with your wife sexually and are not satisfied?

 

I know neither of us will ever swing without the other somehow being a part of it. 

[marla&brian 50]

we've joked about a "hall pass". But we are still at the point if one gets to do it the other should as well.