Birth Control Fertility Awareness Method

[cronos 17]

Hi everyone, 

 

I had started to play with a new married couple that I met recently. Her hubby has already had a vasectomy and she is currently not on the pill. She plans to get a hysterectomy in the future (doesn't want anymore kids). Prior to her hubby getting a vasectomy, they would use FAM as birth control (P tracker app) and would have unprotected during her non-fertile days (her golden week). She couldn't use hormonal contraceptives due to her medical condition. 

 

I used a condom the first time we played and I plan to see them on a regular basis. She told me that it would be okay for me go bareback and ejaculate inside her during her non-fertile days (still uses the P tracker app). I did some research and found that perfect FAM use (Standard Days Method) is 95% effective as BC and Billings Method is 97% effective. 

I know that IUDs and hormonal contraceptives would be ideal, but I don't believe she would want to be on them. My question is, would you rely on FAM (condoms on fertile days and no-condoms on non-fertile days) as BC, condoms at all times, or pull-out method during non-fertile days?  Thank you! 

[UncleOops 28]

Personally, I would combine the app with the pullout method, but that’s just my opinion. 95% is too risky for me. That means there’s a 5% chance she gets pregnant…

[couplers 4,717]

The IUD is non-hormonal and effective, just a pain (literally) having it inserted, but nothing to remember or fuss with afterwards. 

 

8 hours ago, cronos said:

FAM use (Standard Days Method) is 95% effective as BC and Billings Method is 97% effective.

Depends on what those percentages mean.  Theoretical effectiveness or real world?  Per engagement or per year?

 

The biggest question for me is whether the three of you have discussed and are in agreement what she would do if she does get pregnant.  The correct answer is the one you all agree on.

[cronos 17]

Thank for your thoughts UncleOops!

Edited July 21 by cronos

[cronos 17]

I believe those are ideal percentages if you used them perfectly like condoms which is 98%. I have not had that talk with the two of them and I will plan to do so. Thank you for the advice couplers!

[njbm 2,901]

Use a condom at all times. Also provides limited STD protection. Also slows your ejaculation, hopefully in a good way. 

[cronos 17]

I appreciate your advice njbm! 

[lcmim 1,086]

There are two versions of my answer.

This is the long answer:

 

We have been together for over 40 tears, and have three children. We used the body temperature and physical signs of ovulation as Natural Family planning, as it was taught in the 80's.

It does require vigilance, trust, and cooperation in the couple. It does keep in the conscious mind ones continuous fertility. As a matter of philosophy and religious belief, remaining open to children suited us.

 

 We never used any other means of birth control.

We have three children, all conceived on the schedule that we chose.

One of them we can link her conception to a particular evening with very much certainty.

This suited us as a couple very well and performed as we wished.

 

That being said, you ask about a sexual relationship with a woman who is married to someone else.

The common interest and the trust in sharing that interest that is part of the marriage relationship, is not present for you.

She potentially has loyalties and agendas of her own or that belong to her own couple.

We knew, that whatever happened, we were in this for the long haul.

You two are a LS pairing.

 

There is more than just your evening enjoyment involved.

There is the possibility of another life, and how you choose to deal with that life if it occurs, or if it will even be a common choice. 

How ever that plays out, each of you each will be at the start point and will have it as part of your life stories .

 

Being in the LS it is very tempting to minimize some of the choices that we make. There is the tendency to minimize, sometimes unwisely, these concerns.

 

That was the long answer:

 

The short answer is , no.

 

Use condoms at all times.

[cronos 17]

I understand Icmim, thank you very much for sharing your experience and insights!

[PSULioness 859]

Do not depend on thinking your not fertile week is foolproof. Every body is different and cycles change even if you are regular. If you aren’t on some method, pill, mechanical, or shot, be prepared for surprises. Can you live with what may happen or is your partner? 

[PeterJ 959]

On 7/20/2024 at 11:37 PM, cronos said:

"I did some research and found that perfect FAM use (Standard Days Method) is 95% effective as BC and Billings Method is 97% effective."
 

To be clear, when birth control methods are compared the standard of comparison is what percentage of women in a large cohort practicing that method will become pregnant over the course of a year. So, in the context of a lifestyle ONS both look pretty effective.

