Who is a swinger?

[juststarting 3]

Hello, 

 

Question for experts

 

My wife and I have been to swinger clubs, and swinger events with massive sex parties, we have had sex,  but we have never swapped. Not even soft swap. Are we considered swingers or just voyeurs?  

[Billygoat 445]

There are many couples that start out this way, most do.  But not all move at the same speed to try sharing swapping partners.  And that is ok.

 

The Lifestyle is very broad and inclusive: Ethical Non Monogamy sex, Shared sex play, Swapping, Kink and fetish you name it.  We’ve met men, women couples from every level and then some.  There is not one definition, one lone description that accurately defines swinging, nothing all inclusive.  There are many couples who enjoy the freedom, sexual energy, watching and being watched while engaging in open room, group or couples play in the same room or bed.  We also know of many who are open active nudists that play/have sex openly at the nudist beach, lake or in a shared Hotel room but separate beds.

 

It is all about open honest communications between all participating, consenting adults, desires and location.

[couplers 4,717]

4 hours ago, juststarting said:

we have had sex,  but we have never swapped

Were either of you ever non-monogamous?  It doesn't mean that you had to have swapped, but did either of you have two sex partners going at once?  Perhaps in your younger days, transitioning from one relationship to another?  Tell us about that.

 

Swingers swap.  Being in "The Lifestyle" or "Non-monogamy" encompasses much more.

[lcmim 1,086]

I would say "swinger" No.

Quite possibly on that road.

 

In the sexual freedom LS? Yes.

 

Then again I tend to draw fairly narrow margins involving ENM with an actual spouse or long term life partner.

[AdamGunn2 418]

I would agree with Billygoat.  If you are not technically 'swingers', you're right on the cusp.  I wouldn't worry about it.

 

Unless, of course, you're looking for the official certificate.  In that case, we're going to have to consult the Rules Officials . . .

[TnA83 314]

Sex in front of others for self gratification and performance art, to turn on other couples or singles, qualifies as swinging in my book.  Even though nobody touched nuthin on the other couple.  Tell us some of your "soft swinging" episodes.  Did either of you want more?  Were you both okay with your level of participation?  I think soft swingers are hot!

[lcmim 1,086]

Even with my parameters I would say you are part of the community .

People worry way too much about labels.

The labels are important when trying to be precise, otherwise , not so much.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We were on the fence about this one...originally we felt that since neither of you have swapped or included another person in your playing that you haven't crossed that line yet, but then we started thinking about what swinging was broken down to it base components. Short version: swinging is sexually sharing (IOHO)...sharing your partner with another, sharing yourself (especially in the case of a unicorn), both of you sharing each other with another couple, but sharing when it comes to sex. Using that as a definition, the two of you having sex so others can watch can be considered as sexual sharing , but it is definitely exhibitionism. We would have to go to the judges for a ruling on this one (keeping in mind that the Russian judge will always score Americans low - obscure joke...). We'll wait for the ruling first...

[Billygoat 445]

The Lifestyle, swinging, has Judges?!? Who knew?

[enhancer 1,586]

Who cares it is just a title that has different meanings to different people that use it!  There is no special badge of honour for it. We have known people that do swap with others that do not like to use that title.  Just live your life the way you want and don’t worry about it.  

[juststarting 3]

Thanks a lot for the feedback. This summer we will go to Cap (we live in Europe) and my wife loved Glamour Beach, we started to have sex and we lost track of time and when we finished we had at least 40 couples around us having sex with us in the middle. That was hot. She just said next time we get a bed. (you can rent a bed, else is all standing which is not that comfortable). 

Edited April 30 by juststarting

[couplers 4,717]

On 4/28/2024 at 12:04 PM, TnA83 said:

Sex in front of others for self gratification and performance art,

"Performance art."  A good observation.  Sometimes while watching others have sex, it strikes me that way, as an artistic achievement.  As a practiced rather than instinctual act.  Like dancers or figure skaters.  Beautiful. 

[TnA83 314]

On 4/30/2024 at 5:22 AM, couplers said:

"Performance art."  A good observation.  Sometimes while watching others have sex, it strikes me that way, as an artistic achievement.  As a practiced rather than instinctual act.  Like dancers or figure skaters.  Beautiful. 

Even more beautiful when it's instinctual!

[couplers 4,717]

It is instinctual, but appears as practiced art.  That's the beauty of it.  Two people who have never done it before, engage perfectly. 

[PeterJ 960]

5 hours ago, couplers said:

Two people who have never done it before, engage perfectly. 

While I find the "inaugural ball" with novel partners exciting at one level, for me the other side of the coin is that subsequent encounters will likely be even better as we learn each other’s bodies and responses.