Are the people from the Swingers Board the "norm" in swinging or the exception?

[jcbicouple 24]

I'm talking about this board and the members here. When you realize that we all seem to run into "problem" people it makes you wonder......Are we really the minorities in the swinging world? I like to think we aren't, but sometime I wonder. Is this where all the good swingers end up? After we've been through the web boards, forums, ads and found nowhere else we were comfortable? Think about it: Everyone here is open minded, and even though we aren't always in agreement we have enough intelligence to discuss issues, and agree to disagree. The majority are kind and understanding to newcomers and people with issues (including singles). We seem to all connect in some way, and get along even though there's a very wide array of sexual preferences: Open marraiges, same room swap, straight couples, bi couples, male half bi couples, female half bi couples, and just as wide of a variety on the expectations and comfort levels in the bedroom. Yet, We all talk to these Couples and singles that are rude and can't back down even after we tell them No or we aren't interested. Pushy people that follow you around. Needy people that want the emotional support of our spouses. Couples that don't like each other. People that try to push people beyond their comfort level. I can go on but you know what I mean! Are we really the majority or minority in the swinging world?

 

Edited to add: We love this board! Where else can you go and discuss anything that's on your mind? From sex to party snacks!

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Since most of the swingers we "Know" are on this board I would say we are not the minority.

 

I think MOST people who are HONEST about themselves & their swinging find this site to be the best place on the web to discuss anything & everything.

 

We also LOVE this place!!

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Is this where all the good swingers end up?

If not, it must be darn close to it.

 

I have thought a lot about this very topic over the past few months. Like the Naughtys, the board is my closest contact with swingers.

 

Through the swinger ad sites we are on you get only a glimpse of people. And thankfully, our experience on the sites has been positive. I was frightened once by a contact; he sent a very evil photo of himself attached to a strange email. Our profile states we aren't seeking single men--evil or otherwise .

 

Only one other time did we have an unusual experience. We upset someone when we tried to give a little helpful advice. He replied with a nasty email. That is a story I'll have to share in another thread sometime.

 

I would like to think we boardies are the majority in the swinging world.

 

Time and experience may tell a different story.

 

LM

[good times 991]

While I feel that the majority of people on this board are great, we know a lot of swingers that aren't here and they are a pretty good batch of people too compared to the rest of society, in my opinion. So I would have to say we pretty much represent a typical cross section of the swinging community overall.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I voted that we are the minority...

 

But - I am not so sure that it is because we somehow end up here as much as it is that we actually end up developing a bit of philosophy about what we do, why we do it and how we go about it all.

 

I am not so sure that seperate from a community like this that we, personally, would be so comfortable with the lifestyle. If the only chance we had to actually talk about it was those occassional long conversations with couples at the club - I think we'd simply go about things like a bull in a china shop...

 

This type of community makes swingers sharper, smarter, deeper thinkers with a better overall view of the people that are out there - what they think about - how they feel - etc. It makes us, for lack of a better word, more compassionate and empathetic to the people we meet. And it forces us to sit back and realize that some very intelligent people do things that we would never consider - or would consider "wrong" - and we have to ask ourselves, what can we learn from them?

 

I guess the swinger's board, in particular, tends to be a place where we all can "meditate" on the lifestyle. It makes us "experts" quickly and helps us avoid a lot of the pitfalls that we have watched a lot of couples stumble through...

 

Does any of that make sense?

 

Spoomonkey

[Miss_Piggy 98]

So this leads to another question. Is it that thoughtful swingers find this board? or does the board make more thoughtful swingers? or is a combination of both?

[EvilMJ 65]

You read my mind!! (most people would think that is a bad thing). I often wonder about this as where I live there isn't excatly a 'swinger' culture that I am aware of. I don't have any contact with any other swingers and I have yet to convince hubby dear to use the internet to find people. So other than this board I feel pretty Isolated.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

I'm talking about this board and the members here. When you realize that we all seem to run into "problem" people it makes you wonder......Are we really the minorities in the swinging world? I like to think we aren't, but sometime I wonder. Is this where all the good swingers end up?

Is it that thoughtful swingers find this board? or does the board make more thoughtful swingers?

Our theory is that these "problem" people discover our beloved Swingers Board just as much as any other site, but because of the unique design of the board and the vigilance of its moderators, the most thoughtful swingers among us end up being the most active participants while the troublemakers are weeded out very quickly.

[fun_pairTX 26]

We agree with Greg and Sheryl. While a true demographic crosses the threshold here, those that are more introspective tend to remain while the rest file out when they discover that this is not really a place to "hook up". We are all very lucky to have the structure and moderators that we have to keep it that way.

[wrnakedru 38]

Don't you feel at times that we have developed our own little village in the midst of a mad, mad world? I have thought at times "Wouldn't it be great if we all DID live in one place?"

 

Not that I think we'd be partying our butts off with one another ... (although that's a thought ...) After all, there's a wide variety of methods, styles and tastes amongst us. But there is an acceptance of those differences with an emphasis on those things which we hold in common without allowing the differences to become divisive.

