What age would you meet?

[Half MT 275]

We are early 30’s and feel our upper limit is 8-10 years older. How young is too young? Is a 25 year old young lady and her boyfriend too young for us? If they were married would it be different? 

We only know them online. A big plus there were no nudes given or asked for. 
Age and marital status are my only question. 
*Just a note. We are very new to this with only one time on a vacation as experience. 
 

[shy_couple 466]

Only you can answer this.

 

we started in our 30s +/- 10 was general guideline. Much older and felt too close to our parents. On the younger side, many seemed to lack a maturity that we needed. 
 

The couple we had the best connection with were FWB and around our same age. 
 

We met a couple a little older than we would normally be comfortable with at a party. Struck up a conversation and went back to their room. 
 

so you never know. 

[Skhan 56]

Why not go for 25?  You could teach them many things, and their stamina is a plus. 

But then it is like that that Steely Dan song, "Hey Nineteen."

 

"Hey Nineteen
No we got nothing in common
No we can't talk at all"

[njbm 2,932]

Best rec is to play with people your age. Same likely abilities and stamina. But when we were in our fifties, a couple in their seventies asked us to play while on a lifestyle cruise. We discussed and decided if they have the courage to ask us, we’ll give them a try.  Worth it, we had a very enjoyable experience.  You have to feel an attraction to play. If it’s there, we don’t care about age. 

[AdamGunn2 423]

We also started in our early 50's, and the limits that we put on our SLS profile was 40-60.  But we didn't really pay much attention to that, if the couple that attracted us was outside those limits but otherwise attractive, we'd meet with them and see.  At the club when we were looking for hookups, we didn't even bother asking about age.

 

My advice to you, MT, would not be to worry too much about age. You'll find attractive people of all ages in the LifeStyle. Just beware of immaturity and craziness, those types tend not to make good bed partners.

[smoothpantieBum 2]

As a much older person, i think I'm not unusual in feeling age isn't a factor at all. It used to be, when I was NOT so old, but now I would say I love YOUTH and smooth-smooth skin, bright eyes, and all such desires of the young--but in terms of swinging, or sex in general, I let myself be attracted to whom I feel attracted. On the other hand, I give compliments and I have sex with ONLY those whom I can be or talk with in total sincerity. I don't want to be either mechanical because I don't feel anything, or simply feel bad because I'm lying to myself and thereby cheating. I've always been more or less this way. I'm not after every possible statistic; I've experienced lots of what I love.

[cplnluv1 879]

It is hard to believe that 10 years ago we decided to add some spice to our marriage looking for a unicorn. What we found was a young lady and her older boyfriend. I was 40, she was in her 20s, the boyfriend closer to our age. 
Over the past 10 years we met both older and younger most were within 10 years of our age. Now that we are 50 we have a group we became close to, a few years older, a few younger. Age is strange because I think of all of us as young and as many stated, age is just a number. This summer we met a couple, friends of friends that I would never guess were closer to 70, I figured 60. On the opposite side we have a friend in her 30s who introduced us to a new boyfriend. 

[AdamGunn2 423]

How about lower limits?  When we started swinging in our early 50s, we put a limit of nobody in their twenties.  Except for a few hot MFMs, we pretty much kept that rule.

[Baconheads 455]

Several years ago, I attended a party in the Inland Empire, billed as a bisexual party.  I didn't have any bisexual shenanigans but I met a lovely gal about 70.  I was about 55.  We had a wonderful time, starting out the night together. drifting apart for a while, the reconnecting at the end of the night.  I insisted on a condom for the first encounter, then we went bareback for the end.  She was a prize and came easily, and really turned me on as well.

[enhancer 1,588]

We have a 13 year age difference in our relationship so the age thing doesn’t really matter a whole lot!  Saying that she has no interest in people her parents age and I have no interest in people the age of my adult daughters.  Ideally somewhere between our ages is usually ideal, but would really depend on the person.
 

 I always find it funny when people assume older people can’t relate to younger people and will have nothing in common.  I guess I am to believe once you hit a certain age you become out of touch with what is going on in the world and no longer are willing to learn something new.  I also find the comments about stamina being equal funny.  At 53 I have better stamina and am in better shape then loads of people I meet in their 30’s.  How a person eats, exercises and takes care of themselves makes a bigger difference on that then the age they are.