 

Over the years, and to my chagrin, two of my occasional FWB partners became pregnant. (I was a slow learner…🙄) In neither instance was sex initially planned for our time together.

 

The regular partner of the first was vasectomy-safe and she hadn’t been practicing BC. We were together for several days and toward the end she said she thought she might be getting close to the beginning of a risky point in her cycle, so we stopped having penetrative sex. The second did not then have a regular partner, but was in the middle of her period. "I’m bleeding like a stuck pig," she said to me when I inquired about her BC status.

 

In both cases the women had abortions. In one case there were no serious repercussions for our friendship; in the other we remained friends, but there was significant damage. I’m sorry these women and I were not more prudent partners.

 

In terms of the lifestyle, I don’t believe I ever slipped my unwrapped cock into the pussy of a woman who might even possibly have been capable of conceiving. From a moral perspective I would not wish to be part of creating a human life that I was not prepared to appropriately support through its childhood and into adulthood. From a practical perspective, though the risk might be remote, you could end up being financially partially responsible for a child created with a partner with whom you were barely acquainted.

[PSULioness 859]

2 hours ago, PSULioness said:

Do not depend on thinking your not fertile week is foolproof. Every body is different and cycles change even if you are regular. If you aren’t on some method, pill, mechanical, or shot, be prepared for surprises. Can you live with what may happen or is your partner? 

*you’re

[Numex 2,458]

11 hours ago, lcmim said:

There is the possibility of another life, and how you choose to deal with that life if it occurs

 

28 minutes ago, PSULioness said:

If you aren’t on some method, pill, mechanical, or shot, be prepared for surprises. Can you live with what may happen or is your partner? 

Daniela is on reliable birth control, but if she were to get pregnant, I would be open to it being my child.  But the ultimate decision would be hers.

[cronos 17]

I appreciate everyone for sharing your experiences and advice!

Edited July 24 by cronos

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

So, how lucky do you feel? Your chances of getting her pregnant are one hell of a lot higher than buying a winning lottery ticket. The chances of getting her pregnant are a hell of a lot higher than getting a speeding ticket. The chances of getting her pregnant are one hell of a lot higher than ... a lot of things.

 

So, how lucky do you feel?

 

My take; if you want to get her pregnant, then by all means please do continue without birth control. If you have sex with a couple of times a month, you'll have her pregnant within a year.

[njbm 2,901]

People never think it will happen to them. The thrill of sex overcomes fear of pregnancy and STD transmission. If you poke it enough without condoms or birth control, you are going to connect. 

[AdamGunn2 418]

Okay, and here's something I've thought for years - I keep hearing a few people say things like, "Well, we're using birth control - he pulls out just before he comes."

 

People!  Men discharge a tad of active sperm almost as soon as you start seeing precum. So, yeah, it's not the big spurt of millions of swimmers you get during a male orgasm, but you only need one, right?  Anytime you put a dick in a pussy and there's not something to stop or kill the baby-makers, it's possible a baby will be made.

[Anon321 524]

55 minutes ago, AdamGunn2 said:

Okay, and here's something I've thought for years - I keep hearing a few people say things like, "Well, we're using birth control - he pulls out just before he comes."

 

People!  Men discharge a tad of active sperm almost as soon as you start seeing precum. So, yeah, it's not the big spurt of millions of swimmers you get during a male orgasm, but you only need one, right?  Anytime you put a dick in a pussy and there's not something to stop or kill the baby-makers, it's possible a baby will be made.

 

I know so many guys who think they can just pull out and it's fine.  I don't know how people can be so naive.  My GF is on BC so it's not a big deal but we always encourage them pulling out anyway.  We just like it and think it's fun.  But we have had guys who intended to pull out but didn't make it out in time or didn't shot some inside and then some outside.  There is no guarantee that the guy will pull out in time, whether or purpose or even by accident.  That's not a game I'm willing to play.  So for us, it's the BC pill all the way.  And obviously condoms for the people we don't know or just met but that is for STD purposes.