 

Perhaps what many have said is the case is what rings most true - that those who stay here are more instrospective and examining of how they live their lives. Certainly a viewing of the world in general would bear it out. There are those who are where they are and live their lives as they do simply because the tides have carried them there. And then there are those who have taken the time and effort to put at least one oar in the water and do some steering , recognizing the choices are ours to make.

 

So I guess my vote is (sadly) we are the minority - we are in the group who live "examined" lives. Not sad to BE in that grouping, just sad that not more realize the choices are theirs.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think we actually see a pretty good cross-section of swingers here. We do get our share of those who probably fit into the "problem" category, but they don't stick around for obvious reasons. And there are plenty more just lurking that fit in who knows where. So while those who are most active do fit the description you gave, I think we have just as many "around" here who don't really fit it - we just don't hear from them as often. SO I don't really think it's a minority or a majority that you see on this board.

 

MHO

[omneesx 15]

So while those who are most active do fit the description you gave, I think we have just as many "around" here who don't really fit it - we just don't hear from them as often.

MHO

 

We lurkers agree.

[misterbates 3]

I think most people in the lifestyle encounter the same problems..after all swinging in general can stir up alot of trouble in a relationship..i mean think about it...l you are dealing with ego's,emotions,jealousy,and a whole range of things that can go wrong...what sets this board & the people on it apart is the ability and willingness to communicate and talk through the problems instead of just bottling it up or running away from it (thats also why we can get along to a certain degree even though there are many many different types of people here)

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This thread made me smile and it brought to mind how often I've thought (and now my Pet agrees) - why is that all the really great swingers we've met live too damn far away! And yes they are all people we've met through here. Whenever I leave a meetup I'm sad that all those great folks don't live closer.

[cocpl2007 170]

Ditto Julie

[fun4Ds 1,098]

We are happy that the people here share their thoughts and ideas. We learned alot out there, that we share here.

 

Today Im thinking its simple, we just need a damn air plane:lol:

[sweet_tna 680]

Here's the thing. I've met some great folks in the lifestyle, some of whom I do feel comfortable talking openly about the stuff we discuss here. But for some situations, it's good to get a broader perspective.

 

I too wish we lived a bit closer to some of ya'll . . .

 

=)

[iapr 24]

This is kind of an interesting thread and thanks to Julie for bumping it back up.

 

My thoughts on this are that the people that often post their thoughts and questions on this board are the "THINK TANK" of the swinging community.

 

Folks here pose personal and legitimate questions and then others will thoughtfully consider the questions and then offer their honest thoughts on the matter. No one claims to be right and disagreements definately do break out and it isn't alway pretty. Not only that but the thoughts and advice offered are not always what people want to hear.

 

For me what separates this board from all the others out there is that this does not have a hook-up feature and it is not a meet market. While I agree that there are people on here I would like to meet and do believe we would become friends I believe the fact that I will most likely NOT meet any of the people here keeps my thoughts pure and honest.

 

I frequently do post on a local site that we are on but I say things here and offer thoughts and questions here that I would NEVER say on that site because I realize that I will most likely not meet anyone here in the flesh.

 

What I say on our local hook-up site is way watered down and politically correct compared to what I say here due to the fact that people do not often like to hear what I have to say or how I say it and will not hop into bed with me because of that:lol:

 

I pose questions here that I would not pose around people that know me as I do not want to show my own insecurities and hang ups to my prospective bed partners and I offer opinions and advice here that is often not polically correct and I offer what I see are truths that are sometimes down right ugly.

 

So while I may really want to meet some of you the truth is when I pose a question I want your honest and pure answer even if it hurts my feelings or pisses me off. I don't want you to edit yourself or water down your answer because you don't want to harm your chances of scoring the next time you go out.

 

conversely I want to give you the same respect and honor when I you pose a question and I want you feel confident that I am giving you my honest thoughts as well.

[sweet_tna 680]

So while I may really want to meet some of you the truth is when I pose a question I want your honest and pure answer even if it hurts my feelings or pisses me off. I don't want you to edit yourself or water down your answer because you don't want to harm your chances of scoring the next time you go out.

 

An excellent point. My problem is I'm not good at the watering down thing, even in person. Gets me into trouble sometimes. Then again, if someone eliminates me as a choice for a potential bed partner because of my honesty, we're both better off.

 

=)

[des1re06 200]

 

It's getting harder to find couples who have no issues or drama, we might be in the minority. We're not perfect, but there is no drama with us.

 

So glad we can come here and discuss issues that arise.

 

 

Mrs. D

[good times 991]

So while I may really want to meet some of you the truth is when I pose a question I want your honest and pure answer even if it hurts my feelings or pisses me off. I don't want you to edit yourself or water down your answer because you don't want to harm your chances of scoring the next time you go out.