[cplnluv1 879]

Funny that after answering our 10 year preference we were contacted by a couple 15 years younger than me. How they got our email is more surprising. Several years ago we met their friends that contacted us through a swingers site who were looking for a first for the wife. What I’m reading they met on that same site and the ones we met gave us as a referral for a First. A nice compliment out of nowhere. Alan has been corresponding with the new couple who he thinks are more than 15 years younger. Two negatives are they are young and they sent a nude picture without us asking. Not a sex picture, just naked. We stopped meeting newbies last year and have a smaller group we enjoy. 
I’m not fully sure why we were chosen. Alan said the couple they contacted were not confident in being in the first for her and that I handled their first so well. 
I think the nude photo worked on Alan. What man doesn’t enjoy younger women? My question is why do younger people want us, they know our age. Alan isn’t wrong when he says we should enjoy, there isn’t anything wrong meeting them. 

[MidwestHoneys 369]

18 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

Alan isn’t wrong when he says we should enjoy, there isn’t anything wrong meeting them. 

You guys aren’t old and they want you so you should enjoy. I’m thinking what it’s like to be recommended to be a first. 

[ExploringOptions 185]

Searching we looked for someone our age. We discussed age and it wasn’t a strict age we wanted people who acted close to our age. 15 years younger would be too young even if my husband wouldn’t agree. 
@cplnluv1 you sound like the Pussy Whisperer that knows how to let a woman be comfortable in her sexuality. The first time I did that I needed to have a fun talk with the other wife first. It went I’ll grab your pussy if you grab mine. Grabbing was one thing , doing the oral had so many laughs. In the end we both did it pretty well. 

[couplers 4,817]

On 6/26/2024 at 3:19 PM, Half MT said:

What age would you meet?

Except for Joe and Shannon, who are four or five years younger than us, we keep it within our poly family.

 

I/we aren't looking, but theoretically for me a guy would have to be early twenties, a younger woman (in her teens) would be nice so long as she was mature, knew what she is doing, sober, etc.  Part of it is that I wish that I had started my sex life earlier, especially my Lesbian activities.

 

Upper limit depends on attitude, intelligence, and appearance, i.e. fitness.  I don’t work hard to stay firm to give my body to some flabby person. 

[cplnluv1 879]

11 hours ago, ExploringOptions said:

I’ll grab your pussy if you grab mine.

I figure that is a joke about a candidate making a comment. The truth is most women never saw or touched another woman down there. What I didn’t realize when we first started meeting others is that women have a better knowledge of seeing penises, all the women have seen, played and had in their mouth some or many men. Almost all have tasted a man and his ejaculate having no knowledge how other women taste. We all know our own bodies, our own anatomy, our own vaginas, never seeing any other vagina close. Men see other men in locker rooms, not up close but they can see what’s hanging. 
I don’t say I’ll grab yours, I do ask do you want to touch mine or do you want me to touch you first. I figure the woman never saw a vagina other than her own, I offer an up close examination. When age is a factor I know my own anatomy changed over the years. I don’t want to scare a much younger woman seeing a vagina that way. 

[PeterJ 981]

1 hour ago, cplnluv1 said:

I figure the woman never saw a vagina other than her own, I offer an up close examination. When age is a factor I know my own anatomy changed over the years. I don’t want to scare a much younger woman seeing a vagina that way. 

Two thoughts. First, my wife and I are in our mid-70s. So, she was in her early to mid-20s during the peak of second-wave feminism. It was not unusual in that era for women to participate in organized groups to learn about their bodies. This wasn’t explicitly sexual, but it did include the sex parts. Kathy took part in a group session of maybe a dozen women. With a mirror they examined their own genitalia and directly were able to visually observe the genitalia of others in the group. 
 

Second, yes, by inference from my close observation, the appearance of women’s parts changes over time. In general, at play parties I’ve attended where the women ranged from their late 20s through their 70s, the younger ones have tighter, less distended labia than the elderly women. I first saw Kathy’s pussy 50 years ago, and then after a long break began consistently seeing it up close and personal starting 37 years ago. She still has a gorgeous pussy, but the lips are noticeably floppier. (This sort of phenomenon happens of course to men as well. My scrotum hangs waaaay further down my thighs than it did even when I was middle-aged…🙄)

[cplnluv1 879]

1 hour ago, PeterJ said:

It was not unusual in that era for women to participate in organized groups to learn about their bodies.