[Half MT 239]

I have a question too. I never had sex with a condom, is it different? Can you feel a difference during sex and during his ejaculation? Also who puts the condom on him, you or does he do it himself? I’m not afraid of becoming pregnant so it’s all the diseases and infections that scare me. My first female sex involved the wife and the ejaculate of her husband, that wouldn’t happen with a condom. 

[PeterJ 959]

2 hours ago, Half MT said:

I have a question too. I never had sex with a condom, is it different? Can you feel a difference during sex and during his ejaculation? Also who puts the condom on him, you or does he do it himself? I’m not afraid of becoming pregnant so it’s all the diseases and infections that scare me. My first female sex involved the wife and the ejaculate of her husband, that wouldn’t happen with a condom. 

Women on the board here will respond with their personal views on whether intercourse with a condom physically feels different. I’ve never had a woman say it does. I’m not sure with adequate vaginal lubrication — natural or added — there would be much difference. But for a number of women I’ve known there’s a big psychological difference. Just a couple preferred condoms because they didn’t like sex to be "messy". Keep all that semen out of me! Some just didn’t care. And some really liked having their partner’s semen in them. That made sex more gratifying.

 

From a male perspective, putting aside the (very important) considerations of contraception and transmission of STIs, I cannot imagine there are many men who think intercourse with a condom feels better than without. For me there’s a huge difference. And barrier oral, whether dental dams for performing on women or condoms for receiving oral myself, well, why even bother. My wife and I once tried using a dental dam. For me it was like licking a balloon. And not really any better for her as a recipient.

 

Circling back to your concern about contracting STIs through unprotected sex with casual partners, your  concerns are well founded. It’s a matter of balancing risks and rewards. Other than celibacy there is no 100% way to be completely safe from contracting an STI. Not speaking of your relationship of course, but there are plenty of non-lifestyle folks who are sexually exclusive with a partner who have contracted an STI from that sole partner because that partner had sex with others. 

 

Members of this board have widely differing approaches to risk assessment and mitigation. Risk tolerance varies widely. @Numex is in a closed smallish group of couples who all signed a (virtual) blood oath not to have sex of any sort with others outside the group. To my recollection he’s never spoken of any other steps the group has taken to mitigate risk. Others have said that in casual encounters they use condoms and otherwise avoid fluid sharing, but eschew those measures with regular partners with whom they’ve developed a trusting relationship. ‘And some, by my observation often those who play with others weekly or even more frequently, wouldn’t dream of having unprotected sex.

 

Finally, I predict that as you and your husband ease yourselves into a life of non-monogamy your fears of STIs will abate, particularly as you arrive at a level of risk acceptance that feels right for you and your husband.
 

[Anon321 524]

4 hours ago, Half MT said:

I have a question too. I never had sex with a condom, is it different? Can you feel a difference during sex and during his ejaculation? Also who puts the condom on him, you or does he do it himself? I’m not afraid of becoming pregnant so it’s all the diseases and infections that scare me. My first female sex involved the wife and the ejaculate of her husband, that wouldn’t happen with a condom. 

Men can feel the difference and my GF says she can too.  She prefers no condom but she uses them.  There are a couple of really close friends that we have which she doesn't use them with (and they do get tested) but for everyone else she does.  She doesn't use them for oral though as she hates giving oral with a condom.  As far as who puts the condom on, it varies.  I would say usually the guy does but I have seen my GF put it on a guy before.

 

The reality is, condom or not, you are always going to be taking your chance of an STI.  But condoms certainly do help reduce your chances.  And there were times when my GF was rather careless and didn't use a condom when she should have.  This was mostly earlier on when we were in our early and mid 20s.  Although I told her to use condoms things were more casual between us so I didn't really push it that hard.  Now she is much more on top of it.  But even now she has had a slip up.

 

My point is that there is always some level of risk if you're going to play.  You just have to find the best way to mitigate those risks without losing too much pleasure from your play.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

My wife absolutely can tell a difference between condoms and bareback. She's quite happy to have sex with someone wearing a condom, but she has a much better experience going bareback. She can definitely feel the difference. Psychologically, as PeterJ noted, she is one who very much enjoys having her men cum inside of her. It is much more gratifying for her. Swing partners were (almost) always with condoms. Two of those swing partners became long term boyfriends, and she had bareback sex with them every time after they did. When she had those long term boyfriends, she only had sex with me and her boyfriend, and the boyfriend only had sex with her. That kept the loop closed, and we felt safe doing things that way.

