Mfm husbands

[AusAsh 2]

Hello all,

 

My wife and I have dipped into the mfm scene now for about half a year now. 
up till this point we have had two physical encounters which went fine. 
 

recently we made a new connection. The guy is nice, however there is starting to be more emotional connection involved between the wife and other male. Husbands, this has opened my eyes quite a bit, and I’m not sure how to proceed, if we should continue on or what really to think. Getting into this, I never really took into consideration there may be other feelings that develop. 
 

im not sure. Any advise, would be great. Thank you

[AusAsh 2]

Also, has anyone else experienced this? If so what did you do? What was the resolve? 

[lcmim 1,063]

What to do depends entirely on the two of you as individuals and the nature of your marriage.

For us this was never an issue. We have each had emotional attachments to play partners.

Each of us kept it in perspective .

 

The fact you are asking others makes me wonder if this is the road for you two. Not every swinger couple is so wired

 

When this started happening we were well into 30+ years together and There were no doubts as to what we knew to expect from each other.

Life is a great teacher.

[Funtofukutoo 23]

This happened to my wife an I with a good friend of mine but the wife was very up front about what was happening with the two of them but she num 1 didn't want to break up our marriage and 2nd she didn't want to break up our friendship so we would just talk it out he never admitted it but he had broke up couples before even a marriage of a army friend so I just had to trust her cuz she didn't want to give up that extra cock

[AdamGunn2 316]

My wife was getting way too close to one of her friends, to the point that they both broke rules and rubbed my nose in it.  I explained to my wife that I thought it was dangerous, so she broke up with the guy.

 

Months later, she told me I was right . . .

[bbarnsworth 2,597]

How this works with your marriage is really up to you. I can tell you how it's worked for my wife and I, as others have above.

 

My wife and I discussed having another guy for her extensively. We thought about it for a long while, discussed it for a long while. This angle of thought started because we had felt that if she found a good guy to have sex with, someone who really turned her on and was really good in bed...why give him up? Why not play with him many more times? That led to...what if emotions developed? We decided to move ahead, and see how things went. We agreed beforehand that our relationship was 100% by far the most important thing, and that if either of us felt our relationship was being negatively impacted, we'd pull the plug. We never found that it negatively impacted our marriage. Over the years, my wife has had two long term boyfriends. Both have worked out very well. Both have ended, but not for bad reasons (both, after some years, moved into long term vanilla relationships). In both cases, my wife developed emotions for them, and them for her. This contributed to the sex being better, among other benefits.

 

Our society programs us to think we're only supposed to romantically love one person at a time, and it's only POSSIBLE to romantically love one person at a time. This is absolute bunk. You can love multiple siblings, multiple parents, multiple children, multiple aunts/uncles, multiple grandparents...suddenly you're not capable of romantically loving more than one person? Preposterous. What we DO lack is the tools to manage having multiple romantic loves. This is where you and your wife need to have some very deep, very heartfelt, very open discussions about your relationship, how each of you feels for each other and how the both of you feel about this other fellow, and whether that is having an impact. It's uncharted territory for you, and that can cause unease. The presence of unease doesn't mean it's not for you (I disagree with lcmim on this one point), but rather it's new and you don't have the tools for it yet. Maybe it isn't for you, but you won't know just yet without having some deep conversations with your wife and self analysis as well.

 

If...IF...the two of you feel you are ready for that, the rewards are many. If your wife really enjoys having sex with him, the sex will only get better. She'll be happier, and likely you will be happier because she is happier...if everything is stable in your relationship. It's important that both of you feel empowered to pull the plug on it at any time. Keep your marriage central and the most important.

[Numex 2,323]

6 hours ago, AusAsh said:

there is starting to be more emotional connection involved between the wife and other male. , I never really took into consideration there may be other feelings that develop. 

Both my wife and I have emotional attachments to others in our group. It doesn't bother us. We've gone off on vacations alone with others. 

 

3 hours ago, Funtofukutoo said:

she num 1 didn't want to break up our marriage

Having feelings for another doesn't have to break up a marriage, it can add excitement and enhance it. 

 

1 hour ago, AdamGunn2 said:

they both broke rules

We have no rules. 

[lcmim 1,063]

bbbarnsworth. 

"The presence of unease doesn't mean it's not for you (I disagree with lcmim on this one point), but rather it's new and you don't have the tools for it yet."

 

 

 I was not trying to rule this out for them forever.

The original question said to me that they were not ready now.

The answer to the question has to come from within them.

This might take a while. Like I said  Life is a great teacher.

 

I probably could have stated it better.

[Billygoat 440]

We agree with BBarnsworth.  If both arrive at a point in ENM that although they are life-partners in every sense of the term, can freely talk/express their feelings, emotions, desires to each other as well as others in their relationship having alternative/additional relationships can be very healthy and rewarding.   
 

We have experienced this in our transition through the first six/seven years of the ENM Lifestyle.  We both have had others, couples, solo’s from couples as well as singles that we enjoyed in-depth romantic/intimate relationships with.  Most lasting years.  They only ended due to life changes, job transfers, out of state family obligations.  Both socially as well as intimate.  It made a huge difference in our personal relationship as well as social/public face.

 

Her longest relationship was eight years.  We traveled and socialized as a Triad.  Family and friends socialized with us this way.  I’m sure they all had their suspicions but none ever asked.  I had three longer term relationships one lasting 6 years.  It didn’t ever get messy or emotionally challenging.  We both lost our longer term relationships due to life changing issues.  With hers he had to move due to family issues and mine she move for an education opportunity.

 

When all are emotionally comfortable and of the same mindset it is very natural.  In our opinion for this to last and grow naturally it needs to develop into an even/level polyamory relationship with partners being equal with each other.  We have learned this by having close friends that live their lives in this type of relationship.  One very close friend has three husbands and children (it is accepted, not interested in DNA testing) from all three.  Neither of them are in the lifestyle/swinging.  And all five children call all three Dad. 
 

So, can it work?  Yes of course.  Does it need to or does it have to?  Absolutely not.

[couplers 4,409]

On 5/31/2024 at 5:09 AM, Billygoat said:

When all are emotionally comfortable and of the same mindset it is very natural.  In our opinion for this to last and grow naturally it needs to develop into an even/level polyamory relationship with partners being equal with each other.  We have learned this by having close friends that live their lives in this type of relationship.  One very close friend has three husbands and children (it is accepted, not interested in DNA testing) from all three.  Neither of them are in the lifestyle/swinging.  And all five children call all three Dad. 

So, can it work?  Yes of course.

Good to hear; that sounds a like us, except we're a 3 woman, 2 man family with children of mixed parentage.  And some occasional lifestyle play.

 

Our happiness and success as a family is a result of each understanding the others and being selfless, but also a tremendous amount of luck at finding each other 

[kittyswinger 259]

The same with me. I have a SO and a bf, but in reality the distinction is already superficial now. I have child from both. The relationship naturally evolved into polyamory. 

 

The only problem is if your wife is not wired as polyamorous. If the mindset is mono, she might choose only one of you. You have to explore her wiring. If she is mono, tell her it's game over on your swinging lifestyle.