Alan posted that I was bi before we met something he labeled me with. I was just a shy college girl looking for acceptance. My first experience with a girlfriend and a boyfriend was not with lights on, I didn’t inspect, only saw what I think I saw. I went home comparing myself to what I thought I saw. There wasn’t easy access to research, pre Google. I had a makeup mirror to do self inspection or watch myself and a toy, not to compare with others. Was a big clitoris better, I thought hers was bigger. Getting older I learned more, swinging has taught me plenty. How I would love a man to tell me how tight I am. Do I need vaginal rejuvenation? I didn’t notice hanging scrotum on Alan even if it has happened. Now I’m going to worry a younger man will say he doesn’t feel anything. 

[Numex 2,494]

1 hour ago, cplnluv1 said:

Do I need vaginal rejuvenation?

Please don't. There is one woman in our group, not that old 40 maybe, who has a "loose pussy." She is one of my favorites to play with, especially getting sloppy seconds. It is work, a struggle for me to reach orgasm with her (I'm a slow cummer, somewhat deliberately), but when I get there I nearly lose consciousness. She is the only woman who makes me grunt and scream as I cum.

 

If you want to do anything do those pelvic floor exercises, Klegals or whatever they're called. That feels greats for a guy when a woman can manipulate a guys dick with her vagina.

[PSULioness 872]

It depends! My first experiences were with friends my age, a few years on either side. Parties back at school where I graduated led to both a little younger, some old sorority sisters had married or were dating men who are older, not much older, less than 10 years older. Now in my mid thirties I recently had fun with 10 years younger.  Today I’m thinking he is telling stories about an older women he had. 
I am afraid of older men for a reason. After my divorce I met an older man who treated me well at first. He was my knight saving me until he became the dark knight. I realize abusive relationship happen at all ages, abuse is physical and mental. My husband who was my age was mentally abusive to me which led to our split. My older shining knight was abusive in so many ways which became darker with his friends abusing me too. I know not all older men are not monsters, I just can’t get passed my experiences. 

[MidwestHoneys 369]

5 hours ago, PSULioness said:

am afraid of older men for a reason. After my divorce I met an older man who treated me well at first. He was my knight saving me until he became the dark knight. I realize abusive relationship happen at all ages, abuse is physical and mental. My husband who was my age was mentally abusive to me which led to our split. My older shining knight was abusive in so many ways which became darker with his friends abusing me too. I know not all older men are not monsters, I just can’t get passed my experiences. 

Terrible that any man treat you abusively. 
Honey has played with a number of men outside of our age group. 99% of the older gentlemen were grateful that a younger woman pleased them. 
 

PSULioness this is not the first time you mentioned the abuse this man put you through nobody should be unwillingly abused. It can help others by explaining how he abused you. Some women enjoy things like hair pulling, others would call it abuse. Men need to be told No to stop abuse. 
You left an abusive relationship something everyone here is happy. Therapy is needed to mentally get through your pain. Get yourself better. 

[MidLifeFun 148]

Contacted by half our age we changed our profile looking for 25-35 we are getting messages. We are honest in posting our age which doesn’t deter younger contacts. If they are willing we are willing. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,479]

6 hours ago, MidLifeFun said:

We are honest in posting our age which doesn’t deter younger contacts. If they are willing we are willing. 

When we were very young and just starting out we liked more mature, experienced couples - and they taught us a lot!

For us age is no object, really.  A couple weeks ago we played with an awesome couple in their 70s, then The very next night we played with a couple in their 30s.  Both experiences were fantastic. We're in our 50s.

Edited November 5, 2024 by hunterdonNJcpl

[couplers 4,817]

On 11/3/2024 at 7:55 AM, cplnluv1 said:

women have a better knowledge of seeing penises, all the women have seen, played and had in their mouth some or many men. Almost all have tasted a man and his ejaculate having no knowledge how other women taste. We all know our own bodies, our own anatomy, our own vaginas, never seeing any other vagina close.

A great observation.  I had nearly a decade of playing with and experiencing penises in my mouth, bum, and pussy, and not having any Lesbian desires.  And two years of living in an MFM situation before David started playing with other women.  The women who let me participate in those MF encounters brought out my curiosity about and ultimately love of women and pussy.  I am indebted to them (Clair) for that self-discovery and journey.