 

Observing her, I know she's having a better time with a guy when he's bareback in her than with a condom. The only time she played bareback with someone who wasn't a long term partner was a guy who had an absolutely enormous cock. I was there, and saw it for myself Easily 11", maybe 12" and very thick. He was having a difficult time maintaining his erection fully with a condom on. I suspect most well endowed guys have similar problems. After discussion amongst all three of us, she took his condom off and it was off to the races! Her pleasure dramatically increased, and it was very obvious. That session lasted an entire afternoon, with breaks here and there, massage here and there, and more sex and more sex. She came away a very happy woman!

 

That said, my wife is the only woman I've ever known who voiced or seemed to enjoy differently based on condoms or bareback.

 

For a guy? Yeah, condoms suck About the only advantage is it delays orgasm. But, the orgasm isn't as good, the sensations aren't as strong, the orgasm doesn't feel complete, and definitely doesn't feel like a real release.

 

 

[MrMrsswinger 205]

14 hours ago, Half MT said:

I have a question too. I never had sex with a condom, is it different?

From the male perspective, there is a massive difference in intercourse with a condom and without a condom. There were times back in college where I passed on sex because I had to wear a condom. I couldn't feel anything so why bother. There are very thin condoms these days where you'll at least feel the warmth but the friction is still significantly different. 

 

With that said, we always use condoms when we play in the lifestyle.

 

[shy_couple 460]

I’m in healthcare and one of my early biology/AP classes the instructor made a joke; “what do you call yourself if you are using the rhythm method for birth control? Pregnant.”

[lcmim 1,086]

shy couple

 

We were pregnant using this method.

3 times.

EACH on our chosen schedule. 

 

This is not the simplest method.

It does require consistency, discipline and cooperation within a couple.

 

Your instructor's comment is questionable as to fact.

 Are condoms effective when people use them only when they feel like it, or the pill when people cannot remember to stick to a simple routine?

 

 As in many other things understanding the instruction an sticking to them greatly increases efficacy.

 One can change the rules and ingredients when baking bread.

If you are good at baking and lucky it turns out most of the time.

 

That works for a literal "bun in the oven"

Not so much for a metaphorical one.

[couplers 4,717]

On 7/30/2024 at 4:47 PM, bbarnsworth said:

My wife absolutely can tell a difference between condoms and bareback.

For me, it's not only less enjoyable but not worth it.  Not only is the "feel" blunted and my orgasms not as good, but I also don't get to feel the pulsing of his orgasm. I especially miss the ejaculation itself, the deposit of his cum in me, the pleasure of keeping it inside for a while, and the knowledge that at least a few of those swimmers (a living part of a man!) is hosted within my body for a few days.

 

 

Edited August 1 by couplers

[AdamGunn2 418]

My wife contended that no matter how much lube was used, a penis with a condom on it never slid as smooth and easily inside her as a bare one. If she didn't use lube, she often felt the rubber pinch her at the mouth of her pussy. However, with the exception of one other man, she always insisted on condoms for disease protection.  But there was never a choice for her between using a condom or no penetration - she opted for sport fucking every time!

 

She and her guys experimented with various condoms, especially thickness/thinness and ribbing, and she said that normally there wasn't much difference - there was still a condom on, and she rarely had a problem reaching orgasm, so the ribbing didn't add much. The biggest problem was that some guys simply couldn't perform with condoms on, so she had to be slightly satisfied with foreplay and oral.

 

 

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Yeah some guys can't perform with a condom on. When I was in my 20s, you could have used a vice grip and made no progress on compromising my hard on. Now? I do ok, but condoms definitely make it more difficult.

