First bad experience…

[lilinny1013 0]

We have been with one couple a few times and everything has been excellent.  We recently met a second couple for drinks and went back to their house to play.  A few things went wrong…

- First, the couple was older than their bio stated and they didn’t look as good in person. We were not super attracted to them, but neither of us openly objected, so we moved forward (not knowing how the other felt at that moment).

 

- second, the female half of the couple led me to their bedroom. I assumed my wife and the other guy would join us, but they didn’t.  I was okay with separate rooms, but there is more to the story. 
 

- while we were in the bedroom, the other spouse told me that I need to wear a condom.  Not an issue for me, but I later found out that he did not.  One of the issues with being in separate rooms.  
 

- on the way home, I could tell that my wife was not feeling right, so we spoke.  The other guy was disrespectful in the way that he spoke to her while they were playing.  This might be their turn on, but it is not ours.  We discussed rules in advance and I said nothing painful, gross or disrespectful.   
 

in the end, we both feel kind of dirty about the whole experience.  We should not have gone home with them, we should not have separated and we should not have let things play out the way that they did.   
 

venting a bit, but any advice is appreciated.  

 

 

 

 

 

[TeamCalgary 167]

Hello lilinny, 

 

Welcome to the board. Please know that anything can be discussed here and that there is a wealth of knowledge available to you here. 

 

With regards to the situation you have outlined above, I am going to be very direct with you; you let it happen. 

If you are ever in a situation, and are uncomfortable, for any reason, leave. End of story. 

 

Before you play again, ensure that you understand each other and know your boundaries/preferences, etc. 

That way, when you meet a couple, you can clearly express this. 

 

The wagon travels as fast as the slowest horse; one of you (you or your spouse) will be more conservative in any given situation;

that dictates the speed of how things should proceed. 

 

Watch out for couples that try to separate you or don't respect your boundaries/wishes; walk away from folks like this. 

 

People that lie on their profiles are liars; avoid them. 

 

We wish you well in this pursuit; take your time and keep your relationship as your focus. 

Edited July 3 by TeamCalgary
typo

[reveur 59]

We are sorry for you and what is happened to you.

We have had nearly the same experience for 30 years ago, than after we have made rules that they were no for discussion or modifications for swinging with others couple:

- First meet restaurant or bars to know each others and to speak about goes and no goes without compromise. 

- Second meeting it is always in club for to play in one room, when we get feeling after first play it will not work or it begins with rules changing or we found out there is deviation from what have spoken. We break at once and given them a single that we us it isn't working. 

- When we have had a nice night with the couple in club and all four are happy how it was going, next step we can meet in private but always first to our house. 

 

Take it like a bad experience for to make it better next time because in lifestyle they are more beautiful and nice experience and meeting from other couples that they are like you and think like you.

 

Sorry englisch is not my mother language. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,307]

Sorry about the negative experience ☹️

It sucks that you had a bad experience while you're still sort of new. That can sour things but please don't let it.  Think of every bad experience as a lesson learned, grow from it, and make your next one better.

 

I think maybe adopt a new rule to not do separate rooms until you have done same-room a couple times first.

 

I know some couples are into the separate room thing, but honestly we don't get it. For us, half the pleasure is watching your partner.

[colsta247world 5]

8 hours ago, lilinny1013 said:

We have been with one couple a few times and everything has been excellent.  We recently met a second couple for drinks and went back to their house to play.  A few things went wrong…

- First, the couple was older than their bio stated and they didn’t look as good in person. We were not super attracted to them, but neither of us openly objected, so we moved forward (not knowing how the other felt at that moment).

 

- second, the female half of the couple led me to their bedroom. I assumed my wife and the other guy would join us, but they didn’t.  I was okay with separate rooms, but there is more to the story. 
 

- while we were in the bedroom, the other spouse told me that I need to wear a condom.  Not an issue for me, but I later found out that he did not.  One of the issues with being in separate rooms.  
 

- on the way home, I could tell that my wife was not feeling right, so we spoke.  The other guy was disrespectful in the way that he spoke to her while they were playing.  This might be their turn on, but it is not ours.  We discussed rules in advance and I said nothing painful, gross or disrespectful.   
 

in the end, we both feel kind of dirty about the whole experience.  We should not have gone home with them, we should not have separated and we should not have let things play out the way that they did.   
 

venting a bit, but any advice is appreciated.  

 

 

 

 

 

Can just say congratulations to you both for remaining close and trust each other so much is priceless, that to able to talk, but honesty,your ten steps ahead, tick tick tick , you both tick all the boxes of being perfect, keep being close everything else is second best 👌 👍 😍  good luck 

[njbm 2,815]

If we are meeting a new couple near home, we advise them that our first meeting is vanilla only. Meaning we are going to have dinner, drinks, dessert or whatever but not sex. This way, my wife and I can privately discuss whether we want to meet them to play. 
 

Sometimes one of us notices something important about the other couple, good or bad, but we can’t discuss it in front of them. Or one of us is excited and the other one is repulsed. 
 

This method takes off a lot of pressure. And avoids potential embarrassing moments.  
 

All bets are off if we are at a cruise, resort, house party or club. We’ll play without dinner, but we do have to meet a little.  Those are easier places to start a lifestyle connection. 

[njbm 2,815]

I’ve read in profiles: “If you don’t look like your pictures, you are buying us drinks until you do.” 
 

P.S., we have met couples who post as 10 years younger than us and are 10 years older. People notice. 

[Fundamental Law 2,871]

You have heard excellent commentary. Yours was a learning experience. Over the decades (OMG, it has been decades…) we have adopted a fairly standard approach. 

 

1. We prefer a phone conversation or brief video call prior to the first meeting. We want to know who we are meeting. We like video, as the camera is pretty good at telling us whether the posted photos are 20-years-ago or accurate representations of who the couple is today.

 

2. First meeting is in a public place, usually a light meal, always messaging “no expectations, we do not play on the first date”.

 

3. When we meet the couple for dinner, we are asking ourselves four questions: 

 

a. Does this couple behave like a couple? Do they have the gentle banter that signals that they are in love and on the same page?

b. Is there any depth? Does the conversation get beyond sports and weather? 

c. How do they treat others, such as the (anonymous) waitstaff? Are they engaged and kind? 

d. Can we see ourselves naked in the hot tub with this couple? 

 

4. We always find a way to excuse ourselves for a moment — perhaps to take a call. This gives the other couple a chance to check in as well. Both of us have unquestioned veto power. No excuses or explanations required. We do this midway through the meal just to get a sense of how much we want to chat with/reveal to the other couple. 

 

5. We always end the meal on a gracious note. Later, we will discuss things between ourselves and figure out what sort of a thank you note to send. 

 

Great matches in the LS are … rare. Cherish the ones that you make. 

 

And don’t ever “take one for the team.”

 

 

[GoldCoCouple 4,052]

Quote

If we are meeting a new couple near home, we advise them that our first meeting is vanilla only. Meaning we are going to have dinner, drinks, dessert or whatever but not sex. This way, my wife and I can privately discuss whether we want to meet them to play. 
 

Sometimes one of us notices something important about the other couple, good or bad, but we can’t discuss it in front of them. Or one of us is excited and the other one is repulsed. 
 

This method takes off a lot of pressure. And avoids potential embarrassing moments.  

This...in spades.