[Rock n Tits 188]

Well since we are now in our 70 45-70s

[Juan234 19]

On 11/1/2024 at 12:43 PM, cplnluv1 said:

I’m not fully sure why we were chosen. 

This turned out to be another great thread. 
 

To cplnluv1, there could be so many reasons and all the ones I can think about should be taken as a compliment. Your login name for one, a loving example, wisdom, emotional stability, etc. I do hope it is a great experience.

[cplnluv1 879]

On 11/3/2024 at 2:23 PM, Numex said:

Please don't. There is one woman in our group, not that old 40 maybe, who has a "loose pussy." She is one of my favorites to play with, especially getting sloppy seconds. It is work, a struggle for me to reach orgasm with her (I'm a slow cummer, somewhat deliberately), but when I get there I nearly lose consciousness. She is the only woman who makes me grunt and scream as I cum.

 

If you want to do anything do those pelvic floor exercises, Klegals or whatever they're called. That feels greats for a guy when a woman can manipulate a guys dick with her vagina.

I was joking. Neither Alan nor our good friends ever mentioned me being loose, I just feel that all parts of our bodies change including the vagina. Thinking about it nobody has ever complained even the less endowed men. The Kegal is doing contractions, men can do it too to help with premature problems. 
Privately Alan will make fun singing Do the Tighten Up. He’ll ask if I’m Archie Bell. 

[cplnluv1 879]

21 hours ago, Juan234 said:

This turned out to be another great thread. 
 

To cplnluv1, there could be so many reasons and all the ones I can think about should be taken as a compliment. Your login name for one, a loving example, wisdom, emotional stability, etc. I do hope it is a great experience.

Thank you. Years of marriage and we do love more and more. Love is much more than sex and our sex life at home is more active then when our children were young. 
 

[couplers 4,817]

15 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

Love is much more than sex

Very true, but from the little bit of playing outside our family we can also say "Sex is much more than love."  There's no love between any of us with Joe and Shannon, but the sex is exquisite, the desire, passion, excitement is genuine.  Same with them.  We all look forward to our couplings.

 

The exception, I must say, has been when I'm fucking Joe while nearby Shannon is fucking David or Red.  We look at one another with love in that moment despite the sex being with someone else. 

 

15 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

our sex life at home is more active then when our children were young. 

The advantage of a poly family is having someone else to occupy the kids when adults want to go at it.

 

 

Edited November 8, 2024 by couplers

[couplers 4,817]

15 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

I was joking. Neither Alan nor our good friends ever mentioned me being loose, I just feel that all parts of our bodies change including the vagina.

Did you birth children vaginally?

 

I had two come out the way they went in and I worried about being stretched out.  All signs are that I snapped back ok, no complaints, guys cum ok, two fingers in from Clair or Lora feels just as good to me.

[PSULioness 872]

On 11/4/2024 at 3:36 PM, MidwestHoneys said:

PSULioness this is not the first time you mentioned the abuse this man put you through nobody should be unwillingly abused. It can help others by explaining how he abused you. Some women enjoy things like hair pulling, others would call it abuse.

I am with a therapist weekly that has helped me greatly. Coming to the truth that I was being abused and willing say no is the first step to recovery. I thought I loved someone and denied it was the feeling of being wanted that I loved. I had to accept what one calls a kink can eventually turn into abuse slowly. I had to look deep inside myself of why I became a swinger, why I was having sex with so many others. Is that a kink? Each man is different in how he enjoys sex, something I enjoyed sharing. 
I will try to share what opened my eyes to abuse, it took time for me. This post is difficult for me, I will try. 
Those who know me know how difficult my divorce was and my reasons for divorce. How my next relationship grew is still a question even to me. I met my abuser in a very innocent way. A friendly man who listened to me in a fatherly way. He is an older gentleman, I use gentleman very loosely. I still question how I allowed myself to be talked into a bed with him. He called himself a Shmoozer, I was shmoozed. Our first time we were together was nice, he was caring, didn’t rush me and kept praising me. The only thing that was wrong was he is older which didn’t show itself sexually. I should not have told him my sexual past. I’m sure that gave him carte blanch to do things he only dreamed of. He looked at me as a young girl and started treating me as a school girl. Fun at first it was a little uncomfortable. Little by little he bought me school girl stuff, the first abuse was a spanking. He found more and more reasons to spank me. 
Right now I can finish this answer. I’m working and it goes much much further. I’ll try to answer later. 