[Half MT 239]

I asked the question if the sex was different with condoms so Timmy and I decided to have sex with one. We bought condoms last month when we were invited to a party the we ended up passing on so we didn’t have to go buying any for our test. We are meeting a new couple later and condom use is a possibility. 
Our first use came with laughs and mistakes before finally doing it. First thing the sex wasn’t as spontaneous we had the box of condoms on the night stand unopened, first mistake. After some foreplay, oral sex, we stopped to open the box. Second mistake, opening the packet, another mood killer because I had a hard time opening it. It gets worse, I rolled down wrong, lube inside. I should have known. 
Now the Test. Once we got started it was the same for me, Timmy said it sucked, especially when changing positions. 
Truth for me, I missed the warm drippies after and the staying together even when he gets well uh softer. 
Now I know if we need to use tonight, I know to check the right side or just let him put it on. Even if I don’t feel a real difference in my mind it’s not as sexy, just safer. Timmy will just have to deal with the loss he claims, it didn’t stop him from the happy ending. 

[MidwestHoneys 359]

Get a dido and practice. Honey learned to put a condom on with her mouth without the guy knowing. It takes practice. YouTube it, plenty of instructional videos I think. 

[MidwestHoneys 359]

 

[Billygoat 445]

It is really all about timing, knowing your cycle and understanding conception process.  Keep in mind that healthy sperm travels quickly into a healthy woman’s reproductive track and lay in wait in her fallopian tubes (both) for a healthy egg.  Sperm can reside there for five days plus a day of ovulation so as much as six days.  
 

we became familiar with this method knowing several couples in the past that this was their method of birth control.  It actually is very limiting for women in the lifestyle as far as safe play dates per month.  The days immediately following the end of her period up to 8-12 days.  After that if they have ejectulate in their body it can survive and fertilize her egg for the next 5-6 days from last ejectulation.  
 

it’s never 100%.  

[Half MT 239]

I’m not worried about the sperm living that long in me, it’s funny that it does, I never knew that. This topic is about that and I went way off topic. I don’t know who is more excited that we will be with new people tonight and we don’t know the birth control she uses. Sucks for Timmy if she is fertile and he needs a condom. I know my risk is disease and infection not pregnancy because I don’t use that method or we don’t use it. We just want a fun time with fun people, that’s what it’s supposed to be. 

[TricianMike 788]

Michael reminds me that years ago we both enjoyed plenty of oral sex when I had to go off of birth control for medical reasons. I laughed some things never change. 

16 hours ago, Half MT said:

We just want a fun time with fun people, that’s what it’s supposed to be

That is what we all want. How did it go?

[Half MT 239]

1 hour ago, TricianMike said:

Michael reminds me that years ago we both enjoyed plenty of oral sex when I had to go off of birth control for medical reasons. I laughed some things never change. 

That is what we all want. How did it go?

Birth control or keeping my virginity were both the reason for only oral sex before I was married. Getting pregnant was always in my mind when thinking about sex before marriage, my upbringing was a major factor. 
I’ll post about last night on my own adventures post, this thread is about birth control. 

[cplnluv1 874]

4 hours ago, Half MT said:

Birth control or keeping my virginity were both the reason for only oral sex before I was married. Getting pregnant was always in my mind when thinking about sex before marriage, my upbringing was a major factor. 
I’ll post about last night on my own adventures post, this thread is about birth control. 

College days and HS days. And I wasn’t a virgin. 

[Numex 2,458]

On 7/30/2024 at 8:23 AM, PeterJ said:

To my recollection he’s [@Numex ] never spoken of any other steps the group has taken to mitigate risk.

Other than our initial rigorous double testing, that is correct.  

[Sophy 571]

I do definitely recommend hormonal contraceptives; I am 40, in theory fertile, and I have been on birth control for years (Depo); on top of that, we use condoms except with our close friends and two couples where we play bareback.

 

In the last ten years or so, three different fertile men have been ejaculating regularly inside me (including my husband), and we have never had any pregnancy scares.

[couplers 4,717]

On 8/1/2024 at 7:35 AM, AdamGunn2 said:

... she often felt the rubber pinch her at the mouth of her pussy.

I never use a condom, but sometimes I feel that resistance when I'm first entered if my juices haven't gotten all the way down to the entrance of my vagina.  But the guys are gentle and I actually like it.