You know, when we started going to swingers board meet ups and meeting folks we have come to know as friends from the board, we had this same worry. Turns out that we were worried for nothing. We have now met a quite a few people from the board and it has yet to change the way we post our thoughts. Nor have we noticed any change in the thoughts posted by others we know personally.

 

I guess we just realize the we will not always agree with each other and have gotten to know our friends here well enough over the years to appreciate their honest opinion even if we don't always agree with it.

[goindown692010 15]

most ppl on boards are very communicative genrally..thoes types of ppl are the understanding ones who listen to what ppl are telling them..

 

"if all else fails, spell it out"

[goindown692010 15]

in response to tna...to hell with watering down...be yourself...if someone doesnt like you for you...then um they can go fly a kite..so to speak...

 

we are not a minority as generally ppl are good...but in every bundle of cherries theres always a rotten one..just throw that one away and move on

[sweet_tna 680]

in response to tna...to hell with watering down...be yourself...if someone doesnt like you for you...then um they can go fly a kite..so to speak...

 

we are not a minority as generally ppl are good...but in every bundle of cherries theres always a rotten one..just throw that one away and move on

 

Yep, my point exactly!

Then again, if someone eliminates me as a choice for a potential bed partner because of my honesty, we're both better off.

 

=)

[Guest ic7175]

I can't say if you are the norm. I can say that is very valuable to have the board so others can get a feel for what the "swinger compass" points towards.

 

I've been a long time lurker, even prior to registering, and have learned a lot about the lifestyle. In our case it helped us understand that we probably aren't swingers. We do things that swingers tend to frown upon, soft swing play with friends and being exclusive. But we honestly can't see either of us being comfortable swinging at a party with people we just met.

 

I understand the issues people have faced with the friends thing but we find that we are more comfortable with the idea that we have a couple that we are in a FWB situation. That seems to more closely match our desires than swinging.

 

A decade ago, my wife and I visited a swing club for the free tour, so it's not that we aren't willing to consider swinging. We were looking into a BiF at that time and never got close to having that happen. Over nearly a decade, we got closer and closer (in very small steps) to FWB by playing ever more risque games when we got together with a specific couple. One night a couple years ago, the other husband just came out and asked how far things could go and everyone be OK. We all talked, each couple talked, then we all talked again and we agreed to take a bigger step the next time we got together. Afterwards each couple talked to make sure all were OK and we've continued down that path since. After some initial shock that it actually happened everyone felt it turned out better than we even hoped.

 

The point of this long post is that this board, normal or not, is a wonderful resource for swingers and even for those not under the swinger roof but just in the neighborhood. So why do I keep reading, mostly to catch a glimpse of Pretty Lady's avatar. I'm torn because I want to see the next version but I'll miss the current one. Seriously though, the suggestions about how to handle situations and communicate issues seems to apply to our situation enough to still be useful.

 

IC

[socolais 696]

I have a feeling the quiet "exclusive adult-fun with friends" umbrella is larger than the self-proclaimed swinger umbrella. I don't see so much of a "them and us" arrangement, I think we all find a comfortable spot somewhere along the continuum and lines are drawn uniquely in the context of each discussion.

 

The value of this virtual community is not in our similarities but in our differences and our communication. The cross-flow of opinions and ideas expressed here gives me new things to think about and some new things to explore.

[WesternSwing 504]

I'm talking about this board and the members here. When you realize that we all seem to run into "problem" people it makes you wonder......Are we really the minorities in the swinging world?

It's interesting I came across this thread again while searching for something else because Mrs. WS and I were discussing something similar with some friends last weekend. They had never heard of The Swingers Board and were shy of any swinging forum because of what they had seen on sites like Swingular where the forum is generally a bunch of opinionated (and more often than not wrong) people. In fact, we've found the forum there to be a good way to weed-out couples we would never want to meet just because of the attitudes toward others and the discrimination in many forms they express there. So I'd say "yes, without a doubt the people here on The Swingers Board ARE the exception, at least compared to other forums I've seen."

 

Mr. WS

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Good swingers seek information/education to increase their knowledge of swinging. Thereby, and hopefully making them better swingers and members of this board.

 

So we need to educate people and provide them with this reference.

[cupl4fun 361]

I don't know if the people on this board are the exception or the rule. I hope the latter but I fear the former. But Mrs. cupl and I have also found ourselves wishing most of you guys lived closer. We would love to meet most of you and sex isn't even the main reason:rollseye:

[Malachista 170]

minority

Most swingers don't care to discuss or analyze.. they rather search profiles for new playmates or at least some nice pictures

I also guess that most people who don't share the opinion of the majority only lurk or leave soon rather then defend their own opinion again and again

[tittietwister 126]

I voted for the minority view. I have often wondered about how typical this group is. I have taken some of the informal polling data and shown to experienced swingers not on this board. Can't remember what all I have shared but the consensus is usually some level of disagreement with the results.

 

My sense is that this group is more thoughtful and reflective than typical swingers. It would be great to be able to meet people on this board.