[Half MT 275]

15 hours ago, PSULioness said:

Right now I can finish this answer. I’m working and it goes much much further. I’ll try to answer later.

If it hurts don’t continue. Just get healthy and move on to a beautiful blessed life. 

[oldswinger64 126]

17 hours ago, PSULioness said:

 I had to look deep inside myself of why I became a swinger

I have looked into myself, looked at my wife, and looked at the many people I have met swinging and asked the same question.  I have found that it seldom has to do with pleasure.   I have also found that very few would be considered healthy. 

[PSULioness 872]

1 hour ago, Half MT said:

If it hurts don’t continue. Just get healthy and move on to a beautiful blessed life. 

I thought about this all night feeling the need to continue. 
I stayed with him because I needed acceptance. I pretended to enjoy our game pretending to be his bad little girl. His spankings became more intense and sadistic. He went from slapping to using his belt leaving welts on me. It always ended with him making me do oral on him. He’d yell at me to suck his cock which was my relief because he would stop hitting me. His sadism got worse with restraints and choking. Things became more degrading with him urinating on me. Then things became worse when he invited friends to humiliate me. Some of the men were really disgusting. I found out he was getting paid by the men he invited. I was called a slave. 
It took courage to run for my life, I thought something much worse was going to happen so I had to escape. 
I am trying to get back to a normal life if I can figure out what normal is. Do I want the vanilla life as some call it or do I want to continue in a normal sexually open life? 
I wonder if I should tell my past to a guy I might have feelings for. I’m afraid there are those who won’t want to date a freak with a sordid past. Can I go back to being whom I’m not. Still trying to figure out who I am. 

[Numex 2,494]

4 hours ago, PSULioness said:

I stayed with him because I needed acceptance. I pretended to enjoy our game pretending to be his bad little girl. His spankings became more intense and sadistic. ......................
I am trying to get back to a normal life if I can figure out what normal is. Do I want the vanilla life as some call it or do I want to continue in a normal sexually open life? 
I wonder if I should tell my past to a guy I might have feelings for. I’m afraid there are those who won’t want to date a freak with a sordid past.

Certainly I am no expert with this but for any future men in your life, regardless of who the man is or his age, unless he asks what YOU want first and lets you go first without expecting anything from you in return, including him being able to play unless it's fun for you and something that you want, don't venture into the lifestyle with a guy expecting a permanent relationship. My wife told me that the reason she thought that our relationship could work as marriage is because she told me about her past and I not only accepted it but also thought it was good, it made her the wonderful woman that she is. Then I told her she could find sexual fulfillment outside our marriage while saying that she is enough for me. She is.

 

Some would say my wife is "a freak with a sordid past" that a guy "won't want to date." That's probably true for a lot of guys, but we men are out there who love women like you and my wife - daring, intelligent, strong, know what they like. I was going to say "good luck" but instead the better thing is "stay persistent" for what you're looking for because there is a guy who is looking for you. Not because he wants to have fun in a "sexually open life" but because he wants you to have fulfillment in a "sexually open life."

Edited November 14, 2024 by Numex

[PSULioness 872]

18 hours ago, Numex said:

Certainly I am no expert with this but for any future men in your life, regardless of who the man is or his age, unless he asks what YOU want first and lets you go first without expecting anything from you in return, including him being able to play unless it's fun for you and something that you want, don't venture into the lifestyle with a guy expecting a permanent relationship.

Currently I’m not looking for anything permanent after getting divorced and going through hell with my rebound. 
My life for years has revolved around my ex, my work, sexual play with others including my ex’s good friend. Thinking about that friend is where I messed up. I didn’t do anything behind my husband’s back, he encouraged me to spend time with his friend as a safe place. Part of my guilt feelings is if I am being truthful is the sex with that friend was very good. I couldn’t wait to see him. Comparing sex partners was not healthy for me, I never expressed to anyone that I enjoyed and looked forward to my husband’s business trips. 
My question is if I should tell a future man my life as a swinger? 

[AdamGunn2 423]

1 hour ago, PSULioness said:

My question is if I should tell a future man my life as a swinger? 

