Swinging in a small town?

[Atilla 16]

We live in a town of about 40,000 people. In this town, it doesn't take long for news to travel fast about people. I have actually seen where some people's reputations have been totally destroyed (3 such instances) because news leaked out about their sexual lives.

 

We have decided not to swing in our town due to the fact that my husband has a very high profile job and I work in the public sector. However, we have met a few people over the internet from our town who are promising to be discreet if we ever meet. Do we or don't we?

 

If things don't work out and get nasty, what's stopping them from telling everyone about us?

 

Travel can be arranged in our situation somewhat. We do have a toddler at home with no family around to care for him if we decided to leave for the night. Our friend has stated that she would look after him overnight if we ever chose to go out of town for the evening. She doesn't know about our lifestyle.

 

Or the other option for us is to swing in the city that my husband's parents live in therefore giving us a instant sitter.

 

Has anyone else encountered these problems? Your input please.

[EvilMJ 65]

WHoo...welcome to my world!!!

 

Not that I live in a small town but it seems like I am always running into people I know, or that my hubby knows. There are no clubs here, except one off premises and we have yet to foray into the internet. Mostly we have been limited to friends, which has been fun.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

What's stopping them from telling everyone? The fact that if they tell on you they are telling on themselves. I think the key in a situation like this is to make sure that you ONLY swing with other couples who are already active swingers and not try to turn vanilla folks into swingers and definately don't hook up with singles in that type of market. Singles typically have a lot less to lose and often are a little more loose-lipped than other couples because of that fact.

 

If they are already active swingers and not newbies chances are they know how the town can be and will be every bit as discreet as they have promised.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We can relate. Our town is small too and we're fairly well known, so we've decided that we're not going to swing locally. At least for now. We just feel more comfortable knowing that we're not going to run into the people we play with in a business situation, or something like that. So far, it has worked well for us. We've met a few couples that live about 90 minutes away, which is just far enough . Of course, it cuts down on the time that we can play, but we think it's worth it.

[robnbarb 40]

My town has just under 8,000 people so I understand what you mean.

 

I think what Julie said is right, they would tell on themselves as well. even in a town this small there are still privite pockets to find if you look. Also there is the major denyablity clause that you can use. Perhapes the person in question just has a personal grudge you can exploit. I know that sounds mean and manipulative, but compaired to ruining you life it think it becomes somewhat nessessary.

[fun_pairTX 26]

40,000 ppls, 8,000 ppls......You guys are killin us LMAO. Our nearest town that has a name has 67 (sixty-seven) people and if ya ask me they counted some of the heads in the cemetary. Like Julie said play with people that are already in the lifestyle, they have as much to lose as you do. Avoid singles and avoid drunks and you eliminate almost 100% of the loose lips. Plus there is the degree of deniability as well the more prominent you are the more foolhardy the rumor can be made to sound. Personally I would love to be called a swinger, as of now all I get called is a musician. Swinger has to be at least a rung or so up the social ladder.

[MV325 16]

Rural farm communities in our part of the world are very very small and can be very conservative. 67 seems a crowd. We developed friendships in the city we visit once in a while. We are planning with a city couple to come and visit us in our neck of the woods. Should be interesting. We suggest you work on the city angle.

[newgentry 17]

We have the same issue here, and we've found its not really the folks that you play with that are the problem - its just that inevitably word gets out somehow, even if it just gossiping mouths about the wild parties that you have or whatever. We decided about a year ago that we were taking things out of town, and its worked a LOT better.

[CB_n_Red 16]

The problems don't only come up in small communities!

 

There are about 1/2 million people in the city and suburbs where we live, but we have been talking on the phone to somebody who we suspect might already know Red by sight! Weird feeling! Mind you, it has been said that this city actually functions like a giant village...

[TNT 1,155]

When Ted and I started in this wonderful lifestyle one concern I had was people finding out. We live in an extremely small town. We are both very well known, especially me as I do a LOT of work with the school that requires constant contact with the administrators, teachers, students and businesses in the community. I was not concerned about what they thought of Ted and myself, but the back-lash that could possibly be put upon our children.

 

We decided at that time that our playing would be kept out of town where we would be less likely to be outed by anyone. What I have learned through the years is that although this was a valid concern, it was not as big a concern as I had orginally thought. As time went on and we began to feel more at ease with our playing we started looking closer to home for playmates. We were pleasantly surprised that there were a number of people close that were also swinger.

 

Over the years we have met many people in our community that also swing. Neighbors, cousins, business people I deal with in the community and some I deal with at the school. They all have the same concerns as we do about discretion and protecting their name and standing in the community as well as their children. They ALL understand the "small town mentality" and what it takes to deal with it.

 

Julie's statement below is the best advice we could give to anyone who are thinking about swinging in a small town.

 

If they are already active swingers and not newbies chances are they know how the town can be and will be every bit as discreet as they have promised.

[Atilla 16]

Thanks for eveyone's responses. Julie, I too, have told my husband that they would have something against us but we too, would have something on them therefore unless they want us to spill our dirty little secret, they'd have to keep they're mouth shut.

 

Swinging here would be so much more convenient, less travel would be nice. Maybe we're just nervous about getting back into the lifestyle and are looking for excuses.

[all4fun2004 15]

We also deal with living in a very small town. Discretion is very important due to my career. We always travel when we swing. It is not to bad, because we are able to get away from the children occassionally. Our children are older now and it is easier for us to be in the lifestyle, however when they were younger it was virtually impossible. We are definitely taking advantage of the time we have now!!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Try 400, and the county seat, which is "going to town", is like 4,000, and like 3,990 of those spend their days trying to find out something on someone so they can gossip and hrmmph about it.

 

From the get go, one of mrs cplnuswing's rules was no playing local. I totally understand that and was in full agreement. We've always kept an "at least two towns over rule" when it comes to playmates and it has worked well for us.

 

What are your small town swinging coping strategies?

[Alura 2,774]

I don't think the size of the city is as important as the cover story you build. It doesn't have to be based on lies. Become friends, go on picnics with your children, talk to each other at church, bring different crockpots to the Chili Supper. Sit together at football games. If anybody should ask if y'all are swingers (Nobody will.) laugh like hell! Claim to be one of the most boring people in small-town America.