PSU, I've followed your tragic story for years, and like everyone here, I'm glad you're beginning to come out of your problems.

 

As far as hypothetical 'future men,' that's not an easy question; so much depends upon him, upon you, and the kind of relationship you and he want to have.

 

First of all, I'll give an opinion - 'truth in relationships is always better than building on mistruths.' While I'm sure you'd be able to find the exception that proves the rule, 99% or more of the time this axiom holds. Oh, you can hide something that's not important to the core of the relationship for a very long time, but eventually something as significant as your past will out itself one way or another. And then, it's quite possible the hearer of the mistruth will take umbrage, and there'll be a crisis while you fix it - if you can. 

 

Certainly, you don't have to come out with your past on the first date, or even the tenth, if it seems the relationship is going to remain casual. The two triggers that might indicate coming clean should happen is:

 

1) The two of you decide that you're getting serious. If you both start using the word 'love.' If you find you've been monogamous together, and it looks like it's going to stay that way for awhile. If there's consideration of moving in together. In this case, you need to divulge there's been certain issues in the past with sexual experimentation. I'd suspect enough details will have to come out so that your prospective man will feel comfortable with your past. Not every detail needs to be revealed, but enough. 

 

2) If the subject of non-monogamy comes up. Then the first thing you two need to decide is if it will be 'ethical'. (And, by the way, you get to decide your own definition of ethical - my definition is certainly a little broader than a ministers, for example.) After you've decided that, then I'd suggest saying you've been in such relationships before, and take it from there. Again, you'll become aware of what additional information needs to be divulged, should be divulged, or stories that might spice up the blossoming situation.

 

As always, I wish you happiness and the best of luck. 

[PSULioness 872]

On 11/15/2024 at 12:07 PM, AdamGunn2 said:

PSU, I've followed your tragic story for years, and like everyone here, I'm glad you're beginning to come out of your problems.

Awww. “Tragic Story” is eye opening making me look at my life. Divorce is so common today, too many of us rushed into marriage too young. It goes back to being accepted and afraid of being alone. I am lucky to have a good support system of both sexes. One of my closest friends is also divorced and is someone who lived through my crazy life warning me of the dangers. She helped me get out of a toxic and very dangerous relationship. We have another friend who we discuss very openly our lives and relationships. They are quasi therapists for me. I feel they understand my life even more, a therapist or my therapist who is a straight married woman. 
When I meet a man or get interested in a man I wonder when I should open up about my sexuality. Will a man want me because of my unorthodox life before he wants me for who he sees?  My friend and I discuss these things with the understanding that my therapist doesn’t have. 
Thank you for understanding my crazy trip and well wishes. I wonder what some of the older or more seasoned on here think. I want to think that decades from now I am as thoughtful as the real people here and able to give the good advice others have given me. 

[Numex 2,494]

On 11/15/2024 at 7:55 AM, PSULioness said:

Part of my guilt feelings is if I am being truthful is the sex with that friend was very good. I couldn’t wait to see him. Comparing sex partners was not healthy for me, I never expressed to anyone that I enjoyed and looked forward to my husband’s business trips. 

My wife tells me that sex with her favorite play partner is very good and she looks forward to seeing him and sometimes with his wife. It makes me happy that she enjoys him so much as well as other play partners. Does it bother me? Not at all. If she told me that some other man was a better cook than me, would I be upset? No. Marriage includes sex, something to enjoy together, but that is not the whole picture or even the most important part. Daniela and I share a home, a daughter, a life together; times like with no one else. Sex is something we really enjoy together, but if she can find that part of life even better elsewhere, then fine, it doesn't diminish what we have.

On 11/14/2024 at 7:50 AM, PSULioness said:

I wonder if I should tell my past to a guy I might have feelings for. I’m afraid there are those who won’t want to date a freak with a sordid past. Can I go back to being whom I’m not.

At some point when the relationship becomes sexual and then more serious, you should tell. Not because you owe it to any guy but for two other reasons: to see if he genuinely loves you as you are, what made you the person you are, and because if you view the lifestyle as my wife and I do, you can't go back. It is a higher form of human development, true to our real human nature. You are neither a freak, nor what you did sordid. Other people were sordid.

11 hours ago, PSULioness said:

When I meet a man or get interested in a man I wonder when I should open up about my sexuality. Will a man want me because of my unorthodox life before he wants me for who he sees?

When things get serious you open up, not to see if he wants you - that's backwards - it's to see if you still want him.

 

 

Edited November 18, 2024 by Numex

[couplers 4,817]

On 11/14/2024 at 7:50 AM, PSULioness said:

a sordid past.

 

21 hours ago, PSULioness said:

my unorthodox life

 

21 hours ago, PSULioness said:

my sexuality.

I agree with the rest here that the only opinion about you that is negative is your own.  No one else, including me for what it's worth, considers your past sordid, you life unorthodox, or your sexuality unusual.

[PSULioness 872]

12 hours ago, Numex said:

My wife tells me that sex with her favorite play partner is very good and she looks forward to seeing him and sometimes with his wife. It makes me happy that she enjoys him so much as well as other play partners. 

My Ex encouraged me to be with his friend all the time. There wasn’t any jealousy when I told him I enjoyed being with that friend. My time and many nights were filled with more than sex, we had laughs and so much fun. It was never who was better, he knew I had all the fun that it was supposed to be. 
Our problem started when we figured my Ex was away when I became pregnant. At first it was denial until reality was figured out. 

 

12 hours ago, Numex said:

At some point when the relationship becomes sexual and then more serious, you should tell

Sex usually happens pretty quickly, if not the first date or second by the third it’s expected or wanted. My friend was funny when she offered to be there if it comes to the point where I open up to a New Romantic relationship. She volunteered to be part of his first threesome sight unseen. Wouldn’t be funny if it wasn’t his first? 

 

2 hours ago, couplers said:

 

 

I agree with the rest here that the only opinion about you that is negative is your own.  No one else, including me for what it's worth, considers your past sordid, you life unorthodox, or your sexuality unusual.

My Ex used those words in our divorce. The words still ring in my head. I am working on exorcising the hurting words. 

[couplers 4,817]

21 hours ago, PSULioness said:

Our problem started when we figured my Ex was away when I became pregnant. At first it was denial until reality was figured out. 

What was wrong with your Ex?  So what?  You talk about it and decide what to do.  Either you're ready for a child or not.  And if he was such a good friend to you as well, why didn't he step up and step in to support your decision?  What seemed to be such a wonderful arrangement all around (and very similar to ours in the early days) was deceptive on their parts.

 

21 hours ago, PSULioness said:

My friend was funny when she offered to be there if it comes to the point where I open up to a New Romantic relationship. She volunteered to be part of his first threesome sight unseen.

A friend indeed who you can trust.

 

21 hours ago, PSULioness said:

My Ex used those words in our divorce. The words still ring in my head. I am working on exorcising the hurting words. 

It applies to him.

[couplers 4,817]

On 11/14/2024 at 12:43 PM, Numex said:

Some would say my wife is "a freak with a sordid past" that a guy "won't want to date." That's probably true for a lot of guys, but we men are out there who love women like you and my wife

I agree with what you said above in this post, but with one minor quibble: In my experience, the men in my life weren't looking for a "woman like me" who likes to have multiple partners and be in non-monogamous relationships, and/or have partners as well who they play with.  They loved me so much that they took joy in my happiness of not having to choose between the two men in my life.  Neither David nor Red had engaged in this type of relationship before, so it wasn't like it was a kink of theirs.  It took me two years to get over my shortcoming of not being able to find the same joy in their potential sexual pleasure outside of me.  Once I as well understood and found that aspect of love for them, it was also better for me.

 

A long way around of saying that you don't need to find someone who is into the lifestyle, find someone first who loves you so much that he is happy for you to find pleasure being in the lifestyle.

[Numex 2,494]

On 11/18/2024 at 7:50 AM, PSULioness said:

I enjoyed being with that friend. My time and many nights were filled with more than sex, we had laughs and so much fun. It was never who was better, he knew I had all the fun that it was supposed to be. 
Our problem started when we figured my Ex was away when I became pregnant.

That "friend" should have stayed by you and helped in whatever you decided to do. 

Edited November 24, 2024 by Numex

[PSULioness 872]

17 hours ago, Numex said:

That "friend" should have stayed by you and helped in whatever you decided to do. 

I had support from all my friends but the most important person was Me. My Body-My Choice. I learned the only time a man should be involved with my body is when I want him to. 

[MidwestHoneys 369]

On 11/25/2024 at 9:32 AM, PSULioness said:

I had support from all my friends but the most important person was Me. My Body-My Choice. I learned the only time a man should be involved with my body is when I want him to. 

Hey your team is doing well. Are you enjoying watching with your friends again? 

[WesternSwing 521]

For me, anyone over 21 and probably up to 65. To me, age isn't as important as chemistry.

 

But that's talking about a FWB or sex in the Lifestyle.

 

When it comes to romantic partners I prefer someone within 5 years of my own age. I find outside of that there are a lot of difference in experiences, music, etc. For example, I am an early Gen X, my ex-wife was born 10 years after me. Although we are both Gen X, when I was in high school I was listening to Bruce Springsteen, ZZ Top, Allman Brothers, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Van Halen, Ozzy Osborne, etc. When she was in high school she was listening to Depeche Mode, Moby, Blind Melon, Alice in Chains, The Cure, Nirvana, etc. When I was 25 she was 15. There were a lot of not shared social experiences. 

 

My wife is 5 years younger than me and we simply have a lot more in common being we shared many of the same events in history, societal influences, and such.

 

Then take my girlfriend a couple years ago, who is 21-years younger than me. She loves K-Pop, Gorillaz, New Order, Weezer, LINKIN PARK, Good Charlotte, Evanescence, etc. Sometimes we didn't have a lot to talk about because she doesn't understand me in many ways, and I don't understand her. 

 

Music difference, may not seem like a big thing, but much of the music reflects social happenings at the time and how each generation sees it. So life experiences are just different, cultural references are different, and so on. 

 

Maybe Steely Dan put it best in "Hey 19":

 

Hey 19, that's Aretha Franklin

She don't remember the Queen of Soul

Hard times befallen Soul Survivors

She thinks I'm crazy but I'm just growing old.

[KatrinaandDriverX 139]

Katrina here

 

Rather than have an age range, perhaps think more three dimensionally. If they're willing to have sex with us, are we willing to have sex with them ? 

 

I've met people my age and thought," No, sex would not be fun". Yet, it has little to do with age. It had to do with the question posed above. 

 

We've been at a couple of house parties where everyone is encouraged to play as 'single' . You don't have to , yet as the hostess explains,"'Sex' is the Question and 'Yes' should be the answer, as much as possible". Now, the attendees are typically pre-vetted and everyone knows what they' are there for.

 

I met a man and we were chatting away. I'm 26 and he was somewhere north of fifty, yet 'well turned out', as the expression goes. It was a fantastic romp, we laughed and smiled and thoroughly enjoyed the sex. And, as is often the case, after the party, that was that. Ny husband even saw us form across the room and thought I sure seemed to be having fun. For his part, I glanced him banging away at a buxom redhead, which is definitely not what I am. Diversity is fun. 

 

A year later I run into him at a bookstore. We have a nice chat. I text my husband and without any prompting he replies," If you want him. Have him".  We were downtown Chicago, secured a very nice hotel suite and banged away for the next couple of hours. Both of us thrilled.

[couplers 4,817]

On 1/4/2025 at 12:52 AM, KatrinaandDriverX said:

I text my husband and without any prompting he replies," If you want him. Have him".

That happened the other way around for us. I totally agree that 

 

On 1/4/2025 at 12:52 AM, KatrinaandDriverX said:

Both of us thrilled.

Maybe even more for me.  I had him come home without showering and reclaimed him as I smelled her on him.  It was exquisite. 

[Numex 2,494]

On 11/25/2024 at 7:32 AM, PSULioness said:

My Body-My Choice. I learned the only time a man should be involved with my body is when I want him to. 

A man, actually the men, should have offered their to you and your potential child.  If my wife became pregnant by another man, I would offer my support for whatever she chose - abortion, keep it, or adoption.  And I mean full support, emotional and financial.  I love that woman.  I would do the same if I got another woman pregnant, her choice, my support, including adopting it myself. 

[couplers 4,817]

12 hours ago, Numex said:

I would offer my support for whatever she chose

That is what turned us from a collection of people in a weird relationship - me with a husband and a boyfriend, joined by a mutual girlfriend - into a family.  Clair became unintentionally pregnant with hubby's child, she and I decided to keep it, and I went potluck with the two men to get pregnant as quickly as possible.  All with the total support of the guys.  The consequences were the best thing to ever happen to us.